Survivor: Heroes v Healers v Hustlers

Survivor Heroes v Healers v Hustlers: Weasels or Goats

Logan Saunders recaps Episode 6 of Survivor: Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers.

Survivor Heroes v Healers v Hustlers: Weasels or Goats

levuHeroes: Ashley, Joe, Desi, Devon

ashleyjoedesireedevon

soko

Healers: Chrissy, JP, Ryan, Ali

chrissyjohnryanali-1

yawa

Hustlers: Cole, Jessica, Mike, Lauren, Ben

colejessicamikelaurenbenhhh-barPreviously on Survivor: At the Levu tribe, there was a clear divide. At the Yawa tribe, Cole couldn’t hide his hunger. At the Soko tribe, Ryan found himself caught between a hero and a hustler (which sounds like the name of a rap song). At Tribal Council, Ryan voted with Chrissy and betrayed Ali.

Thirteen are left; who will be voted out tonight?

soko

NIGHT 14

ALI: What do you want to do, Ryan? What do you want to do?

If Ryan was Fred Durst, his answer would be “keep rollin’ rollin'”.

Ali asks Ryan why he wouldn’t tell her what the real plan was instead of thinking it was going to be JP or Chrissy.

RYAN: Because she and you were getting really close.

Yes, Ali and Roark were getting so close after all four days and zero Tribal Councils spent together in contrast to your guys’ bond.

ALI: You never told me anything. This was a two-person conversation and you never said anything.

RYAN: Because I thought you were getting too close and you weren’t trusting me anymore.

ALI: I don’t care. . .you tell me how you feel. . .I feel like I told you everything.

RYAN: She didn’t tell me everything.

ALI: Who cares about her? Why didn’t you tell me?

RYAN: Because you were close to her.

ALI: I was with this girl for four days. Why didn’t you trust me?

RYAN: I do trust you. I didn’t trust her. That’s why she’s gone. You were really close to her! You really were!

ALI: It was four days.

Man. Ryan came off as super defensive and insecure in this conversation. Everyone was trusting Ryan and telling him everything. Especially his ally from day one, Ali. Ryan is forgetting that he is one hundred percent responsible for this betrayal. Ali was counting on him at last Tribal Council, and Ryan made a clear decision.

I think this conversation alone may explain why Ryan cannot win this game. The best position he could ever be in is a Dreamz position where everyone puts their faith in him, and it becomes a matter of him not knowing what to do with all of that power as a key vote and instead upset everyone in the process.

ALI: I said a hundred times I wouldn’t cry.

Should’ve made it 101.

Ryan begins interrogating Ali about her alliance with Roark. Oh boy.

ALI: I love Chrissy. I think she is cool.

RYAN: YOU JUST WROTE CHRISSY’S NAME DOWN!

ALI: Because that’s what you wanted. Why are you getting mad–

RYAN: HOW AM I GETTING MAD?!?!

We cut to a confessional.

RYAN: Ali RAILS into me and it was a really bad look for her. . . I was hoping I could still work with her but she was infuriated with me for not telling her.

Whoa, buddy. You just railed into Ali because she wanted an explanation. She was calm the whole time while you were sniping at her. Ryan’s stock just plummeted.

yawa

DAY 15

Dr. Mike catches a fish with a spear. He is amazed that he was able to do this. Mike is excited to provide for his tribe. Jessica asks Mike if he feels like a man.

BEN: Flame broiled! Fish filet!

Mike drops the fish into the depths of the fire. Ben pulls a Jim Halpert and stares into the camera. He buries his face in his hands.

BEN: I’m glad I am on a tribe with you, Mikey.

Mike digs out the fish as Jessica and Ben are LAUGHING AT HIM (Margie O’ Donnell™). Mike still cooks it and eats it. Ben says Mike is doing great for being a fish out of water (or a fish fished out of the fire).

Ben’s head does a 180-degree turn as he watches Cole cook and eat bigger fish for himself. Cole literally has bigger fish to fry as everyone eyes the bigger fish.

