Survivor: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers

Survivor Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers: Petrified Ginger Aussie

Logan Saunders recaps Episode 2 of Survivor: Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers.

Survivor Heroes v Healers v Hustlers: Petrified Ginger Aussie

levuHeroes: Alan, Ashley, Ben, Chrissy, JP



Healers: Cole, Desi, Jessica, Joe, Mike, Roark



Hustlers: Ali, Devon, Lauren, Patrick, Ryan, Simone


I should note Yawa sounds like the name of the assistant to the prosecutor from The Simpsons. Yawaaaaa?


Previously on Survivor: On the Healer tribe, Joe interrogated Mike. At the Hustler tribe, Patrick found his partner in crime. And Ryan confessed to having the Super Idol. The Hero tribe was facing Tribal Council, and a Core Four came together which put the two moms on the outs. Chrissy received Ryan’s Super Idol. At Tribal Council, Alan accused JP and Ashley of being a power couple. In the end, the alliance of four stuck together and Chrissy decided to not save Katrina. She saved her secret but now powerless idol to not save editing’s biggest secret, the fact that Katrina existed on this season.

Seventeen are left; who will be voted out without being noticed until the last minute tonight?



Chrissy wants to take a walk to the watering hole at night. Alan said Tribal Council was brutal. Chrissy thinks she benefits from a heated and angry Tribal Council because she was at the bottom.

CHRISSY: All of these other cracks come up because people do it to themselves.

I mean, JP’s crack came out a full twenty-four hours before they even went to Tribal Council. Even better for Chrissy.

Chrissy intends to use her Super Idol as a decoy idol. Add that in to the three idols currently up for grabs, and things shall get ridiculous in the future.

ALAN: Tribal Council was intense. I was expecting fists to start flying. . .at the end of the day, I think I got what I wanted with making JP and Ashley look like a power couple. . .suspicion sometimes gives you the results that you want.

The results being giving up your position as having a very tight tribe, and letting the fifth member on the outside appearing to be much more stable and rational, therefore taking complete control of the tribe.

For the fourth time this episode, the phrase “power couple” is uttered as Ashley talk to Ben and Chrissy about it. She says it is crazy regarding the spectacle that Alan created. Then she uses the term “power duo”. Does that count? She believes Alan has a huge target on his back.

BEN: This group is like old paint. It’s cracked everywhere.

Can we stop talking about cracks and power couples?

Ben proclaims the alliance is over. Now it’s every man for himself. Oh, so we’re using another reality TV cliche by day four? Fantastic.

Intro time. A very short intro. Hey, it’s better than what we got last week.



Devon flips into the water before he attempts to make out with a fish. Everyone is shown working hard around camp. Simone is bugged by a bug. Simone was the only other person besides Desi to have less airtime than Katrina did in the premiere.

Ryan says they have owned the made-up-on-the-spot hustler mantra. He and Devon sit down on a log.

DEVON: Everyone else when I talk with them… I’m not smiling when I talk to them. I’m all serious. But when I’m with you? I’m able to have a smile on my face when I talk my strategy.

Geez. This is the bro’iest bond I have seen since Jeff and Brody in the Ridonculous Race.

Ryan says he is in a good spot socially and is blending in. The only person he has not bonded with has been Simone (Jeff Probst’s winner pick), and believes Simone doesn’t have a bond with anyone either.

SIMONE: Aqua dump! It was terrifying, but I did it! I can’t believe I did that! I feel like a superhero!

On one hand Aqua Man. . . and on the other hand, you have Aqua Dump Woman.

SIMONE: It’s tough out here all the time and there’s no air conditioning. .  .We’re in the outside. I am challenging myself. Like, I am trying new things. . . I’ll clean the fish. I have never done it before, but I have read up on it. . . I have been playing Survivor all my life, I have been on a tribe of ten brothers and sisters.

Man, this is a lot of Simone content being thrown at us at once.

One of my family members had to point this out to me, but Simone has this very youthlike tone about her. She may not even realize it, but her voice gets a bit nasally in confessionals. Let’s not be one of those dumb casual fans who hates a random Survivor contestant because of the tone of their voice which they can’t control, but it could be enough to put her on a different wavelength from the rest of the tribe.

And the fact that Simone is admitting that she is playing up the whole “I don’t do things like this. I have never gone camping before or aqua dumping or collect firewood or scale fish omg” persona may just isolate herself that much more.

I know she is trying to come off as non-threatening as possible and be taken under someone else’s wing, but when the whole tribe gets along. . . you’re just gonna be the next Ryan Shoulders and be viewed as the person who can’t play with all of the adults in the room. Even if she isn’t the youngest person on the tribe.

Simone wants to gain everyone’s respect by working hard. She walks alone with Ali.

ALI: You’re putting yourself out there.

