Survivor: Cambodia

Survivor Generations

Welcome back everybody. Last time we left our little survivors, we watched Jeff V and Woo pleading for their Survivor lives, with Jeff V getting the boot. I guess it came down to Jeff V seeming less trustworthy than Woo “The Weasel”. This time around, the young generation won out against the old school generation. Is it hard for these older players to adapt to this new game? I mean, I expect Terry at some point to just turn into Michael Douglas in Falling Down:

I expect him at the next reward challenge to pull a gun out of nowhere and freak out about the prize options. It has to be hard for these older players to go from the game evolving from an actual game of survival and working together to what it is now, where the social game starts from second one. Backstabbing and strategizing all happens right away. I would imagine being one of the older returning players must feel like Michael J. Fox going back to the alternate 1985 and finding Biffland instead of the Hill Valley that they remembered:

I mean, it looks like the same Survivor, but it’s off. It’s different than before. I guess if you agree with me, then you would have to say that the new generation of returning players are at a big advantage in the game, but I guess it really hasn’t played out that way as it’s been pretty much two new generation players voted out and two old generation players voted out. The people in the best spots in the game are all new generation players (with new generation players starting from, let’s say, 2008). It must be hard for players like Kelly Wig, Terry and Savage to come back to such a different game. In some ways, it feels as if they are just floating with the current that they can’t stop or make slow down. I guess that’s what makes their journeys back into the game more enjoyable to watch, because they have to adapt. They’re the ones that have the most cultural shock in this new Survivor landscape.

To me, though, it seems like the older generation players are the most grounded players mentally, no? It seems like they are the ones that are comforting the camp pariahs like the Abis of the world. They seem to be the ones that are trying to play the most morally sound game, if you believe there are such things in Survivor. I find myself rooting for the Savages of the world this time around. I think their arcs are more dramatic than say a Joe who just played the game last season. I mean, for selfish reasons I have to root for Spencer, because I picked him to win the game and I’ve been so awful at picking winners lately that I emotionally need Spencer to at least make it to top 7. Spencer aside, I find myself rooting for the older generation players.

It leads us into tonight, where we are in the third week of the yellow tribe and their slow demolition. Will they continue with this tonight or will they throw another wrinkle in to avoid the yellows going to Tribal for the third time in a row? I guess they could do an Immunity Challenge that is completely random and arbitrary like a roulette game or something? Or maybe they can get 1980 Bruce Jenner with Carl Lewis and the best puzzle finisher in the world as “guest stars” for the episode that somehow all end up on the yellow team for one competition to help them win one of these? I don’t think anybody would be against this, really. Let’s buckle up and see where this goes. It’s 8 pm Portland, Oregon time!

8 pm

Previously on Survivor:  We get a recap of the previous week’s events. Is it surprising looking back that Savage and Tasha became the de facto leaders of the mellow yellows? Let’s just say I find their alliance unstable and leave it at that.


We start tonight with Woo giving the token weekly “I barely survived Tribal tonight, but I’m super-psyched with all of you and I promise to be a better human being” speech. I love this– you either get the person that acts overly grateful that they didn’t get voted out, or you get the bitter, hostile person that lashes out and vows revenge…I personally prefer the latter.

Woo shares that they “now have a strong team”. I agree if “by strong team,” he means “a completely inept, hopeless team, praying for the merge to happen,”then yes, they have a “strong team”.


Abi shares her thought process on keeping Woo over Jeff V. It’s always nice to hear the thought process of a literally crazy person. In fact, I would subscribe to a channel that only showed Survivor from Abi’s point of view; like, we get her explaining to us all her thoughts and strategies for the game. I would easily pay $9.99 a month for this feature.


Savage and Tasha connect about how far they have come as a pair. Like I said before, they somehow have gone from the outhouse to the penthouse on the yellows. Granted, leading the yellows right now is like being a fully fuctional adult playing seven-year-olds in Monopoly…but still, good for them.


We join the Bayons on a fishing team-building exercise. I think they should do trust-falls next, as you can feel the bonding and love from here.

Monica is embracing her role as “hunter” on the team. I’m not saying her fellow tribemates should be nervous, but if Monica starts building up alliances, Stephen should not be calling meetings with the conch:


A second later, we get Monica and Kimmi arguing about depleting the ocean of clams? Monica wants to leave some clams for the ocean. I bet she was the girl in school when you were at the water fountain getting a drink that would stand behind you and say, “Hey, save some water for the fish”….I hated that person. Monica is hot, so she could probably get away with it and rightfully so, as hotness outweighs being a douche.

Kimmi is venting about Monica’s pro-clam life stance. We get to see a little cray cray from Kimmi, something that we really haven’t seen much of yet this season due to Abi out crazying her, but Kimmi probably has noticed this and is like: “Oh, you think Abi is the only crazy person this season? Well, I got something for you then. Watch me blow up my game over clams….Let’s see Abi top that.” Little does she know that Abi can take crazy to the next, next, next level.