All five tribe members are sitting around the fire except Cole who is standing. Cole wants rice. Nobody else is hungry and rice is minimal.

COLE: I don’t think you should cut out a whole meal. That’s not how your body works.

There is a good two-second pause before Lauren speaks.

LAUREN: Well, that’s how it’s going to have to work here because we don’t have much food. I’m just trying to be realistic.

COLE: Lauren, please don’t cut me off. I was trying to talk. You dominate conversations most of the time.

LAUREN: Talk. Talk until your heart can’t talk no more.

COLE: I think you should eat big while you have it.

Why does it cut to Jessica?

And it is classic Hunahpu strategy. Eat a ton of food and barter your rewards with Probst for more rice. Rinse and repeat.

LAUREN: Nobody here is starving here but you, and we can’t just feed you. If you want to eat yo rice, just cook it.

COLE: It’s fine. We’ll go with what we’ve decided.

LAUREN: We’ve–

COLE: Lauren, we’ll go with what we’ve decided.

Cole, please don’t cut Lauren off. She was trying to talk. You dominate conversations most of the time.

We cut to a Cole confessional.

COLE: I’m not getting enough food and it’s stupid. I need a bigger serving, and I’m not going to be strong enough for the challenges. Without me, there wouldn’t be a victory for the Yawa tribe.

Yawa has swept all four challenges. I think they’ll sweep.

Cole and Jessica flirt on the beach as the other three talk about how sick they are of Cole, and how Jessica wouldn’t be dumb enough to live in a van with Cole. Why a van?

LAUREN: The two of them are trying to be a power couple.

NO! Lauren, you’re pretty much my fav! Why would you use that forbidden phrase!

Jessica and Cole have a very strange massage on the beach as Lauren talks about how Mike is now on their side, and that they weren’t like Cole when they were twenty-four.

LAUREN: The more Cole acts like an idiot, the better off I am. He is digging his own grave.

And not even a nurse and the urologist can help him out.

hhh-bar

TRIBAL REWARD CHALLENGE #3 – DAY 15

PROBST: Roark voted out at the last Tribal Council.

COLE: Ah.

And that’s the extent of the reaction of the audience too. Poor Roark didn’t get much airtime.

NOTE: My parents repeatedly asked me who Roark was even though they have watched every episode all season. They still don’t remember her.

For today’s challenge, they will race to a set of poles. They will use the poles to transport a buoy across a balance beam. That buoy will release a boat. They will pull their boat to the finish where they will use a giant slingshot to knock down two targets.

First tribe to complete the challenge wins ten pizzas and ice cold soft drinks. Second place gets a pizza. Last place gets nada.

Sadly, this pizza is not sponsoured by Pizza Hut like in Survivor: New Zealand. Let’s see if Probst pulls a Matt Chisholm and takes a pizza for himself at the end of the challenge.

Desi’s fingers keep tickling her teeth during the entire pizza reveal.

Mike is sitting out for Yawa. In the words of Big John McCarthy, it’s time to get it on.

The challenge is underway.

ASHLEY-DESI

JP-ALI

BEN-COLE

Only the first pair has to transport the buoy. JP and Ali do the obstacle course easily. Ryan and Chrissy run over the beams quickly. That’s it. First stage is over.

Ben and Cole transport the buoy. Lauren and Jessica now run across the beam.

Desi and Ashley drop for only the third time in this challenge. This is a big build for a very quick challenge.

Soko is in the boat and they keep pulling until Probst points out they are stuck. He tells them to untie their boat. Ryan claims they did, but they didn’t. I don’t like it when Probst interferes with the outcome of a challenge.

This allows Yawa to be in a dead heat with Soko as they approach the platform.

Desi and Ashley transport the buoy. JP takes a tumble against the platform. Devon and Joe run across the beam easily as well. Levu eventually pulls themselves to the platform. I presume they are only behind by one minute.

The waves are ferocious as Joe, JP, and Ben are using the slingshot. The platforms are super wobbly. JP knocks down a target. So does Ben.