Ali sees through Simone’s divaness and wants to pull Simone on her side and coaches Simone into not doubting herself.

ALI: You can’t keep doubting yourself. You need to be more optimistic about yourself. . . if you think less of you, then everyone else will think less of you.

Ali intends to mould Simone into a key ally. Well, I misread Ali preseason. She is confident and in a leadership position on the tribe.



Cole thinks Jessica is cute but is worried that she is thirty and is worried she perceives him as a kid.

Back at the shelter, Desi was Miss Virginia 2013. Joe mocks himself and Mike that they must be on the Beauty tribe and that they were put on the wrong tribe.

In confessionals, Joe is feeding everyone that Mike has found the idol. One problem:

JOE: Now I can’t look for the idol as much as I want to look for the idol. The window is a very very small window, but I can accomplish a lot of things in a small time.

So the interrogation strategy backfired.

While everyone else goes on their treks to the water well or fishing, Joe sprints into the jungle and finds a tree with a clue. Ocean. Raft. Five feet. Yep, five feet underneath an object that is frequently moved.

Joe decides to share the clue with Cole. This is already our second idol scene of the episode.

COLE: This is the greatest day ever so far.

Yes, the greatest day of all four days.

Joe shows Cole the clue etched into the tree. Cole corrects him that it is the symbol for the well rather than the raft.

COLE: Wilderness therapy and rock climbing is second nature for me to help people accomplish their goals in the game. . . Joe looks at me as a really good resource now.

Cole is an awfully selfless person in this game. Can anybody win like this?

Cole and Joe dig for about ten seconds before Joe retrieves it. He nearly throws sands in Cole’s eyes. Well, Mike sure doesn’t have it.

JOE: It’s all about power and knowledge. . . He has too much knowledge. I may have to put a target on his back.

Poor Cole. Prepare to be John Cody’d.



JP talks about his job as a fireman. He doesn’t want to scheme. His strategy is to catch food for everyone. He hates drama and being confrontational. Let the season one strategy play out.

JP: Ashley and I got called out as the power couple. That label sucks. I don’t see us as the power couple. . . I mean, if we’re a power couple we should be hooking up and be a couple.

Seven. Times. Jesus.

JP walks with Chrissy to the water well. He repeatedly denies the power couple angle and not having an idol. Chrissy now contemplates who should be her ride or die.

Chrissy tells JP that nobody would see them together. JP jumps in to say nobody would believe they are a power couple–oh god, eight times.

Chrissy thinks JP will be helpful in challenges, but not smart.

Chrissy then lays in the shelter with Ashley. She does not trust her.

CHRISSY: I am not convinced there’s not a power couple.

Oh dammit. Nine times.

After Alan’s blowup, Chrissy doesn’t want a twosome with him. So, that narrows it down to one person.

CHRISSY: The data shows that Ben is the better option for me. Ben has a lot of social charm, and I can think several steps ahead strategically.

Ben’s social charm plays out as we see him waterboard Ashley. Hilarious.

Ben and Chrissy agree to an alliance. Chrissy claims they can ride it the entire way.

BEN: Whatever Chrissy and I decide is what’s going to happen.

Good luck with that in a `13 person merge.



Patrick finds a Parvati Shallow. He is terrified of Parvati Shallows. Ryan jumps in to ask if he needs a man’s touch. Lauren is freaked out by Patrick’s fear. Patrick wants to conquer his fear because he is a lot bigger than Parvati Shallow. Seconds later, Patrick picks up the episode title of the episode. Devon is laughing at him, and that’s rude (Margie O’ Donnell voice).

While Lauren is trying to sleep, Patrick decides to play the role of interviewer.

PATRICK: Dancing skills? What are your dancing skills?


PATRICK: Do you do any performing at night? In the shower?

Night performer or shower dancing? Geez, Patrick, that’s a bit personal.

LAUREN: No. I’d fall and break my neck.

The fisherwoman doesn’t strike me as the type to be a night performer or shower dancer, Pat.

Patrick’s strategy of being fun to avoid the bullseye morphs into being annoying for Lauren as she can’t help but notice he is a kid in a 25-year-old’s body.

PATRICK: I’m going to practice my Australian accent. Want to get some shrimp on the bar-b?

Editors throw in an Aussie didgeridoo. Hilarious. It’s very faint, and you probably didn’t notice it in the episode, but trust me that it’s there.

We see Patrick constantly jumping and laughing loudly. Lauren says his volume is at a ten and he needs to be at a two.

(PATRICK proceeds to make fart noises with his mouth as LAUREN frowns the whole time.)

LAUREN: You can look at him dead in the face and say ‘do not touch that,’ and he’ll look at you and touch it. . . I can’t come out straight away and tell him to shut the hell up.

But that’d be hilarious.

Lauren knows the age gap and doesn’t want to further isolate herself. She is trying to build a relationship with Ali. Ali is concerned that her closest ally is already having his name thrown around and feels like she is babysitting him.

