Survivor NZ: Thailand

Survivor NZ: Thailand — “The Wild Wild John West”

Logan Saunders recaps episode 9 of Survivor NZ: Thailand ahead of episode 9.


Previously on Survivor NZ: After 23 days, the old Chani and Khangkhaw tribes merged to form Phsan. Old alliances were reunited but old friendships remained under wraps. Dave put his trust in old school friend Matt and kept his hidden immunity idol in his Tribal Council. With odds stacked against old Chani, Renee jumped ship and Arun was blindsided.

Nine are left; how many slices of pepperoni pizza will Chisholm eat tonight?




Dave is bummed that his best bud is out of the game. He says there are no hard feelings on his part. Lisa wasn’t as okay with seeing her name pop up as she thought she would be.

RENEE: I think my game just upped. . .I made the biggest move in Survivor yet.

It was already a 7-2 vote before you flopped, Renee. Whaaaat a big move.

Adam privately claims responsibility for eliminating Arun tonight.

ADAM: I did have a bit of vengeance in me. . .everyone underestimates me. No one realizes I can get rid of people.

Somebody may or may not be on a power trip. Who else is shocked that Adam acted upon vengeance in order to eliminate someone from the game?

Hey, a full intro.












DAY 25


Renee asks how many pieces of toast they would eat for breakfast if they could. Eventually Tess reveals she would eat toast with tin salmon. That sounds disgusting.

Dave feels isolated and lonely at camp. Everyone is refusing to talk strategy with him.

ADAM: I want Dave to be next. He is definitely next on my list.

Vengeance continues.

Matt wants to do his best to keep his old school buddy.

Tess and Brad agree to split the vote between Eve and Dave at the next Tribal Council. The conversation switches to who should be in the endgame with them.

BRAD (confessional): I need to be at the end with a couple people I can beat come vote time.

Better than Tevin’s strategy of only wanting to take ugly people to the end.

Matt is nearby eavesdropping on the conversation. He hears them saying that Matt can’t go to the end with them because he is too lovable. The Final Three will be them and Adam.

TESS: Matt is your biggest threat.

BRAD: Matt is everyone’s biggest threat.

He was even the biggest threat to Arun and Dave’s bromance. A threat all around!

BRAD: I love Matt to bits and I trust him completely. . .(they see MATT and start biting nails.)

(MATT walks over.)

TESS: . . .

BRAD: Eve or Dave?

Tess is looking down so much while talking to Matt. It is extremely awkward. Matt notes how close Tess and Brad have become since the switch and that they have their own alliance within an alliance.

We shift to later on in the day as Renee teaches Adam how to do Brad’s hair.

TESS: I love hanging out with Renee! She is a bright sparkle around camp! She is such a cool chick to hang out with.

In other words, Renee is killing it with her social game to enter the Khangkhaw Kore. That is how it’s done.

Renee compliments Adam’s hairdressing abilities with Brad. This is all a ploy to butter up Adam.

We have another confessional from Adam about how he loves working with Renee too.

Eve is massacreing Matt’s hair as Dave accepts his position is terrible.

RENEE: I need Dave gone because he doesn’t trust me. . .and he’s gunning for me.

Is he?



Tess wants food. Like more chocolate bars. She is always hungry. Jesus.

TESS: I hope it’s food. Something substantial.

Food is on her mind more than strategy.

Dave enters the challenge with rope as fake dreadlocks.

CHISHOLM: Dave Marley!

Yes, the secret eighth son of Bob.

Eve is asked about the Chani numbers. Bland answer is provided.

For today’s challenge, they’ll race out to retrieve sandbags then throw the sandbags into a series of targets. First person to land a bag in all five targets wins reward.


TESS: I was just telling the guys that my favourite breakfast in the world is tin salmon on toast. It’s my favourite! I would take it over anything!

Tess would marry John West!

So here we go: The reward challenge which has only been won by old people–71 year old Joe Campos from Kaoh Rong and Barb from the previous season of NZ.

The first bag of fifteen sandbags is untied.




EVE: 1

Our score after round one.




EVE: 3


Dave misses his final sandbag.

No one was allowed to throw more sandbags until everyone had finished through their set of fifteen.

Adam, Brad, and Dave are all at four and–


The Old People Streak is over.

CHISHOLM: Another fascinating challenge today.

Was it? It took like ten minutes to do from start to finish.

Brad has to choose one person to share his reward with.

BRAD: Only one?

CHISHOLM: Only one.

Don’t out your Final Three ally.

Brad picks Dave because he was runner-up. Good sportsmanship granted paranoia will be stirred from that decision.

CHISHOLM: I’ll let you choose another.

BRAD: This is not a good position to be in.




BRAD: Tess.

He was doing so well.

CHISHOLM: Pick one more.

TESS: I felt so bad for Brad–that’s a terrible position in.

BRAD (confessional): I feel like I’m in the SPCA and have to choose a puppy from a group of puppies.




BRAD: Matt.

He recovers. Lisa encourages Brad’s decision.

Adam agrees with Brad picking Dave even though he wouldn’t have done so. His only concern is if an idol is up for grabs on the reward. He has no idea Dave already has one.