PROBST: Ben is on his knees!

Like the commands of Coach.

A huge swell comes in as Devon swaps in for Joe. JP doesn’t even bother to attempt firing a shot. Devon’s shots are way off as Joe subs back in. Probst is getting way too excited over the waves in the ocean. He is really talking about nothing.

JP hits a target. Ben knocks it down seconds later. I don’t think this challenge lasted more than fifteen to twenty minutes total. Perhaps even less.

Soko breaks Yawa’s four-challenge winning streak. Yawa still gets a pizza for Cole. Levu is back in familiar territory, and they can’t even blame it on a puzzle.

JP says being the challenge hero could paint a target on his back, but in this situation, he needed to step up and make himself valuable for the tribe.

soko

DAY 15

Chrissy looks ridiculous holding an entire pizza up to her mouth. So does Ali.

Ryan contemplates JP’s athleticism and strength come merge even though we all know individual challenges are never strength-based, and bigger framed dudes don’t frequently win individual challenges over the past several years.

JP talks about an ideal first date at a ballpark then beach. He likes a tri-tip salad. I guess it’s where you tip the waiter three times in one meal to show off you are a big man or something.

RYAN: He is tough to read because he doesn’t talk about much strategy. He mainly talks about chicks and bars–two things I don’t know anything about.

And if you keep voting off or shouting at young women and Probst hands you soft drinks rather than booze for rewards, that trend will always continue.

Ryan claims JP doesn’t know anything that’s going on in the game. JP says the first date would involve hanging out in the back of his truck looking at the stars with wood in the back of his truck.

RYAN: I’d like some wood in the back of a truck.

Alright, Ryan. I chuckled.

In the words of a CTU Director, Ryan wants to make eliminating JP Priority One.

levu

DAY 15

Desi and Joe talk about the Soko idol location. Meanwhile, Ashley and Devon think about whether or not Desi and Joe would go to rocks for each other. Ashley has a confessional in the Mary Sartain position.

Devon says he wants Ashley at the merge. Their plan is still to get Desi to flip on Joe.

Joe and Devon enter the jungle amidst tense energy. Devon thinks an idol still exists on Levu beach. We see a huge-ass spider as we cut to Ashley trying to persuade Desi into eliminating Joe. Desi rolls her eyes when thinking about when to vote out Joe.

ASHLEY: Would you vote him out?

DESI: . . . . . . .Oh yeah.

Not very convincing with a monstronormous pause like that.

Desi is picking her teeth during the conversation and tells us in a confessional that she intends to vote out Joe at the next Tribal Council.

In the jungle, Joe is aware that Devon is keeping him close to prevent him from finding an idol. It doesn’t matter because Joe sees the tree with the clue carved into it. For some reason, Joe is surprised to discover it’s hidden in the same location as the Soko beach.

levu

NIGHT 15

Everyone is asleep except Joe. He wants to have an idol without anybody knowing about it this time (even though Desi knowing about Joe’s idol is the only reason why it was used two rounds ago, but whatever).

Joe finds the idol buried about two centimetres in the ground. This is his second idol. He intends to find the third idol at merge (which he will have to hope is a re-hidden idol at the Soko beach).

yawa

DAY 16

Everyone is bored. Cole’s fingers are jittery. He attempts to close a fist. Cole declines a worm that Mike caught while dropping from a roof.

Cole stands up and BOOM! He faints and hits his head on bamboo. The way he drops was like somebody who thought there was a pool of Nestea behind him.

Mike is in control of the situation as Jessica’s butt blocks the camera for a second. She sacrifices her portion of rice for Cole. Mike gives Cole some water. Jessica and Mike do everything for Cole.

COLE: I just stood up too fast.

JESSICA: No, you’re just depleted.

Jessica realizes how much she cares for Cole and is not ready to give him up so easily even if he has played a terrible strategic and social game.

Cole lays down as he eats some rice. Mike views Cole as a massive liability.

Ben missed out on Cole fainting. I would be so pissed to miss that in camp. As someone who fainted a lot in high school, I still find it hilarious when I see someone faint. It is both scary and funny.

