Survivor SA: Philippines

Survivor SA: Philippines — “The Ugly Truth”

Logan Saunders recaps episode 7 of Survivor South Africa: Philippines ahead of episode 8.

SURVIVOR SOUTH AFRICA: PHILIPPINES Episode 7: “THE UGLY TRUTH”

Previously on Survivor SA: On Mindanao, Tevin and PK were running the show. In a combined reward and immunity challenge, Tom and Palesa put their differences aside to win for Visayas, but Chane realized her friendship with Tom was not going to benefit her game. With both Luzon and Mindanao going to Tribal Council, Josie tried to convince Toni to vote for Werner. While Toni kept Werner busy, he found his second hidden immunity idol.

At Tribal Council, Matthew’s Anus quit the game.

In a surprise twist, the vote turned into a tribe swap.

Twelve are left; how many women will be seduced by Nico’s sexy voice tonight?

 

LUZON

DAY 16

ANNALIZE: Why does every time I step into Tribal Council it always has to be so dramatic?

Yeah, it’s a shame you missed out on Stacey and Murischa’s “vote me out” anti-climatic TCs.

Annalize comments on the mansion at Luzon.

ANNALIZE: I love the two bloykeys on my other tribe but those donkeys can’t lift a finger.

I feel like I didn’t transcribe that properly.

Jeanne agrees that Tevin and PK are super lazy dudes as Werner puts a gigantic log on the fire and stokes it.

ANNALIZE: This is a real man. I haven’t seen a man since my husband.

Real men play with fire? Is Annalize’s husband a pyromaniac that we don’t know about?

Jeanne says to everyone that they need to get rid of Tevin early.

JEANNE: We’ll keep it Mindanao Strong for the first two votes then get rid of him.

WERNER (confessional): Jeanne is handing out information to Annalize like it’s Sweeties.

Ah, is it Sweeties or the new breakfast cereal Swheaties? When you really want to rot your teeth permanently! Swheaties!

JEANNE: Toni needs to go too. She can’t be trusted.

WERNER: Jeanne might be voted for her comments.

*Jeanne will be idoled out for her comments. Fixed.

 

MINDANAO

NIGHT 16

Toni and Josie are in the new Mindanao camp. Josie is not thrilled to be switched but feels like a cat with nine lives. They mock Jeanne being open at Tribal Council. Meanwhile, Tevin gives back Toni’s hat. Ms. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 is thrrrrilled as Josie would say.

An intro with just the tribe names????

JOSIE: It’s adapt or die.

However, Josie’s position is far more precarious than having the time to enjoy being awarded her old hat.

 

MINDANAO

DAY 17

We wake up to the camera panning to a condom discarded by where Tevin and Josie slept in the shelter–nah, just kidding.

It’s Josie’s 28th birthday! Tevin hopes she celebrates it in her birthday suit–nah just kidding. Well, it really is her birthday.

Tevin walks up to PK while wearing a hat as PK is also wearing a hat. There is another hat hanging up in the shelter.

TEVIN: [Josie] is smart and pretty. She scares me. She could play us. Focus. Keep -this- head (pointing to the top of his body) on lock.

Man, if only Visayas lost and

TEVIN: I don’t like beautiful intelligent women. . .

Uh oh, this could be edited out of context.

TEVIN: . . .on this island.

Nice save!

TEVIN: Because she could use her looks against you and that’s my weakness. I could ignite the flame in her heart. And that is why anyone I consider beautiful has to leave as soon as possible.

Tevin watches Josie frolic in the water as PK mocks him.

PK (making random noises and circling his hips): BYAAAH! It’s about to happen.

Who does PK think he is? Trying to set the mood like Isley Brothers or Barry White?

Tevin is -really- hoping Bio-Strath is an aphrodisiac that is in full effect within the next three days!

And man, PK’s self-esteem must have plummeted if Tevin only wants to go with the two ugliest people to the end of this game!

Could you imagine Tevin winning immunity in the US’ version current Final Four format?

JEFF PROBST: OK, Tevin, you’ve won immunity. You will now pick the biggest Uggo to sit next to you at the end of this game.

(Camera cuts to a shot of TEVIN, MAN WITH FIVE ARMS AND AN EYEPATCH, WOMAN WITH DOUBLE UNIBROWS AND JAGGED TEETH, AND MAN WITH A NASTY SKIN RASH.)

TEVIN: Ummmmm. . .

(Camera cuts to a jury of models, gym rats, TV presenters, and an adorable poodle.)