DAY 25

Brad, Dave, Tess, and Matt are at the Outpost area where so much John West is spread out on a blanket.

BRAD: I’m gonna smash this tuna.

He’s gonna smash John West!

Matt orgasms as the mayo is all over his beard.

Tess talks about how delicious the tuna melt is. Matt has confessionals about it too.

MATT: It was next level.

John West’s sponsour plug is money well spent.

DAVE: I eat tuna like all of the time.

Who doesn’t eat tuna all of the time? Logan Saunders. I have never had tuna, actually. I don’t really know anybody who eats tuna as much as these Kiwis.

Dave offers up his pitch to the other three.

DAVE: Even if I am the last Chani standing I will be happy with that.

Bollocks. No one is gonna buy that.

DAVE: I want Renee gone because she betrayed my trust.

Chanis are against each other. Oh my.

Brad stares at the ground, Tess rolls her eyes, and Matt sleeps throughout the majority of Dave’s ongoing pitch.

BRAD: He kept going on and on and it was getting tedious.

DAVE: I think this chat has helped my game in some way.

I think Dave is just as screwed as before.

The pitch keeps going. This is painful.

TESS: I am a good listener. . .I’m not interested, but big ups to him for fighting!

Participation ribbon for Dave.



DAY 25

Adam entertains the others by pretending he is being attacked by a shark in the water. I wonder if it would be like crying wolf if he does get attacked by an actual wild Thai shark.

Adam will punch Dave in the face if he complains about being sick from eating too much food. Apparently Dave has had a stroke in his impression too.

The others ask Brad about eating nine cans of tuna and twenty-five cheese slices.

Brad apologizes to the group for not being able to take them. Adam mocks Brad’s apology and Dave standing like a dick clutching his stomach.

ADAM: Dave isn’t saying anything. You guys are pathetic. Just tell us you enjoyed it. Don’t try to act sad. You’re not sad because individually they all told me it was amazing.

If we can appreciate one thing about Adam is that he has absolutely no patience for unnecessary bulls–t.

Matt and Dave talk privately. He quietly warns Dave to not talk to Tess and Brad too much. Eventually Dave lets in Matt on his idol secret.

DAVE: I needed to tell Matt about the idol because I have no idea what conversations Khangkhaw are having.

True, Dave has absolutely no information coming his way and needs to take some sort of risk at this point. Hell, things could change and he may not even have to use his idol.

Matt tells Dave that he wants to eliminate Brad if he doesn’t win the talisman today.


Dave tells Chisholm that he is fighting for his life in this challenge. Eve thinks she is as well.

CHISHOLM: You could argue all of you are fighting for your life tonight. . .anything could happen at Tribal Council tonight.

Why, Tara could even go home tonight. We haven’t had more than three confessionals from her all season, but still.

For today’s challenge, they’ll stretch their arms out and use their fingertips to press against two wooden discs. Hanging from the discs are a wooden pots. Last person to keep their wooden discs pressed wins immunity.

This means both challenges this week are taken directly from Survivor: Kaoh Rong. We rip into it.

The challenge commences deep in the jungle. Bugs are abuzzing.

CHISHOLM: The bugs are already starting to annoy Adam.

Somehow the bugs are less annoying than Brad and Dave returning from a reward.


Tara is blowing on the bugs. Nobody has been eliminated yet.  Chisholm comments everyone is sweaty. Tess is balancing on one leg for some reason.

ADAM: I’m gonna be out. I’m dying.

(TESS excessively laughs.)

It wasn’t -that- funny.

Dave is first out of the challenge. Adam laughs. Now that’s funny.

Adam voluntarily drops out.


The bugs seem to be more painful than the challenge itself. I think a bunch o’ Kiwis are about to fall.

Lisa slips. She’s out. Tess is eliminated next. For some reason Tess is applauded but not Lisa.


Chisholm is enforcing a rule change: They must balance on one foot for the remainder of the challenge. Ask Tom how that rule change went in the final immunity challenge.

Matt flicks his shoe off when he lifts his leg.

Brad puts everything into keeping his pinky-less disc up. He goes down. Then Tara. Then Renee.

It’s down to Eve and Matt. On one freakin’ leg.


Matt loses his discs then pretends to collapse. Eve made this challenge look easy. Matt is full on Coach Wade Mode on the ground.

MATT: I couldn’t even catch my fall.

DAVE: I really wanted to win today. . .I was just terrible.

Sounds like Dave in almost any challenge. Remember the whole gym muscles theory?

Renee is worried because Khangkhaw told her that the vote split was between Dave and Eve with Dave going home. Now she’s worried.



DAY 27

Brad, Tara, Lisa, Tess, and Adam have a chat. Brad wants to find out who Brad and Eve are going to vote against. He wants to put five votes on Dave and two on Renee.

BRAD: I have a pretty solid group but things could change pretty quickly in the game. Things seem to go pretty smoothly and we’re all on the same page.


Brad and Dave have a chat in the jungle. He tells him he is not putting his name down tonight. I don’t know why but Brad is flexing his pecs during the whole conversation.

Tess tells Renee to not panic if she hears her name come up.

