Rob Has a Blogger: How the Survivor Woo Girls Blew It

Richie Glanzer will be writing a blog all season long for Rob Has a Website as we continue to cover “Survivor: One World” from every conceivable angle. Click Here to Read more About Rich

So back in “The Day,” I worked at AAA. “The Day” was 1998. Much like today, all my co-workers were female. And for whatever their flawed reasons were, they thought I was a little cocky and chauvinistic.

So this girl, Jen, started talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and she said to me, “Buffy can kick your ass.”

I replied, “You’re right because it would be in the script. But if Sarah Michelle Gellar and I ever got into a boxing match, she’d be floored in the first minute.”

And I proved my point when Gellar not only ignored my multiple attempts to box her, but put a restraining order on me.
Okay, I jest about the attempts to fight as well as the restraining order, but I ask my loyal followers again, allow me to be politically incorrect.

While there are exceptions to every rule, men are stronger than women. Men are more athletic than women. Survivor typically doesn’t cast too many exceptions in one season and this season appears to be a typical Survivor season.
Which makes me ask Jeff Probst and Mark Burnett, “what were you thinking having men vs. women?”

The question is rhetorical because I think I know the answer; they were thinking it would make riveting television. And despite the current shutout, I think we are getting it. For now.

For me, Survivor is rarely this interesting, this early. But this week we got a ton of good TV. Colton committed treason again, the girls imploded, Probst quoted the Spice Girls, and Matt threw a “little person” into the sea.

The current domination by the men is not at all surprising.  I’ve watched many shows employ the Battle of the Sexes and there’s always one constant. Men get along better with men than women get along with women. Which is why I can’t understand why Colton keeps going over to the women’s side. I mean, he doesn’t even like boobies.

While the show is entertaining now, if the girls don’t win an immunity soon, it may get all sorts of boring. And their odds deplete after each elimination, because not only did they vote off one of their strong, but the men will probably get to sit out two of their weak. This means instead of going against four Frat Boys, four Misfits, and one Colton, they will be going against four Frat Boys and a combination of only three from the Misfits/Colton alliance.

Robin with the Woo Girls on How I Met Your Mother

Robin with the Woo Girls on "How I Met Your Mother"

So is all hope lost for the girls? As a team, it’s fading fast. As individuals, there will be some survivors (pun was a little intended but not as much as you think.) I think at least a few of the Woo Girls will make a deep run.

Of course I’m stealing the Woo Girls from a great episode of the CBS show, “How I Met Your Mother”, when Robin was hanging out with a bunch of girls who would scream, “Wooooooo!!!” at everything. I call Sabrina, Chelsea, Alicia, Kim and Kat the Woo Girls, because much like their compatriots on HIMYM, they are going to regret their decision in the morning.

Last week I admonished Matt for telling us how Survivor “always” works, by the strong getting rid of the weak early. I scoffed at his opinion because I felt the men were stronger than the women and they don’t need the maximum physical strength to defeat the women. Well, it’s the opposite for the women tribe. They should have taken a page out of Matt’s playbook and eliminated the weakest person who wasn’t in their alliance. And that’s Christina. Now obviously Kat is excluded because Nina was gunning for her, but right now, you need to not only have your best athletes, but you need strong competitors. And despite her grumpy personality, Nina does not come across as the weakest link. And for the record, neither does Kat.

Sure the youngest Woo Girl is impetuous, but her spirits are high. Sabrina told her in front of her tribemates, “You’re very much a rah-rah girl and that’s great and we need that.” While I’m quite sure Sabrina didn’t mean a word of the “we need that” part, she should. Sabrina went all Billy Beane/sabremetrics on Kat telling her, “But at the end of the day logic and strategy trumps rah-rah. Rah-rah a little bit on the inside, and then listen for strategy.”

While I love her plethora of leadership skills, and her obvious athletic mindset, I’m holding off on the marriage proposal because down 3-0 in challenges, 2-0 in immunity and with no tarp and rain a comin’, the girls have a chance to implode. Someone who is fun, can make them laugh and provides some rah-rah will be needed. I agree Kat needs to listen to strategy more, but if she keeps up her enthusiasm, that can help them get them a W. So smart move by the Woo Girls in keeping their alliance at five, but they should have gotten rid of Christina, not Nina. Nina is more athletic than Christina and saving her would have made her less grumpy.

Which brings us to award time. Who will be my hero, and who will get my heel? And remember, the hero award is given to the person who set themselves up nicely, and the heel is someone who missed a golden opportunity to do the same.