TEVIN: This is getting a lot tougher.

So PK just needs to start clawing at his own face, maybe take out a tooth, and disfigure himself any way he can to solidfy a 39 day alliance with Tevin!

 

REWARD CHALLENGE #7

DAY 17

Visayas is trying to figure out what the heck happened. Tom is stunned. What doesn’t stun them is Tom quitting. He indicates Marthunis was more of a talker rather than a do-er.

For today’s challenge, they will need to move their entire tribe across a course using barrels, planks, and ropes while collecting bags of puzzle pieces along the way. They will then use the pieces to complete a puzzle correctly. First tribe to do so wins!

What’s for reward? Oven baked pizzas with REAL cheese OR beans.

JEANNE: Is that coffee?

Not coffee beans, Jeanne.

Everyone is disappointed by the beans. Winning tribe gets to pick between short term gratification and long term reward. If they are anything like the Kiwis, they’ll be choosing pizzas. Especially if Matt Chisholm’s personal favourite pepperoni is available.

Survivors Ready. . .Go! Three players have to balance on the barrels. They start by throwing a rope at the fourth tribe member who is on the other side. Nico sucks at explaining the challenge beforehand.

Werner, PK, and Vusi are the lone wolves on the other side hanging onto the ropes to keep it steady. Palesa falls backward off the barrel and has harsh whiplash. Jeanne is hilariously uncoordinated.

Josie is first to cross for Mindanao. Jeanne barely makes it for Luzon. Palesa is across. Quickly Mindanao has all three members are across. Katinka and Tom are the last two to get across for their respective tribes. It is a very close race.

Now they must use the barrels to build a bit of a bridge to collect the puzzle pieces. The planks help get across to the other barrels. It is identical to the Survivor NZ reward challenge from a couple weeks ago and Survivor: Nicaragua minus Tess’ concussion.

NICO: Katinka in Beast Mode for Luzon!

I don’t see Beast Mode Katinka catching on like Beast Mode Cowboy.

Mindanao is first across but Luzon and Visayas make it across the small course seconds later. No one has a significant lead. It is all about the puzzle.

Jeanne and Annalize are doing the puzzle for Luzon.

Palesa and Chane are doing the puzzle for Visayas. It doesn’t prevent Tom from trying to contribute orders to a puzzle even though it is long established that Tom is terrible at puzzles.

Tevin and Toni are doing the puzzle for Mindanao.

NICO: So many cooks at Visayas.

There’s only four cooks left. Do you know how much your restauarant would suck if you only have four cooks on staff?

Jeanne and Annalize want help from Katinka but she is offering very little.

Eventually Mindanao wins reward! Josie is between Tevin and PK as they hug her from each side. Toni is awkwardly left out.

Werner sounds like South African Ahnold as he coaches Jeanne and Annalize. They step back thinking the puzzle is finished. It is! Luzon wins reward!

Visayas slinks away from the puzzle board as if they couldn’t give less of a damn about pizza or beans.

Josie is assigned to pick which reward she wants because it is her birthday. She wants a pizza party! The ‘Za is all hers.

Luzon grabs beans. Nico kicks them out quickly. Visayas exits empty-handed.

 

MINDANAO

DAY 17

Toni (or is it Josie) is excited about using the napkins/serviettes as toilet paper. They are going to have tomato sauce all over themselves when they wipe. Hilarious.

Toni has a pizza game plan.

TONI: I am going to have two more tonight, five tomorrow, I am not eating my crust. I will save my crust for day three to use the crust to eat my broth with. . .we could have another reward and have three days without food.

I can’t even make a pizza last until the next day.

 

LUZON

DAY 17

Jeanne is unhappy with not having pizza. Her hair is a mess and looks like her cat died.

JEANNE: Nobody wants to eat beans when we have pizza as an option.

WERNER: Look at this! Chicken, beans, rice!

KATINKA: It’s the best meal since I’ve been on Survivor.

Who is the pessimist of these three, eh?

VISAYAS

DAY 17

Vusi is annoyed that Tom didn’t calm down at the challenge and kept barking orders. I am sure he knows that about Tom by now.

While Tom goes fishing, the other three

CHANE: He was barking ferociously. . .he was hulking it out.

Tom was giving his shouting abilities his entire 110% percent, in the words of Lou Ferrigno.

Chane tells Vusi and Palesa she wants to throw the immunity challenge.

VUSI (confessional): I find it distasteful. I am not that kind of person. Trust me, from the moment you get to the merge I am blatantly gunning for you.

