Rob Has a Blogger: Handicapping the Survivor Final 6

Richie Glanzer will be writing a blog all season long for Rob Has a Website as we continue to cover Survivor: One World; from every conceivable angle. Click Here to Read more About Rich

“And down the stretch they come…”

In honor of the Kentucky Derby, I’m going to compare the Survivors to famous horses. Unfortunately, I really only know two. Secretariat and Mr. Ed. Kim is Secretariat. The rest are Mr. Ed.

OK, that was too short, so what we’ll do from here is give a brief rundown of every player who remains and their chances to win.

Christina: As you all know, I’m a fan of Christina. She seems like a good-hearted soul and wants to be a really good player. For reasons I’m not sure of, she never fit in with her alliance and was always on the bottom, ensuring herself that she’d have no power in the game. So for most of the episodes, she’s been trying not to make waves, rather than make plays, since those plays would have put her on Kim’s radar and eliminated her.

But still, she should have, at some point, taken the risk of getting eliminated and try to break up the women’s alliance. She should have went with Troyzan and tried like heck to explain to Alicia and Kat why the move would have worked. I still don’t think she would have won the game, but at least she would have done more.

I think her only path to victory is if Kim takes her and Alicia to the finals and the jury is so bitter that they give the duke to Christina out of spite. But I really don’t see this happening.

Alicia: It appears that Alicia had more power, and was higher on the totem pole than most people thought when she said no to Troyzan. She very well might make it to the final three. At this point, I see Alicia and Sabrina as the only two that may make a run at Kim and if she is able to blindside Kim, and can take credit, then I see where she can win the game. But I don’t think she will attempt to blindside Kim. I don’t think it would work since Kim is too aware and has the idol. Even if she was to successfully blindside Kim, Sabrina may be considered more likable so I don’t think Alicia has much of a chance to win. Very, very slim.

Sabrina: Sabrina was one of my early favorites, but she’s just proven to be a less-athletic-than-I-thought foot soldier. I don’t foresee her waking up anytime soon and I imagine she’s the next one to go. Her only chance is to blindside Kim and, like I said with Alicia, I don’t see it happening. If she makes it to the final three, I would doubt she would beat Kim, but I don’t see her making it to the final three.

Tarzan: I viewed Tarzan as one of the most useless Survivors of all time. He allowed himself to get swollen whole by the girls’ alliance, as if he enjoyed it. I wasn’t surprised when he got down on a knee to see his wife because he seems like someone that would be wearing the proverbial dress in the relationship. But was I wrong about him? Does he know something I don’t that’s allowed him to survive this long??

No. He sucks. But if he makes it to the finals he can absolutely win. Kim would be a fool to let him get to the finals. And I do think that’s a possibility. If there is an anti-Kim vote, those votes would most likely go to Tarzan. I don’t think Kim will let him go to the finals and I don’t foresee Tarzan trying in any of the challenges. Absolutely useless, I can’t understand why America loves him.

Chelsea: The only path for victory for Chelsea is if Kim brings her along to the end, Tarzan isn’t sitting next to her, and the jury is bitter. She will never vote out Kim. That being said, I think there’s a decent chance of just that happening. Kat and Chelsea were the two people that I think the jury could take a liking too and the fact that Kat is gone is the best thing for her.

Also, Chelsea is set after the show is over to be Ivanka, Don Jr., or Eric Trump’s replacement since she is just as good of a, “Yes Man” as any of those three.

Kim: I think Kim made another mistake getting rid of Kat. I understand she had to not impose her will this time so the others wouldn’t see how truly powerful she is, but the play wasn’t to get rid of Sabrina, it was to get rid of Tarzan. In a secret scene, Kim explained why they got rid of Kat, “If the jury is bitter and pissed, Kat wins the million dollars because they’ve come to love her.”

Kim, you are making the jury bitter and pissed. If you follow the script and get rid of Tarzan, Christina, and Alicia, the odds of a bitter jury decrease drastically. There is a chance she is going to come across like that-dude’s-name-I-don’t-remember-who-was-partnered-with-Brenda-the-year-Fabio-won. I just remembered his name, it’s Sash. Don’t be like Sash.

But the point is, if you go in with Sabrina, Chelsea, and Kat, everyone is going to respect your game, and you can say to anyone upset, these girls were in my alliance for 40 days, I stayed loyal while controlling the game. Now emotion may come into play, not to mention your disloyalty will open the eyes of others.

I’d put your odds at winning at 85%. You’re playing an amazing game and I’m just nitpicking at this point. And even though I’m 100% right about the nitpicks (Yes, I freakin’ em’ Damnbueno), you are not only a horse, but a beast. If you don’t win it would be a shame.

Richie’s Hero:

Through no fault of his own, it’s Tarzan. I never thought I saw a way he wins this game, but he seems almost endearing and lovable to the girls, so as they say in a movie he should have starred in, Dumb and Dumber, “So you’re saying there’s a chance?” I wasn’t until last episode, now there is. Congrats.

Richie’s Heel:

Sabrina, heed Mr. Probst words. If Kat could get blindsided, no one is safe—especially you. Wake up.

Richie’s Thoughts:

Look, there’s no defending Kat’s play this week. You can argue about which was the worst of her plethora of epically bad plays and your head would explode. But at least she had valid reasoning for not taking Christina, Tarzan, Sabrina or Chelsea…because she hated them and wanted them dead.  At least that’s what it sounded like she said.

I will say this—the girl is a competitor and if she gets another chance to play on the Island, I would bet she would try to be like Parvati and make the most of it. But a word to Kat, true competitors don’t beg their opponent to step off, which is why, you notice, Kim didn’t.

Are Sabrina and her older brother still stuck in those ropes?

This is a true story. Cesternino’s lawyer’s contacted me about me violating my contract and not giving him his bi-weekly compliment, so allow me to say this. Rob was at the Mets game on Saturday and at one point they were losing, but when the video scoreboard showed Rob, all the fans rose, and the Mets players were so inspired they scored four runs in the fourth inning and won the game. Great job Mr. Cesternino.

Youtube Survivor Trev. Trust me, he’s hilarious. I’m an insecure jealous guy, I want to be the best Survivor reporter there is. But I have to raise Trev’s hand because every episode I’m laughing very hard. Watch them all in order. Its worth it.

Lastly, Kim is absolutely right to be winning all these immunities. The girls know how much of a threat she is, so no reason to fake it at this point.

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