Big BrotherBig Brother 14

Baker’s Dozen: Are Franks Days Numbered on Big Brother?

Andy BakerThe following is a guest post from Rob Has a Website Contributor, Andy Baker

With benevolent despot Rob C. fleeing the country to avoid prosecution (that’s my theory, anyway), this is the last serving of BD until a week from Monday… beware, though, because this week’s recipe contains SPOILERS!

1) It’s amazing how one conversation can unravel a player’s entire game, isn’t it? If Wil had been able to tell Boogie and Frank what they needed to hear, he might still be in the house. It can’t be THAT hard to say, “If you keep me safe this week, and then I win HoH, I won’t put either of you up on the block, AND I’ll nominate whomever you want.” I wasn’t all that fond of Wil at the beginning of the game – my preseason prediction said that he’d leave early – but his ability to read people won me over. Sadly, humility – even the feigned kind – isn’t Wil’s thing, and in a game that rewards disingenuous genuflectors, Wil wasn’t going to be able to navigate his way to the final two (his naughty nautical outfit notwithstanding). Sorry to see you go, Wil – I was a fan. (And that’s something I NEVER thought I’d write heading into the season).

2) Let’s take a look at the HoH history, shall we? Shane, Frank, Danielle, Frank, Shane. BORING. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of the former Coaches throwing competitions because they know they can influence HoH decisions while still being able to vote. And I’m frustrated by the newbies emulating that sort of passive gameplay. Hey, BB producers! If you know your show is formulaic, and that the formula is boring, don’t you think you it’s time to change the freaking formula? If you’re tired of houseguests throwing competitions, how about this: The last player to fill his or her gumball machine container in the HoH competition GETS EVICTED. You quit, you die. KABOOOOOOM! BB is now 43% better.

3) I find it fascinating that Boogie has shaped a player persona that allows him to be greedy without earning any enmity from the other houseguests. In seasons past, anyone who won $10k would be targeted immediately, but not Boogie… to the other houseguests, that’s just Boogie being Boogie. Amazing.

4) Is there some compelling reason Jeff Schroeder needed to be on my TV screen last night? I mean, did he add ANYTHING? Begone, oh two-time evictee! Return to the .com exile from whence you came!

5) Gotta love Dan telling Britney and Danielle that an HoH win “isn’t in the foreseeable future.” Ummmm, isn’t that the same noncommittal wording from Ian that made Britney flip out a couple of weeks ago? If Dan was making a joke, it was a bad one; if he was being sincere, he deserves eviction sooner rather than later (I am SO FREAKING TIRED of his passive gameplay). To top it off, Dan lamely added, “I’m trying to win.” No, you’re not, Dan. Own your game and admit that the sequel to “Punch It In!” will be entitled, “Win By Losing!”

6) There’s an odd yet enduring reality show phenomenon which helps explain why so many floaters make deep runs, sometimes even winning the game: When one floater gets targeted and eliminated, the other floaters are often left alone for awhile. It’s as if the power players think, “All right, we got rid of one of them – now it’s time to get back to taking out the strong ones.” Good news for Ashley and Joe! Wil’s eviction may very well catapult them both into the final six (especially if the Silent 6 turn on each other).

7) Now that the BB producers have a showmance and love triangle to play with, there’s finally no need to devote screen time to the Shanielle fauxmance! Hooray! I know this makes me a bad person, but I really want to see Ian and Danielle devolve into a couple of co-dependent love-sick lunatics who randomly hook up while plotting their revenge against Ashley, Frank, and Shane. Now THAT would be incredible reality television.

8) I’m sorry, but I’m not buying that the Chenbot would be “…a combination of Janelle and Boogie” if she were to play Big Brother. Oh, she might go into the house thinking that way; she might even give it the old college try for a day or two. But before the first week was out, she’d be as invisible as Jenn.

9) Time for a new game: Love/Hate! Quizzing houseguests about current events? LOVE! Asking them questions about Jennifer Aniston and Dwight Howard? HATE HATE HATE.

10) If the BB producers want the family visit segments to be entertaining, they should set up a mobile diary room and tape every family member saying what they REALLY think about their loved ones. Can you imagine what Joe’s wife would say about him if she were totally honest? “When we’re in bed, he bellows things like, ‘I’M GOING TO FLIP YOU OVER LIKE A PANCAKE!’” Now that, my friends, would be television gold.

11) Fortunes rising: Jenn. To be honest, I’m having a hard time figuring her out; she’s a study in contradiction, isn’t she? We rarely see her talk, but when we do, she comes across as articulate and bright. She works with Wil and Ashley to develop the plan to backdoor Dan, but when the plan is pitched to Frank, Jenn is nowhere to be seen. And we’re led to believe that Jenn’s strategy is to vote with the majority, but then she votes to evict Joe. On the one hand, she doesn’t know what’s going on in the house, and she isn’t in an alliance. On the other hand, though, she doesn’t have any enemies, and she’s never mentioned as a target. So what will be her ultimate fate in the house? Your guess is as good as mine. (I have a sneaking suspicion that she’ll be the swing vote at F5, however.)

12) Fortunes falling: Frank. I have to agree with Wil – Frank needed to make a big move and take out Dan. No matter what the Silent 6 is saying, Frank and Boogie have to know they’re going to be targeted every time they’re not in power. As a result, they can’t waste a week by taking out a floater rather than a threat. On a related note, Frank needs to cut a final two deal with Shane – like, right now – with the pitch, “We’ll take turns being HoH and cruise to the final two. Who can stop us?” Sadly, though, Shane will do whatever Britney and Danielle tell him to do, which is another way of saying he’ll do whatever Dan wants him to do. **Writer of this blog now hangs his head in shame and silently admits that Dan has positioned himself well.**

13) Prediction time: Frank and Boogie go up. Boogie tries to turn the house against Britney but fails because, other than having blonde hair, Britney has nothing in common with Janelle. Frank wins the power of veto in a Grodner-designed challenge which favors men with long, curly hair. Frank, shockingly, decides to use the PoV. Shane replaces Frank with Joe, who will once again inform us that he can whip up some cold revenge any time he wants to. And Boogie is the last player evicted before the jury begins.

That’s it for this edition of The Baker’s Dozen – see ya in a week or so!

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