Hi. Welcome back. Another fun week was had in Portland, Oregon. I don’t think anybody reading this cares, but right now it’s really cold here. Plus, right now I’m choosing to make really bad choices with women. I think I’m going to try to write a book about this. I think I’ve gone out on dates with at least twenty girls in the past eleven months. Anytime I find a woman I like, after the second or third date when they start wanting to plan things, I freak out like a seven year old boy who knows he has to go to the doctor’s for shots.
I think I have dated every type of woman there is without discrimination. Portland is a small city and I feel like at least once a week I have the moment where I’m walking downtown and I see someone I’ve gone out with and we have the moment of “Do I pretend not to see them? Do I say “Hi”? Do we shake hands? Do we hug? Do we just do the walk- without-stopping-hi? Do they remember my name? Hey, they’re looking good, should I ask them out again?” I’m thirty-four. All of my younger siblings on my mom’s side are married and my nineteen year old brother on my dad’s side, I would strongly bet, will get married before me as well. I’m like a cross of Don John and George Clooney in Up in the Air –only better looking, JK ;). Sometimes I feel like your destiny is your destiny and you’re playing a real life role that will play out the way it’s supposed to play out. Even if you try to change, it won’t work because then you’re not being authentic.
That’s the paragraph that is going to lead us into Survivor tonight. You think at the start of every season that “on paper” every player has an equal to chance to win the game, right? No! Most times you can watch the “Meet the Cast” video and, automatically and correctly, eliminate at least fifty percent of the cast. When the season starts you get an idea probably two episodes in what the general destinies of each Survivor player will be. This season, after the third episode, I think the majority of us would agree that this season was coming down to Jeremy, Josh, and Missy. Josh is gone. We’re left with Jeremy and Missy, and if I offered you those two or the field, wouldn’t most of you take those two and take your chances?
I feel like everybody else’s destiny this season is only to propel either of those two into the champion’s seat, just like I’m meant to be a bachelor. I feel that Baylor’s destiny is to provide a moment for Missy to overcome Baylor’s Survivor death. I feel like Jon and Jackie have served their destinies, which was to get Missy and Jeremy into this current position in the game, because their votes the past three episodes have swung the balance of the game into Missy’s hands. I feel like everybody else’s destiny is to play the “red shirts”, to be the pawns that are put in place to set up either Missy or Jeremy and when they are of no use, they are gone, banished to Bitter Jury Ranch.
Maybe after tonight I will look very stupid and Missy will get outplayed and voted out by a move orchestrated by Wes and Alec, but I’m not holding my breath for that. These upcoming episodes feel like movies we already know the ending to. Like the last twenty minutes of the movie Clue, where there were three endings shown, two endings that were stretches and the last ending labeled as “Here’s what probably actually happened”. I think that is what we have here; Missy winning the game as the most likely ending, Jeremy winning as the second most likely, and then maybe a wild card winning the game as the least likely.
Let’s get onto the show. It’s 8 pm Portland, Oregon time.
Previously on Survivor: It’s kind of funny, isn’t it, when Jeff is recapping last week’s episode and he describes the team of Josh, Reed, Alec, Jon and Jackie as a “power alliance”. I mean that may very well be the most liberal use of the phrase “power alliance” in the history of Survivor. I’m guessing now that head of the snake (Josh) got cut off, the rest of that “power alliance” will turn into Bradley Whitford at the end of Billy Madison:
Black-and-white camera vision is back…whoa… I feel better. It was weird without it.
Reed gets the spotlight on him for the first time this season with Josh now gone. He’s not sure whom to roll with now, but my guess is that he will be quiet and stand in the corner unnoticed.
Keith calls everybody out at camp. I like Keith. I wish he was dealt better cards this season. I have no idea what’s going to happen tonight, but my sense is that he is a Dead Man Walking tonight. I hope I’m wrong.