TESS: Would Dave or Eve have an idol?

RENEE: No way. Dave would’ve played it last Tribal.

You were doing so well, Renee.

Matt, Adam, and Lisa talk. They discuss Brad’s position in the game and how he feels about Renee. They don’t agree with throwing Renee under the bus for the vote split.

ADAM: Can we just not put Renee down?

MATT: He won’t listen, man.

. . .

MATT: Would you put Brad’s name down?

Now we have a game.

We go to commercial and resume.

MATT: Would you put Brad’s name down?

We go to commercial again and resume.

MATT: Would you put Brad’s name down?

This is getting ridiculous.

Matt asks Adam if Tess would forgive them.  Adam doesn’t know.

They think Dave and Eve would vote against Brad next round.

LISA: Would he play his idol?

MATT: Who? Brad?

If only Lisa understood the subtext of Matt’s response.

Adam contemplates ratting out the plan to Brad to force the idol to be played and guarantee Dave goes home.

MATT: Would you be upset if I put Brad’s name down?

ADAM: Ummm, I don’t know if I’m one hundred percent on that plan. . .I don’t want you to put Brad’s name down and have it not work.

MATT (confessional): If this move does go through it’ll be the biggest move thus far.

I thought Renee voting against Arun in a 8-2 vote was the biggest move thus far. :/

Dave finds Matt sitting alone by the water later on that afternoon.

DAVE: I am sh–ting my pants heading into Tribal tonight.

From eating too much at the feast?

Matt asks Dave to trust him that Brad won’t play his idol and that the tide is turning against Brad.







We reflect on Eve doing surprisingly well in a challenge.

Renee has been told she will be getting votes tonight. Arun is grinning the whole time while watching this TC unfold.

The rest of the conversation is about #BigMovez, what the jury wants, what the jury needs, and various players talking about feeling vulnerable.

CHISHOLM: In the past you’ve talked about a softly softly approach. You sticking with it?

TARA: Sticking with my pace like on a run. . .unless a kangaroo jumps out at me.

CHISHOLM: What happens if the kangaroo jumps out, Tara? I can’t wait for that.

Dave says his connection with Arun was like having a brother. We cut to a shot of a disappointed Matt listening to this.

Eve is keeping immunity.

It’s time to vote.

RENEE votes DAVE. (“You should have never broken our alliance.)


MATT votes BRAD. (“Don’t make it so obvious who you are going to take to the end.”)

The rest of the votes are anonymous.

CHISHOLM: If anybody has a hidden immunity idol and would like to play it, now would be the time to do so?




Nope. Not even Dave.



Tess is concerned. Dave is protecting his nose.


Tess starts smiling.


Brad’s mouth twitches.


Dave has his eyes closed.


Matt is protecting his grin.


3-3-1. Two votes left.


Renee and Tess are very surprised.


RENEE: I did not see that coming.

So mcuh for me thinking Renee was in the perfect position.

TESS: What just happened?

Well. . .

BRAD: Well played.

TESS: Brad, I had no idea.

CHISHOLM: Tess just asked ‘what happened?’ I think a few of you have the same question.

RENEE: What the f–k?

ADAM (to TARA): Once we get to camp, let’s f–k off. We can talk, we need to talk.

RENEE: I didn’t see that coming.

Next Time on Survivor NZ: Brad’s blindside leaves Tess fighting for her life int he game while Matt maneuvers himself into the power seat, but his moves haven’t gone unnoticed.


Brad says he didn’t see it coming. At all. I guess if he did he would have played his idol.


Out of all of the rounds in the game thus far, Matt and Dave’s real life relationship impacted this round the most out of all of them. Not only was Dave protected thanks to Matt turning the tide in this game, but Dave could trust Matt enough to not bother playing his own idol. Dave now has the only idol in the game.

Renee blurring the lines between Khangkhaw and Chani definitely worked last round to trigger a major shakeup within the game. However, the shakeup became so unpredictable that Renee herself is on the outside of the new majority that was formed. Thankfully I see the new majority as being temporary rather than as a long term alliance.

Keep in mind that Adam likes Tess a heckuva lot more than he likes Brad, Tara and Lisa appear to be some sort of tight unit (granted we haven’t seen a conversation with just the two of them all game), and Renee and Eve are floating around on their own. Matt is in the middle of all of this too with Dave at his mercy. No one else truly wants to work with Dave–not even his own former Chani folks.


Next round will likely see somebody completely random go home. I can’t see Matt being able to hold off on everyone voting against Dave once again, and he’ll have no choice but to tip off Dave to use his idol. I don’t know what name those two guys will write down, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Renee go home just because of one or two votes being put down against her.

After that Dave is pretty much screwed, and then the real chaos of destruction and unpredictability should begin.

Right now Adam appears to be in the best position of everyone left in the game. His social game was front and centre this episode as we saw him simultaneously charm, deceive, mock, and earn the trust of everyone left in the game. Now that takes talent. The pre-game botox injections may actually be paying off.

P.S. All John West products looks absolutely wretched. Who the hell eats tin salmon on toast for breakfast? That makes me want to vomit worse than Adam in episode two.

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