ALI: And I don’t want that to be my job.

Isn’t. . .Isn’t adult babysitting pretty much your real job, Ali? Your job entails cooking dinner, running errands, and doing their makeup.

Unless Patrick really wants to bring out his eyes in contrast to his gingerness, Ali is performing just a snippet of her real job on the island.


Before Probst has two seconds to mention that the Heroes tribe eliminated Katrina (which elicits no reaction whatsoever unlike every episode of Australian Survivor), Ryan points out that Chrissy is unaware who sent her the Super Idol and he does not know how it was used.

Patrick and Mike throw back the immunity idols. I wish Mike missed the toss and it smashed against the corner of Probst’s platform as pieces scatter in the water.

For today’s challenge, three members will swim out to a floating net ring. They will then dive down and maneuver a bundle of puzzle pieces through a cage. Once all three bundles are collected, the other two members will use those pieces to solve a signpost puzzle. First two tribes to finish win immunity.

In addition, there’s a reward. First tribe gets the ultimate Survivor fishing kit. Traps. Net. Knives. Lures. Lines. Sinkers. Second place gets lines and lures (and not the type that gets you a Magikarp).

Joe is sitting out for the Healers. Meanwhile, Hustlers sit out the fisherwoman in a challenge that involves water and a fishing reward. I wasn’t expecting that.




Devon is killing it for the Hustlers in the cage. He has the first two bundles. Roark has Healers’ first bundle. Jessica struggles. JP has Heroes’ first two bundles. Cole has to step in for Jessica. Devon has all three bundles. Cole picks up the second bundle as Roark dives down. JP also collected all three bundles.

Hustlers throw the pieces onto the platform. Healers are at least five to eight minutes behind. Heroes have their pieces on the platform.




The names on the signposts use all of the countries that Survivor has visited over the past seventeen years. If the post hits any of the obstacles, it ain’t right. This is the first challenge involving signposts since the day 34 reward from Survivor: Palau. You know, when Ian’s epic meltdown was nearing its peak.

Patrick takes command of the puzzle despite not being picked to do it. Granted many of the Healers are shouting at Mike and Desi too.

Mike nearly orgasms as the Healers win immunity. Yikes. Roark’s mouth is censored.

The complexity of the puzzle definitely outweighs the difficulty of this puzzle. As JLP would say in Aussie Survivor, the puzzle is the great equalizer.

Heroes solve it out of nowhere. That’s the challenge.

It may not have been the most exciting challenge to watch, but the scenery is incredible. Cole, who is now dubbed J Cole, swims out to snag immunity. Alan collects it for the Heroes by doing the most unnecessary flip in the water since Vince in Survivor: Worlds Apart.

Devon says Simone doesn’t fit in and she can’t do puzzles.

DEVON: It’s a bummer, but Simone has got to go.

Real bummer dude, eh?



Simone apologizes to everyone for blowing the puzzle. She goes on for a while. I would shut it down at about this point.

SIMONE: I think I would be an easy vote. I need to start shifting the narrative of the tribe.

Hey, you’re not the editor.

Simone walks with Ali and Lauren for water.

SIMONE: I know you and Patrick have been butting heads. I know it sucks to talk about.

Yeeeeah, it sucks so much to talk about it, eh Simone?

And I think the shaping of this narrative is a bit too transparent.

Lauren acknowledges that strength is not what they need, and Simone at least listens. We cut to Patrick randomly biting a piece of bamboo.

Ryan is gutted they lost. Is Ryan the Secret Aussie on this tribe?

Patrick and Ryan are sitting in the shelter. He tells Ryan matter-of-factly that they won’t be voted out, despite Ryan saying “I hope not”. Patrick assumes the dudes and Ali are all voting together.

Patrick and Ali walk together. She realizes Patrick trusts him more than anyone else in the whole game. She is worried that others are concerned that Patrick may be unpredictable.

We shift to a conversation between Ali and Ryan. Ali tells him about Simone’s idea. Ryan thinks it is dumb because they’ll lose every immunity challenge, but accepts Pat could be unpredictable.

RYAN: It’s a lot of uncertainty with Patrick. It’s like a newborn baby. You really want to like it, and you want to take care of it, but it’s really annoying and have to watch it every second. He is great around camp and at challenges, but he is unpredictable and predictability is the best thing I can have in an alliance member. But it’s not like I am even dragging along a lemming–it’s Simone. She’s good. I want to align with people who are socially good and will listen to me.

Simone talks to others while Patrick studies his reflection in a diving mask. I know which of these two is confident.

Ryan says it is all about figuring out who can be trusted more going forward.





RYAN: It’s like the birthday party your mom makes you go to and you don’t like the kid whose birthday party it is and we don’t want to go to and we love each other. . . I want to keep everyone that’s going to the party.