Earliest commercial break of this season so far. We get ad for the CBS show The McCarthy’s (I don’t care if I spelled that wrong). “Critics raved: All hail, Laurie Metcalf. She’s hilarious.” What!? Did a real critic actually say that? Is that even possible? That critic should immediately have his/her laptop taken from them and slammed onto concrete, and then they should be regulated to monitoring, “No strings attached” Craigslist ads. I mean, we’re talking about Rosanne’s sister, right? If you ever have seen Scream 2, she’s the secret bad guy. I don’t care if I’m spoiling it, it was such a random, awful ending, specifically with goddamn Laurie Metcalf playing a pivotal role in the plot of a pretty well-hyped movie (at that time in the world, Scream 2 had some serious buzz… just trust me on that).
Back from commercial and it’s time for the reward challenge.
Whoa, Jeremy looks like he has aged thirty years. He is balding and is fifty pounds and a pair of glasses away from looking like Clarence Thomas. When did he randomly start balding this season? I’m really discombobulated by this.
Battle of balance in this challenge and the highlight is Keith taking out Alec. Keith looked like Daniel Larusso there. I guess all his training paid off for this challenge:
I’m sorry, but Jackie sucks. I’m sure she is good person and I’m only talking as a Survivor player here, but she is just annoying. Other than sleeping with Jon, she is not really bringing anything to the table skills-wise for this game… I mean nothing. Her social game is pitiful, her challenge skills are hardly invincible, she whines, and I’m just not a fan at all.
Natalie and Jeremy, I guess in a show of gratefulness for the vote last week, give up their spots for the reward. If there’s one person who deserves a reward it’s Jackie… really good to see humanity at its finest here….gross.
Commercial: Speaking of TV shows, is there anything right now that is higher than a C? I’m sorry, I know The Walking Dead is one of the most popular shows off all time, but you can’t argue that it’s in the same class of The Wire, Breaking Bad, or The Sopranos. IF I were a character on that show, my first course of action would be to get one of Daryl’s arrows and shoot it into Carl’s forehead. That is all.
Back from commercial and we join the non-reward players.
Natalie explains her reasoning for giving up her spot in the reward. I don’t think Natalie can win this game this season, but I appreciate that she is not taking it lying down. She is thinking and strategizing. I went into this season not having a high opinion of Natalie, but she has shown that she could be a formidable player. Her problem, like Keith’s, is that she was just not destined to win this season. She got dealt crappy cards… sort of.
We join Jeremy on Exile Island. Jeremy goes hunting for the idol that Jon already has.
We join the reward winners and Jon and Jackie. Was anybody else there put-off that Jon led the toast for the “winners”? That would be like Charlie Rose leading The Breaking Bad cast finale toast with something like “It’s been a fun journey”, after appearing in one episode in seven years.
Reed is naturally not feeling the good vibes of the reward. He tells us that he’s going to try to stir things up at camp. Do any of the players even know who Reed is would be my question?
We get our eighth commercial of the episode for some reason. Speaking of TV shows, you know what I actually really like?… Shark Tank. I would love to get rich quick with some invention. I mean, some guy came up with a magnetic clip that holds your glasses and he’s a millionaire now. Why can’t I come up with something like that? Maybe I can sell this blog to Mark Cuban for two hundred grand and take 20 percent…too low/high?
Whoa, we get another quick black-and-white cam for Jeremy as he can’t sleep on Exile. He is discouraged that he didn’t find the idol. He thinks Jon may have already found the idol, and if so, he is not going to be a happy camper.
Fast forward to Jon’s realization that Jeremy is going to know that he has the idol. Jon tries to process this with Jackie who has gone back into mannequin setting.
We go to the Immunity Challenge. Jeff welcomes back Jeremy and everybody slow claps for some reason. What does that clap signify? Are they forced to clap? Is there anything worse than being forced to clap for something you don’t think is clap worthy? Rob, if you’re reading this (I doubt it), can you please answer me?!!! I feel like Atreyu in The Neverending Story yelling for Bastian to believe:
Can’t you picture Rob reading this and shouting, “It can’t be real! It’s only a story!”