Yeah, I can see Vusi licking his chops to put Tom out of the game at his next trip to Tribal Council.

The conversation continues as Vusi promises Chane that Tom will go home at merge.

Tom retrieves fish from the ocean. Palesa is happy Tom provides them with meals. Jeanne would probably prefer fish over beans.

Chane goes over to Tom to help him prepare the fish. We get cursing in two or three of South Africa’s official languages.

TOM: Leave the f–king thing! YOU’RE FIRED! And you call yourself a fish wife!

Chane says that Tom was trying to tell it like a joke. Yeah, a hilarious one where Chane and Palesa have now agreed to throw the challenge. I can’t wait for Tom’s stand-up comedy act with Trevor Noah this autumn.

 

LUZON

DAY 18

We see a cute little crab before Werner launches into a confessional.

WERNER: I am not that comfortable. . .I am sitting here with three women and not one is Toni. . .I am aware Annalize is playing me. “You’re such a gentleman!” “Wow, you’re a real man!” “Wow, you can actually bench press 300!”

OK, I made the last one up. At breakfast Annalize compliments Werner by saying they are doing well because they have a real man around.

Werner knows there could be two more trips to Tribal Council and he will decide who goes home. He is willing to entertain the thought of protecting Annalize and eliminating the other two players prior to merge.

 

MINDANAO

DAY 18

Tevin and PK have a private chat.

PK: Don’t you think we should think of something a bit different? Something that nobody is expecting. . .we’ve had this game plan for so long.

TEVIN: But we know how the Mindanao people think. The problem is we don’t know how the others think. Now if we get rid of our Mindanao people before the Luzon people then we have less control at that point. . .we don’t need people who are stronger than us. We need people we can use.

Tevin recaps his alliance with PK and Toni. The game is won with numbers. PK reluctantly agrees.

TEVIN: We have to be careful with Toni. . .she is close with Werner.

Tevin’s secret is his counter-attack is to keep PK close to him.

PK nods politely.

TEVIN (confessional): I am the creator of this alliance. I am the captain.

PK stares at the roof of the shelter while laying down before he launches into a confessional.

PK: Every single time I tell Tevin something, he wants to save it for later. Why does he need to put his priorities above mine? The game has been very very boring, and I feel things need to be more exciting.

Survivor South Africa season 6? Boring? Nobody has used those words together online! Who in their right mind would think this season is boring, PK?! We had a rock draw on day freakin’ 6! What do you want? Nico to run naked through camp accompanied by elephants, the Seattle Symphony, and the Dalai Lama doing the crab walk?

PK: Now it’s time I got in the driver’s seat and run my own show.

Oh boy.

PK talks to Ms. Jenny in the jungle. Toni tells PK she is bored by Tevin.

TONI: Werner and I got close, but he is not my number one.

PK: Tevin is boring me too. . .he is thinking about getting rid of you.

This seems to benefit Toni far more than PK.

TONI: I’ll tell you a big secret: Werner found another idol.

Toni says in a confessional that she saw PK was desperately looking for trust so she volunteers this information for PK at the cost of Werner’s trust. PK has his own confessional that he knows he can trust Toni now.

We see Toni telling Josie in the shelter about the New New Mindanao plan to eliminate Tevin.

Werner, Toni, and PK are all bored. When they’re the majority alliance, Survivor South Africa kicks up to a new level of chaos.

 

VISAYAS

DAY 18

Vusi and Palesa talk about how they can live without fish for a bit. Tom is alone rubbing his beard as he notes an unspoken shift in camp.

TOM: I’ve noticed a shift. . .I stick out a bit. Tall Cheese catches lots of wind.

What the hell??? I have never heard that before in my life.

Tom briefly interrogates Chane if she intends to eliminate the Englishman. She denies betrayal. It doesn’t matter as Tom tells us he knows he needs to win another immunity challenge.

 

TRIBAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE #8

DAY 18

Josie talks about the best birthday ever. Jeanne is happy to be eating. Tom likes the unity in Visayas (including the unity to eliminate him at next Tribal Council). Jeanne’s body is swaying.

Nico takes back the lone tribal immunity idol from Tom.

For today’s challenge, a tribe member will dive down to release a set of buoys. After all three sets are released, the rest of the tribe herds the buoys to shore. They will put all fifteen buoys on a rack.  Once that is done, they will shoot the buoys into a basket. Once ten buoys land in the basket they will win tribal immunity. Today second place rescues you from Tribal Council.