Richie’s Hero:

It’s not often that I’m going to give my prestigious hero award to the person who commits treason on his tribe two weeks in a row, annoys the heck out of the competing tribe so much so that they kick him out, throws a personal pity party for himself and then commits one of the biggest Survivor Sins that everyone does, and shows off his Hidden Immunity Idol.
But damn it Colton, you are on another freaking level. The Laziest Player to ever play Survivor decided to show off his Idol and then proclaim, “I’m on board with the most random group of people in the entire world. And until I can get with the girls I have to associate myself with these misfits. They can call themselves the Misfits Alliance, I’ll just be their King. I mean this is my world. They should just call this Survivor Colton’s World.”

The crazy part? He’s not even a little bit delusional. Jonas may have well dropped to one knee ala Coach to Russell when he said, “So Colton went from the first guy voted out to now the ringleader. And I mean I knew the kid was a freak of nature…the kid is ridiculously smart.”

Brilliant actually.

The idol, if used perfectly, won’t save you just one week, it will save yourself multiple weeks. And though I normally don’t think you should display it publicly till the end, Colton made sure the Misfits realized he wasn’t on the chopping block, so don’t vote for him. Brilliant. Now somebody make him that damn sandwich.

But I can’t give the Hero if I don’t give the Heel. To be honest, every single girl should be eligible for not going to Colton, “You could hang out with us, if you throw the next challenge.” I’m telling you, it would have freaking worked. Colton, can you throw me another tweet and let my doubters know that I am right?

But the one most deserving of…

Richie’s Heel:

Chelsea, you had this game. It was yours. And if you don’t make it to the merge, you only have yourself to blame. Rob has told me I can write for his blog if I throw him a bi-weekly compliment. So here it is. As crazy a game as Rob played early in the Amazon, he knew he would never have to pay for his pre-tribe switch flip-flopping because all the people he screwed would be out of the game, and not in the jury. Rob knew he could play both sides, and then pick the side he wanted to align with.

Chelsea, you had this chance.

Nina was furious with Kat and said to Chelsea, “She (Kat) should be going home. She’s been ruining this tribe. I know she’s fun but she’s been ruining it. Ignorant nitwit. Outlast outwit but you can’t when you’re witless.”

Chelsea laughed a knowing laugh and then Nina made an awesome play, one which should have worked, saying, “You’re too smart to let this happen. We can actually redeem ourselves as a tribe and not let this happen, because right now we look like idiots.” Chelsea agreed saying, “Trust me I’ve been embarrassed since I’ve been here.”

Chelsea should have implored the other Wooers to keep Nina one more week and get rid of Christina. Alicia certainly would have gone for it. Privately, Chelsea could have talked to Nina and Monica about proving to the guys that the girls are just as strong, and just as athletic. While not true, it would have won them over. And then if you have to get rid of those two next week. Oh well.

But if you win the next couple of challenges, come tribe switch time (try to act surprised) you not only would have had all the Woo Girls loyal to you, you would have had Monica and Nina loyal as well. And the best part is if you lost the next challenge, you had the option to possibly reassess your current alliance or just get rid of Monica or Nina with no consequence other than a little awkwardness on the night of the reunion. So Chelsea, don’t you dare argue with me, accept my heel, for you are, unfortunately, very deserving.

Personal Thoughts:

As much as I’m ragging on Sabrina and Chelsea, I’m really digging their athletic and non-girly attitudes. They both don’t come off as quitters, and if they get a little lucky during tribe switch time, I can see either in the final three with enough votes to win.

I also like Monica. She has the line of the season when she said dejectedly, “I’m sad. I’m sad for women. This isn’t the way women are and frankly I’m so embarrassed.” While I laugh at her dismay, I root for her redemption because allow me to be politically correct for a change. She’s right and wrong. Some women are really competitive, some women aren’t. Just like men. And playing on a coed hockey team for four years…some of my favorite teammates were women and some of my least favorite were men. And vice-versa. It really all boils down to personality, not gender. She got stuck with a few bad apples, but she also has some good competitors with Sabrina and Chelsea. And Kat. You’ll see. You’ll all see! Or maybe there will be no tribe switch and the guys will pull a ‘72 Dolphins and go undefeated. How the hell should I know?

Lastly, allow me to pull a David Murphy. In Survivor Redemption Island instead of asking Boston Rob, Phillip or the young girl who had no chance a question at Final Tribal, David spoke to his fellow jurors and implored them to use their vote to make Rob the winner. So I’m turning to you my loyal followers and telling you this—I know Colton wants to be Survivor Famous, but the kid has more game than we are giving him credit for. When he told Jonas, “I have to make Matt and Mike think I’m still with them, because if they get scared they’re gonna like pull something,” it showed that he’s thinking game strategy. Albeit flawed game strategy, since the Misfits plus Colton make five, and that’s a majority, so there’s no reason to play your idol, but at least he has his head more in the game than we are giving him credit for.

Love me or hate me, feel free to email me and let me know what I can do better. My email is RichieGlanzer [at] gmail [dot] com and I promise to respond to every email I get. Or you can do the Twitter thingee and tweet me at @RichieHero7.

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