Commercial break: I made a Back to the Future reference earlier tonight and I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that today is the day that Marty and Doc go to the future:

Is it really weird that maybe kids ten years from now are going to watch this movie and look at it the same way my generation looks at futuristic movies from the 1950’s?  It’s sad.  I would have bet money back in 1989 that there would be hoverboards by 2015. I also think Marty must have gone back to the future and really f**ked up something because the Cubs just lost and their season is over…I expect Marty to hold a photo of the Cubs winning The World Series to disappear like his brother and sister did in the first movie. With that said, can we agree that they should never remake Back to the Future…ever? I can just imagine Zach Efron in the Marty role, and quite frankly, we can’t let that happen.


Back from commercial and it’s time for the reward challenge. Everybody sees that Jeff V was voted out, and Kass is the only one to really sell the “I’m shocked” face. I guess people this season just don’t have it in them to showcase their acting chops.


This week’s reward challenge game is basically skeeball with barrel rolling. You know… your basic competition.


Naturally Keith does the rolling for the Ta Keos. I mean, it’s not that hard to imagine Keith smoothly rolling a bowling ball down the lane with a Winston Light hanging out of his mouth and a Budweiser waiting for him back home.  He picks up 1st place for Ta Keo. Was there any doubt this would be the comp for Keith to shine?

Woo pulls out 2nd place for the Yellows…so they win a tarp and a rope…..

Bayon comes in 3rd , and since in America everybody has to be a winner, they win a participation trophy.


Commercial break: I’m going to take this moment to tell you again that if you’re looking for the best drama on TV right now, it’s Fargo. The first two episodes this season have been so very good. I literally will stake my reputation on it that you will get addicted to that show. So stop watching Code Black, or Blue Bloods and go watch Fargo. Every single frame and every single actor is incredible and I don’t usually geek out this hard, but I’m telling you this show is that good. You will thank me… I promise.


Back from commercial, we join the Ta Keos as they enjoy their prize from the reward challenge, thanks to Keith’s “athleticism”. Terry tells us how great life is a their camp. They have food, they have a ritzy living arrangement now…What could possibly go wrong?…Cut to a shot of Ben Linus and the Others scouting their camp from afar with a plan to kidnap the women and children.

Keith, Joe, Ciera, Kass and Kelley Went talk about the plan when the merge comes. Joe shares his paranoia with his group about being targeted first when the merge happens. Everybody assures him that he is fine and that Terry will be the one who will get the prisonyard shank. They talk about how they will take everybody out…I think this is the plan they came up with:


We join the Bayons as Spencer talks about feeling sad for not winning food at the challenge, but that the team is staying strong. Spencer shares that he is fully all-in with Jeremy.

We get a long monologue from Spencer about how he has never been a “man’s man” when it came to hunting for food. We get inspirational music as Spencer fishes…I guess they really were looking for time-fillers this episode.


we are back with the Yellows as they celebrate their 2nd place finish at the reward challenge. Woo shares a story about his mother’s health issues which makes it impossible for me to make fun of him in this moment…Somebody please change the subject.


Thank you, Abi! Abi inexplicably questions how Woo could possibly get sympathy for his mother having a massive heart attack. Let’s just say that Abi was a little put off by Woo’s trying to play the sympathy card. Abi goes to Tasha to vent about this and Tasha has a look of confusion, bewilderment, also mixed in with one of those fake smile looks that really means: “ I have to pretend I agree with this person, but my god, what the eff is the girl talking about?!”.


Tasha shares the stress of trying to manage Abi in this game. Abi is a wild card, but that word isn’t strong enough…I said it before, but Savage and Tasha must really feel like they are in an alliance with Gollum. I mean, would it really shock anybody if the cameras caught Abi talking to herself in the water?


Commercial break: Just in case you’re the one person who missed it, here’s the trailer for the new Star Wars movie:

Let’s face it… This is going to be the biggest movie premiere of all time. The only thing that is a little jarring is seeing Carrie Fisher again…Not to be a dick, but she just looks out of place and all frumpy. I can’t imagine any phone ever being picked up faster than Carrie Fisher’s when they called her to be in the movie. I wonder if she tried to play it cool at first…“No, I haven’t been relevant in 30 years, but I’m not sure I will be available to do the movie…” Harrison Ford,  I have my eye on you, too… Your constantly looking and acting stoned thing that you’ve been giving us since 1998 makes me a little nervous about you getting your Hans Solo swag back.  I just trust J.J. Abrams and I don’t think he could mess this up…(sweating as I type that nervously).