Survivors ready. . .Go!

Katinka, Tom, and Tevin all dive down into the water. Katinka is done with the first set. Werner jumps in next.

Tevin has the first set released. Tom is choking once again but eventually releases it.

Tevin keeps coming up for air as the second bundle is proving to be trouble. He eventually swims back to tag out.

Tom quickly releases the next two bundles. They have a significant lead.

Werner can’t get that second bundle released. Toni dives in.

NICO: Werner! You are losing everything you worked for!

I like Nico always talks to contestants using log lines from popular films.

Visayas is already on shore. One lousy buoy is missing.

NICO: You better get in and find it.

Nah, just chill on shore. It’ll drift eventually.

Toni can’t get that second bundle. Werner switches off with Katinka. She has the last two bundles up. Luzon starts collecting the buoys. Tom spots the final buoy underwater. We get really distorted audio from one of the female contestants.

Visayas can start shooting as Luzon is only knee-deep in the water. Toni is now trying to release the third set.

Vusi uses Granny Style throws to land the buoys. Three are in. Luzon can’t land anything. Vusi is up to four. Katinka has one. She is a star in this challenge.

Nico takes opportunities to yell at Mindanao to hustle. They’re definitely throwing it.

Kat gets up to three. Vusi has his fifth. Both cycle through all fifteen buoys.

Toni and Tevin switch. Tevin can’t release it either. Is he trying to throw it too to knock out the pretty people?

Vusi sticks with Granny Tosses while Katinka goes on a roll throwing it overhand. She has nine in the basket! Vusi has nine as well! One to go as it is slow motion! Both throw a buoy.

Kat gets it in! Vusi is in agony as his shot misses in slow motion. It will never not be funny to me. Seconds later Vusi has his final buoy. Challenge is over! Tevin is still in the water.

Kat and Vusi collect tribal immunity for their respective tribes. I never thought I would say this, but Katinka and Vusi are edited as the heroes in a segment of this season. So much for invisible edits. Vusi clearly followed through with his plan to not throw the challenge.

I think Vusi didn’t throw it because he knows Tom wouldn’t throw a challenge to eliminate his biggest enemy either. Tom is complicated but that is definitely a line he would draw in the sand.

 

MINDANAO

DAY 18

TEVIN: Josie, it’s our last pizza.

Minus the crust.

TEVIN (confessional): Tonight is simple. Josie will go home. If anything else happens. . .*shrugs* I don’t think anything else will happen, to be honest. So I think Josie will go home.

In a tribe of four, if the person you’re not voting for doesn’t go home then I think the only alternative possibility would be you, Tevin.

Tevin tells Toni and PK not to panic about anything. He casually takes a stroll into the jungle with PK.

Tevin tells PK he is scared that Tom and Chane are getting along with Vusi and Palesa. He views it as a 6-6 game now. Josie must go as Tevin is very sad about eliminating her.

PK (confessional): I feel this decision will change the whole outcome of the game, and it all comes to me.

It is very possible. . .but you could say that about any of the other blindsides that have occurred thus far.

While Tevin bathes (without Josie) in the ocean, PK chats with Josie and Toni in the shelter about how Tevin keeps blocking his moves.

PK: He thinks he is king of this game.

Or the Doctor–because he cures the pretty out of this game!

TEVIN: I know for a fact that Josie is gone because Blue Blood stays strong.

Yeah, there’s even a TV show called Blue Blood. . .or is it True Blood? Whose blood is true?

 

TRIBAL COUNCIL #7

(SEAMUS)-(NEIL)-(STACEY)-(ACE)-(PALESA)-(MATTHEW’S ANUS)

X

(JOSIE)-(PK)-(TEVIN)-(TONI)

Nico comments Josie has been spending as much time as Tribal Council as he is. Tevin jumps in to say it is bittersweet to vote out Josie. PK doesn’t want to be at Tribal Council.

PK: The vote tonight will be affected in a large way. . .I myself am hoping for something. I want the game to evolve. I hope things will get different around here. I am getting quite bored.

(TONI scowls.)

TEVIN: I honestly do believe there is time to make a huge statement. Just wait a little more to make a huge statement and be able to make it to the top three.

Toni starts crying because this is the first time she has connected with a woman in this game–she likes Josie.

TONI: It’s nice to have a girlfriend in this game. To say goodbye to that is very hard for me.

And even harder for Tevin.