Ben and Mike talk alone on a rock. Doc on a Roc.

BEN: He should’ve worried more about his appetite than his six-pack. He should’ve packed on a few pounds. . . We can’t cater and pander to him any longer. Out.

Ben has permanently nicknamed Mike as Doc.

Cole and Jessica are on the beach.

COLE: As long as I’m not passed out on the ground, I’m here for you and I care about you.

Which may soon become like half of the day for the remainder of the game. He’s already down to nothin’.

hhh-bar

TRIBAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE #6

Lauren does a pump fake with the idol but Probst takes it back as well as the idol from Desi.

For today’s challenge, they will each hold a rope suspending a disc. They will work together stacking blocks on that disc spelling IMMUNITY. At any time if someone falls off or the blocks fall off the disc, they must start over.

First two tribes to finish win immunity.

Lauren is sitting out.

PROBST: Give you a minute to strategize. . . WE’LL GET STARTED!

Luckily Joe Del Campos from Survivor: Kaoh Rong is not in this challenge to constantly mess up the spelling.

This has to be the smallest challenge build I have seen for a tribal challenge on Survivor in quite a while. Thankfully this is a unique two-tribe challenge.

Ryan gets scolded because he is holding onto the rope too tight as the Soko tower falls.

Levu has six blocks. Yawa also at six. Levu is about to put the seventh up but it tips. Soko drops for a third time.

Dr. Mike places the seventh block. Only one to go. It’s all on Cole. He puts the final one on. Now he just has to make it back to the barrel. Unfortunately, the blocks tumble like Cole in a shelter.

Levu and Soko have six blocks on the board. Yawa is already at three. Soko has seven as Desi is right there with number seven for Levu.

Yawa breaks the challenge by having three people do max tension in the rope while whoever’s turn it is does nothing.

Yawa is up to seven letters. JP holds the final letter. Devon places the final letter for Levu. JP places the final letter for Soko. Jessica places the final letter for Yawa. Jesus. This is coming down to seconds.

Jessica casually walks back. Yawa wins immunity. At that second Soko drops. Devon stretches his foot to touch a line. Levu takes second place.

Yawa wins five out of six challenges since the switch. Levu quietly takes immunity and we avoid seeing Devon being idoled. He must be happy.

Ali fears how much she’ll pay for Ryan shouting at him after Tribal Council two days ago.

soko

DAY 16

JP: Losing is not a big deal right now. . . Ali is next to go and there is nothing she can do about it.

You mean Ryan won’t take a risk and force a 2-2 tie by going against Chrissy’s will?

Ryan really wants to eliminate JP. He decides to win Ali back over and apologizes to Ali for being petrified of Roark.

ALI: I’m just petrified.

Petrified like wood in the back of JP’s truck.

Ali proposes they eliminate JP. Ryan is scared of JP post-merge. Ali offers to pitch the idea to Chrissy because Chrissy is a smart person.

We see Ali and Chrissy’s first one-on-one conversation in three episodes. She wants to prove her loyalty to Chrissy.

CHRISSY: It isn’t about what will make this four-man team strong. . . what matters is who I can beat once we get to the merge.

This is music to Ali’s ears.

ALI: I feel like I can put the loyalty in you that I put in Ryan.

Chrissy isn’t buying it because Ali just voted against her in the previous round.

Chrissy and Ryan now sit together. He wants to play with people who love the game and talks about being happy to play with Ali.

RYAN: I don’t know why everybody wants to work with me. I’m a friggin’ weasel.

More like a goat, mi amigo.

hhh-bar

TRIBAL COUNCIL #6

(KATRINA)-(SIMONE)-(PATRICK)-(ALAN)-(ROARK)

X

(ALI)-(CHRISSY)-(JP)-(RYAN)

Probst describes the tribe as a roller coaster. That’s a bit of an extreme description.

Ryan admits the future Healer unification threat with Roark. Ali thinks it is now all swept under the rug.