All the foot-fetish people get aroused as Jeff announces that for this challenge, you can only use your feet.
Baylor wins the challenge. Missy’s soccer mom is out a little too much for everyone’s liking.
Jeremy takes us to commercial saying that he is happy that one of his alliance members won the competition. This could very well mean that Jeremy is in trouble.
Commercial: Speaking of the movie Clue earlier, don’t you think that we’re due for a good board game turned movie? I know a Battleship movie came out, but I wouldn’t consider that a board game movie. Wouldn’t it be cool if they came out with a futuristic, science fiction movie for the game Sorry? Or maybe a Tim Burton directed version of Candyland? I think I may be onto something here.
Back to the camp where Reed thinks his time is up. I don’t think anybody sees him as a target, so why would he start trouble? Why would he turn on Keith? If you were Reed, wouldn’t you go for the other alliance that you weren’t a part of? I mean, I guess it’s every man for himself, but it just feels bitchy. Reed makes his case to Missy and Baylor.
Keith figures out that everybody knows he has an idol. Hopefully, this helps out the old guy somehow.
Jeremy confronts Jon about having an idol. Jon lies and says he doesn’t have it, and I guess Jeremy for some horrible reason believes him.
I can barely catch up as so much is happening. Jon goes to Missy and confesses to having the idol and tells her that he wants Jeremy out soon. This once again proves that Missy is alpha-dog on the island. He felt compelled to tell Missy out of fear? Out of guidance?
Tribal Council time: things get heated when Jackie makes a horrible point about Wes and Keith not talking to her, and yes, I’m getting bitter. I just don’t get her entitlement when it comes to her status in this game. I don’t think she’s earned any. This sparks some heated exchanges with Jon and Wes.
It’s looking like the vote is going towards Keith and Wes, but my god do I want Jon and Jackie to go.
We go to the vote………..
Wow! I mean, wow…Jeremy gets voted out. I did not see that coming even though I said before the last commercial break that there was some foreshadowing to his demise.
This is going to be a disjointed recap (more so than usual).I can’t believe Jeremy just got voted out. I really thought based on that Tribal argument that Keith was a dead man. Keith didn’t even have to play his idol. I’m reeling right now, because this does feel unexpected. I mean, does Jeremy’s leaving at this point make Missy more powerful or now a clearer target to the players? This is just crazy. I mean Keith voted for Reed? I need to regroup.
So, I think clearly Missy is our number one seed by far. I think Keith has now emerged as Missy’s next biggest rival, because he is smart and he has an idol. Keith seems to have a decent idea of what’s happening around him. He’s not Columbo, but for this season I think that may be good enough. Missy obviously doesn’t see Keith as a huge threat, because tonight she could have voted him out with Baylor, but instead decided to take out Jeremy. She probably thought that this was the best time because the negative reaction light looks like it’s going to be primarily shined on Jon.
Based on the previews for the next episode, it looks like Jon’s time has come and it will be well- deserved. Jon has served his purpose this season and I’m convinced he will leave the game with an idol in his pocket. It will be fun to watch Jackie play without Jon, so I am really rooting for this to happen.
The only thing to watch for is Natalie next episode. Will Natalie blame Missy, and if so, she does seem like the type of person who could raise such a ruckus that it could pose potential problems for Missy. It looks like Natalie is going to turn on Jon, but it is something to watch out for next episode.
At the start of tonight, I said like the movie Clue, there are three possible scenarios for this season. Jeremy losing tonight eliminates one of those scenarios, which gives us either, Missy rolling the rest of the way which seems the most likely, or the wildcard scenario. I will pose the same question I asked earlier, but now without Jeremy in the equation: would you rather bet on Missy to win the game or take the field? Right now, I’m taking my non-profit salary and betting the house on Missy.