Tevin is biting his lip and is deep in contemplation. He has switched from being empathetic to being sympathetic in terms of going from viewer to contestant. He talks about loving the game and loving every season.

PK says this is the toughest day he has ever had.

PK: I am very confused right now. My head is still bundled up. It’s real.

Tevin responds to it by talking about pinching salt and trusting people. . .or pinching people and trusting salt. I don’t know. It’s a lot of talking.

PK (to TONI and JOSIE): Guys, what are we doing? What are we doing?

You’re talking to two out of three people. What name do you expect them to give you?!

Tevin is scared if PK is getting too emotionally attached to the situation. He is worried PK may flip. He senses confusion in Young Skywalker.

Nico wants to vote.

TEVIN votes JOSIE.

All other votes remain a secret.

Perhaps Toni and PK’s hearts shall flip again before the vote.

Tevin plays his idol! Nah, last time I screw with ya. Let’s read the votes.

FIRST VOTE: JOSIE

SECOND VOTE: TEVIN

THIRD VOTE:

.

.

.

(Tevin)

Tevin wipes the sweat off of his brow like Jully Black.

FINAL VOTE: (TEVIN [sorry!])

TEVIN: Beautiful moment.

NICO: The tribe has spoken.

TEVIN: The tribe has spoken.

Jinx! Nico owes Tevin a coke! Or a Bio-Strath!

Tevin walks down the infamous aforementioned corridor.

Nico says he saw a big move made tonight. If this were the card game Hearts, hearts can now be played at any time. No one is safe.

Next Time on Survivor SA: Lots of floundering and vomiting.

***

Tevin brags about being outed as the most strategic threat and that they made a good move eliminating him from the game. Regardless of the fact we have a player who has many alliances and two idols in his pocket.

***

Today was our first experience of having three tribes with five or fewer members be stuck for this long of duration during the game. We hit days 17 and 18 and staying the course has made all three tribes bored.

Visayas: Eager to throw a challenge to eliminate Tom. Chane has turned against him as of four days ago. The only reason Tom is saved is because Vusi tried his darndest to win immunity.

Luzon: Werner is becoming paranoid of Jeanne and Katinka so much that he may keep the one player other than Tom who bleeds red blood to the end. All out of boredom and over-thinking things. Jeanne wants former Mindanao gone at merge.

Mindanao: PK turns against his most loyal number. Toni gives up valuable intel about her partner Werner. PK and Toni use Josie to eliminate the one guy in the game who bleeds blue.

You would think four-person tribes would produce extremely predictable scenarios and a never-ending supply of lethargic footage, but this cast is confrontational and fluid enough that editors had nearly too much footage to work with over the three days.

Yes, they pretty much announced Tevin was going home after about five minutes into the episode, but showing the personal agony PK was going through and how it was all executed on a day-to-day basis was entertaining to watch. We also witnessed Vusi’s own ethical dilemmas, Tom’s social ineptitude increasing (funny how he mocks Marthunis for all talk and no action given his reward challenge performance), and all four players on Luzon not knowing what the hell to do.

I wonder if protein-filled beans rather than carbo loading on pizza would have helped Mindanao in the immunity challenge. Nico made it clear that the beans were a long term benefit!

***

You know what’s awesome? We are going to have ANOTHER episode with three tribes! Eleven people split between three tribes 4-4-3. Can enough time pass for Vusi to want to align with Tom because anything seems possible on Visayas? Does Josie have a shot in hell at surviving the next Tribal Council and do the unthinkable by breaking apart Toni and PK? Will Werner’s head explode with paranoia and confusion as he somehow goes home with two idols in his pocket? How much will Chane vomit? How much more will boredom, lack of food, and lack of sleep affect these tiny tribes?

Survivor: South Africa is creating a unique experiment for a group of impatient, aggressive, and paranoid group of players as they drag them through these tiny campsites with limited social interactions.

P.S. Will talk of blue blood and red blood finally be over? Tevin’s elimination will cue the other two tribes that it is acceptable to turn against their own.

P.P.S. Are PK, Toni, and Werner the alliance to watch at merge? And will they bring Annalize and Josie into the fold? Will Palesa and Vusi be bright enough to stay loyal to Tom at a merge if they sense they will be in trouble long term? It is proven this is a confrontational and aggressive group, but definitely not a stupid group. This is going to be a chaotic mess.

P.P.P.S. Tevin decided to stop taking his Bio-Strath on day 18–instead he switched to one of their cheap competitors and missed out on the proper nutrients to help his brain keep thinking clearly. So tragic. 🙁

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