Chrissy knows everyone believes a merge is imminent.

Probst asks JP if he is concerned about the merge because threats go home around this point.

JP: You know, you can kind of say what you wanna say, like build your case, and at the end of the day, like, you know, okay, you know move forward.

Man. Jeremiah from Cagayan’s “You Know” ratio might be beaten.

ALI: I have no idea what he is thinking. Ever.

Even Alan couldn’t read JP.

Everyone talks about JP’s invisible and quiet game. Ryan is threatened by it.

PROBST: JP, you appear to be the piece of granite you appear to be carved from this entire Tribal.

JP: If I was to walk down the path, like, you know, I’ll be thinking what I should have done because, like, at the end of the day, you know, make me think about it. . . so maybe it’s a good wake-up call.

A wind storm hits Tribal Council. Chrissy says they are all four great players (or currently Chrissy on top with three others surrounding her).

It’s time to vote.

JP votes Ali.

Ali votes JP.

The other two votes are a mystery. No exciting vote reasonings.

FIRST VOTE: (ALI)

SECOND VOTE: (JP)

THIRD VOTE: (ALI)

LAST VOTE: (ALY)

ALI: You’re kidding me.

Ali sits in her chair and cries for a few seconds. This is awkward. She walks away to grab her torch still crying.

ALI (tears): Good luck beating him.

She slinks away with her tail tucked between her legs.

Probst acknowledges Chrissy, JP, and Ryan are counting on a merge. Will they get it?

hhh-bar

Next Time on Survivor: A bomb is dropped. The target is in sight and it is a race to gather troops.

Ali is annoyed a “little twerp” like Ryan ruined her game and that Chrissy is the “liar of liars” and is going to win the game.

boat

It would have been hilarious to see Cole join the Joe Anglim Club of those who nearly die and get voted out in the same episode. Oh well.

boat

I am glad that Levu won immunity once Joe found another idol. What was once an interesting situation was bound to be a repeat of their previous trip to Tribal Council.

(DEVON and ASHLEY vote against JOE; JOE plays idol.)

PROBST: First vote. . . Joe.

JOE: I read your face, baby girl!

ASHLEY: But there was only four of us and you would be stupid not to play your idol in such a small group–

JOE: I SAID I READ YOUR FACE, BABY GIRL!

Joe has found idols and Joe has found idols over the past five episodes. I can’t think of anything interesting that has happened to him other than hanging out near Tree Mail to play in the dirt.

boat

This is Chrissy’s game on Soko. She is the only one who benefitted from Roark and Ali’s consecutive exits. She’ll reconnect with Ben and Ashley. Since Ashley and Ryan are both extremely close to Devon, and Mike and Lauren are bound to flip against Cole, ladies and gentlemen, we have our majority.

In fact, Cole is such an obvious boot to go home next round, and Joe has an idol that Jessica is at a huge risk of being voted out next round. I’ll be shocked if it doesn’t play out that way to be honest.

boat

Lauren is awesome. I know Cole is going to interrupt me as soon as he starts reading this, but man, I have never seen a middle-aged woman destroy this many alpha males on Survivor.

boat

Poor Ali. I didn’t think highly of her prior to the start of the season, but that quickly changed. She was doing so well in terms of entertainment value, being a good narrator, physically strong, and socially strong, but Ryan’s insecurities and Chrissy’s cutthroat approach is what essentially ousted her from the game.

This sequence of losing Alan, Roark, and Ali prior to the merge has been a pretty brutal sequence. In fact, these three were in my top five of my favourite characters that were left at the start of the switch.

Let’s hope it doesn’t affect the second half of this season as much as I fear it will.

boat

Both challenges appear to have played out very very quickly. I don’t understand why only one buoy was transported. All it did was ensure the reward challenge was very close between all three tribes.

And I don’t fault producers for what they attempted in the immunity challenge. I doubt we will see it again after Yawa broke the challenge halfway through.

P.S. I really wanted the merge to be delayed by one more round. Especially if Soko went to Tribal Council.

boat2

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