We are back from commercial and it’s time for the Immunity Challenge. Looking at this competiton which involves running, climbing and slingshotting beanbags into targets, I’m going to say that the Yellows are screwed. Well, I guess since everybody has to take a turn that maybe they have a chance…but I would still lean towards them ending back up at Tribal again tonight.


Somehow Stephen is so bad and unathletic that he scored a point for the Yellows. Everybody stops the game for a second to blankly stare at him in awe.


Wow…I eat my words as the Yellows win the comp! I mean, granted Stephen helped, but my lord, did they need this win. I expected Al Michaels to come out and scream: “Do you believe in miracles?”


Once again Keith “The Closer” comes in to salvage the Ta Keos and they get 2nd place. The Bayons will be heading to Tribal Council.

Spencer takes us to commercial saying that it will either be him or Kelly Wigle going home tonight. I can’t lose you, Spencer…not this early in the game…All the others writers on this site will hate me and think I’m a loser.


Commercial break: I need some advice. I really think I could be a six-figures a year writer if I could be allowed to only write about online dating: the unintentional comedy that happens, the dynamics that go on. It really is the strangest thing in the world and I bet all of you that are older or married just have no clue how crazy it really is on those sites. I mean, really like I have said, online dating sites are basically thrift shops…mostly used junk, but maybe a hidden gem if you’re lucky. Besides those lucky times when you might find a cool person, basically if you’re a guy you spend all your time trying to decipher if that woman is really ugly, but she’s filtering it up and only posing with half her face. Sometimes you feel a little frisky and you exchange phone numbers.

Once the texting one another goes on for a while,  you maybe share a current photo of one another, but the tough part is that once you do that and it turns out that she is really scary looking, you are left with deciding if you want to just flat out be shallow and never respond to her again…Or do you do the cutting down of messages and play the “Oh, I’ve been so busy at work that I haven’t had time to text you..” card and then pray that she gets annoyed enough to move on? Trust me, that happens sooo, sooo much. I feel like it should be a law that on online dating sites you can’t use your 1997 senior high glamour shot as your photo. Not to be shallow, and I’m sure guys do this sort of thing too, but come on..I mean, sometimes I feel like Columbo trying to piece together the true identity of the person I’m talking to on there.


Here we go, back from commercial  and pretty much everybody there is telling us it’s either Kelly Wig or Spencer. Monica, Stephen and Jeremy take a straw vote and decide that Kelly Wig is going…This can’t be the final word on the subject….


Monica, of course, wants to throw a curveball and do a girls’ alliance. I’m so annoyed by this. I need to take some space for a few minutes.


Kimmi is over Monica and tells Stephen that “she is a snake in the grass”.

Kimmi throws Monica under the bus to Jeremy next. She advocates to throw Monica off the island, and quite frankly on pure principle, she should go for suggesting an all-girls alliance.


Stephen isn’t sure that voting off Monica is a good idea and thinks that it would be a bad “look” for Bayon. Really dude, it’s not like the Bayons have been around for century after century and there’s a legacy and a tradition to think about here. I mean, this team was thrown together ten days ago and can arbitrarily switch at any time, so shut up, Stephen. You heard Monica. She suggested an all-girls alliance. She has to go..Now grab your balls out of your purse and let’s go.


We go to Tribal Council and who knows where the hell we are headed with this vote.

We get a healthy discussion about new-school Survivor vs old-school Survivor, with Spencer and Kelly Wig as the two metaphors for that thought.

A Monica blindside would be pretty epic, I must say. Does Monica give the kiss of death when she says the vote is “locked in”? I think Kelly Wig is going home, but I feel like the cameras really haven’t showed her at all tonight, so you would think that if it was her, they would have had her sharing more with us…..


Everybody goes to vote….I want to say Monica…but I think Kelly…or I’m not sure!!!!!!!!


We go to the votes:






Fifth person voted out of Survivor: Second Chance…Monica!


Shocking, but again on pure principle, if you suggest an all-girls alliance in Survivor, you should be voted out on the spot. Tough to see the hottest person in the cast go, but she got what she deserved.


Wow! What a finish to the night! Monica leaves….Got to give credit to Kimmi for this one. If the edit of this episode is completely accurate, then it really was Kimmi that orchestrated Monica’s demise. Kimmi should play possum now for the rest of the season and try to get “brought” to the finish. Then, she can tell the jury about the move that she made tonight. Okay, I’m overstating it, because for one, Monica handed this move to Kimmi on a silver platter…all-girls alliance???? Really, Monica?

Who knows how the rest of the season is going to play out  and next week it looks like we might get a medical discharge that will throw another curveball into this season, which makes it hard to predict if you don’t want to sound like a schmuck. All I know is that Spencer is still alive and that means that my pick to win this season is still alive, which means I am the greatest Survivor-picker guy…man…dude…..of all time.

Thank you for reading. Let me know who your top three players are this week.

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