This analogy doesn’t make sense, but I’ll go with it.

Lauren’s accent really comes out when she jumps in with an answer. I wonder what town she is from and if it is a secluded community? I’ll have to look it up after this episode blog is done. I am intrigued.

SIMONE: If this were old-school Survivor, we’d be voting based on how the challenge would go.

Stacey, Ramona, Dirk, Joel, Debb, Kel, and Mitchell may all disagree. It’s always been a social game unless your numbers start taking a big hit after a couple of consecutive losses.

PATRICK: I trust most of the people here.

PROBST: Most. Ryan, he did not say all.

PATRICK: Sorry Jeff, I meant to say all.

PROBST: Wow, that got a big reaction.

PATRICK: It did. It was a slip of words. I was talking too fast. I meant to say I trust -all- of our numbers.

RYAN: I’m sold.

PATRICK: Me too, homie!

I think the only person who had a big reaction to it was you, Probst.

Patrick thinks his heart is beating at 180 beats per minute which he assumes is faster than normal.

Spoiler Alert: It is.

Lauren pulls a “If you mean most, say most; if you mean all, say all” like an inspirational quote meme on Facebook.

In my fantasy pool, I predicted Simone would go home. It would be too ridiculous if Patrick goes home here.

Ryan says six days would be too short to have a story go on without you. Simone chimes in she has never been camping but wants to be sent back to the bugs rather than home.

It’s time to vote. Simone votes Patrick. Patrick is not only a ginger but also left-handed as he votes Simone.

Jeff tallies the votes.

Nobody is playing a regular idol or a super idol.






Unanimous. Group hug on the way out. A sweet exit for Simone followed by a friendly wave. She seems so indifferent to the whole snuffing experience.boat2

Next Time on Survivor: A war erupts, and a line in the sand is drawn.

Simone is proud of herself for trying something outside of her comfort zone. She is sad it’s over.


For the second season in a row, Probst’s winner pick goes home at their first trip to Tribal Council. He will be too scared to do this again for Survivor 36.


In television dramas, this is what we call a bridge episode. Nothing much happened this week and will presumably set up for next week’s events.

Even though Lauren does not like Patrick very much, the Hustlers tribe is a very well-oiled machine. They lost a tough puzzle, and do not seem to take themselves too seriously. The Power Core of Patrick, Ali, Ryan, and Devon truly is a power core and Lauren is gonna go if another immunity challenge is lost.

The drama on the Hustlers is so damn minimal. A woman who works alone (“I work alone!” — Kung Fury) cannot stand somebody who is ten years younger than her and likes to talk, smile, and do things. Welcome to the relationship of every mom with their son’s outgoing high school buddy.

Then you’ve got the Power Couple tribe–er, I mean Heroes tribe. Every damn second has been “JP and Ashley aren’t a power couple– no seriously they aren’t– oh maybe they are, dammit– Alan really thinks they are a power couple”. Alan is just pretending to be dramatic. Otherwise, the whole tribe gets along fine.

This five-person tribe is truly a five-person tribe. I think either Ashley or Alan will go at the next Tribal Council, and something tells me it’s gonna be Ashley. I think Alan has kept his antics to a minimum.

And the Healers tribe? Also manufactured drama by a single player (Joe). We didn’t even see him pull Mike aside this episode or go to anyone else stating Mike has the idol. Sure, he mentioned that he was still doing so in confessionals, but none of the footage aired. He sprints into the jungle and finds the idol with Cole. Oh, and Cole and Jessica are a power couple.

I think Joe is genuinely befriending Mike, and I see him viewing Cole as a bigger trophy on his wall. I know there has been absolutely zero footage of Desi and Roark besides Roark swimming and being the small one who could light the torch, and Desi being Miss Virginia, but Cole has to be that first target.

Going to Tribal Council for the first time in round three or four is far more different than making your first trip in round one or two. They can afford to lose Cole, and we all know this since Survivor doesn’t preserve their three-tribe format beyond the fifth elimination.


Simone joins people like Candace, Kel, Jessie, Janet, Morgan, Mary, and probably a few others too who have an invisible first episode followed by a rapid exit in the second round.

Neither Katrina nor Simone left a big impression on the audience. It makes you wonder if editors truly thought both of these players were not entertaining enough to showcase or if they are merely focused on building their long-term characters.

There isn’t really much to comment on thus far. Lauren disliking Patrick is the only bad relationship in this whole game. We didn’t have any really funny scenes this week. The puzzle was unique in the immunity challenge. The elimination was predictable. And conversations and catchphrases we heard last week were once again being repeated this week.

I could see editors switching up the tribes after the next round because I don’t think this is what they wanted. Let’s get the Healers in there then re-distribute the game into three tribes of five.

‘Cause y’all are just being way too nice.boat2

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