Each week, Scott Gallagher breaks down the show minute by minute in Survivor Pop Culture Recap. It’s live blogging complete with commercial breaks.
Survivor Pop Culture Recap: Lord of the Flies
Welcome back. I need a distraction so I’m grateful for Survivor tonight. Last night my San Francisco Giants lost and were eliminated from the baseball playoffs in the most traumatizing, horrific way possible, so Survivor night could not have come at a better time.
Last week on Survivor, the Generation Xers showed the Millennials how to play Survivor when they blindsided Uncle Paul and that has shifted the power of the Gen Xers to maybe the girls, to maybe the new age Survivor strategy of “bloc voting” which could change week to week until we get the merge. The unpredictable Survivor game, where you got hustle and work to avoid being the one that gets the wrath from that week’s voting bloc.
For some reason, I’m rolling with Ken on the Gen Xers. I know the odds are against him as whatever way you slice it, he’s at or near the bottom of the tribe and the merge can’t happen fast enough for him. But yeah, I’m at a place where I’m pulling for the guy who last week said that spelling out “you” instead of just typing out “u” is beautiful because words are beautiful and you’re beautiful and life is beautiful. We’re all beautiful in the eyes of Ken. I don’t see any scenario where Ken could win the game, but I’m rolling with him until the Survivor gods tell us that his time is up.
The Millennials I just can’t stand…except for Adam…but that is it. I guess the Survivor gods are how we picture them, old and wise, with long platinum beards. No, the Survivor gods are teenagers whose parents left for the weekend and they are mixing vodka and whiskey with white wine in one glass and pounding it, then they’re sniffing glue. They have let the Millennials get away with murder this season and I don’t get it.
Adam looks like he is playing Monopoly with adolescents that are openly stealing from the bank and trading properties with one another that make no sense. I would like to think that a majority on that tribe this week is going to go: “Okay, let’s all stop for a second and realize that we have two people who have so little tact and respect for Survivor that they openly hooked up episode one. We have to vote one of them out on pure principle.” I would really like that to happen, but I don’t think that will happen tonight. It seems like that moment has passed and now the rest of the players on that alliance are just going to use Figgy and Taylor as a human shield for as long as possible. The essence of their relationship caught on tape:
I think when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of this game that there are more Gen Xers who will remain when it comes down to it…Then again, with the Survivor gods being impulsive and irresponsible this season, who knows. Tonight will be a good indication of what direction we are going in.
It’s that time, 8 pm Portland, Oregon time. Let’s get to the show!
8 pm
Previously on Survivor:
We relive the awkward Hannah approaching Zeke conversation from last week when Hannah wouldn’t take the hint that Zeke wasn’t at a place to talk about things yet. We get reminded that David found the idol and is doing a good job managing his anxiety.
8:01
We start with the Gen Xers post-Tribal last episode, and naturally, Chris and Bret are feeling blindsided by the whole thing.
Jessica is maybe second guessing the move she made that lead to this overthrow of Paul.
8:02
We get a trippy camera lens for this next scene and I can’t tell if it’s early morning or middle of the night but it’s just weird. Let’s just agree on that.
Lucy, whom I just formally met for the first time last episode is now in full “F* Jessica” mode as she explains to a bewildered Bret and Chris that Jessica is the “power hungry” one that made the move that got Paul kicked out of the Survivor club.
Lucy thinks she is the top dog as she tells Chris and Bret that she also has CeCe and Ken and if they would like to kiss her ring she would be happy to welcome them into her family. So far they feel good about this arrangement.
Commercial Break
Did I tell you or did I tell you that Ghostbusters would be a bomb? I can’t believe it’s out on video already. It sucked. Let’s just call it what it is….a really bad movie. The only people that defend it are people that are blindly trying to fight the good feminist fight, but those people shouldn’t fight that battle with Ghostbusters because it sucked. The plot made little sense, and the scenes just seemed like one SNL sketch after the other. Melissa McCarthy isn’t a big enough star where she can just play the same character in every single movie she’s in. I wish they could just erase this whole thing from our minds and start the reboot over because it kind of tarnished the Ghostbusters brand….like tarnished in that, in comparison, it made Ghostbusters 2 seem like The Godfather Part Two.
8:06
Okay, back from break we join the Millennials as they talk about a pig possibly being on the island. Oh good! I hope the Millennials’ camp turns into Lord of the Flies…Zeke would definitely be Piggy. They would just abandon the game of Survivor and start hunting and freaking out, losing their innocence and burn down the camp. Then Jeff would arrive and just as they are about to spear Adam to death they would realize what they have become and everybody would start crying and a valuable life lesson would be learned by all.
8:07
Jay tells us for the first time this season, I think, how the Millennials are different then the Gen Xers. Wow! Thanks, Jay. I never thought of the differences between these two different generations of players this season…Thanks for pointing that out to us.
So yeah, they are actually hunting for a pig or the pig or Beelzebub. I’m not sure yet….Zeke had better watch out for his glasses, though, before Hannah drops a gigantic boulder onto his head.
Adam is perplexed that the rest of the camp is actually hunting for a pig, so he takes this opportunity to find an idol. He follows the production staff off camera that clearly led him right to the hidden specific spot of where the idol clue is. He finds the clue and clearly the producers know that we need Adam this season.
8:09
We head to the reward challenge where the Millennials are told that Paul has been voted out and everybody does their best dramatic acting displays to act shocked at this development like always.
8:10
The reward this week is steaks, sausage and veggies…probably the best reward possible. If I were playing Survivor at this stage of the game, I would probably happily mug an elderly couple for that reward.
8:11
Once again, Chris uses his brute strength to dominate a comp. He manhandles Adam and Jay as David grabs the ring and swims unabated back to the shore to score the first points for the Millennials.
8:12
Round two goes to the Millennials as Figgy and Michaela dominate CeCe and Sunday. Side note, Sunday looked absolutely horrified during this competition. I guess physical contact competitions aren’t her strong suit. She looked like she just saw Jaws swim under her and then went into a catatonic shock. I’m sorry, but I feel like that was the best way to describe what I just saw.
Next round is Teenager Will and Taylor against Ken and Bret. Taylor has a psychotic look in his eye and starts shouting for no reason which confuses everybody. Needless to say, Ken and Bret dominate and win the point.
8:13
Next round is Jessica and Lucy against Hannah and Michaela. Jessica and Lucy walk into the water like two contract killers. Michaela is long and strong and looks like an octopus in the water as she rips off her swimsuit top and literally drags all three girls to her post and scores the points. We are all tied up!
8:15
So it comes down to Chris and David vs Jay and Zeke. Chris looks like Andre the Giant compared to everybody else.
Wow, we get a real battle, Zeke does everything in his power to annoy Chris, but Chris just hulks out and single-handedly wins the comp and the Gen Xers are eating steak tonight.
Commercial Break
Talk about getting sucked into a YouTube vortex. Last break, I posted a video of Bobby Brown in Ghostbusters 2, which lead me to the ridiculous music video that Bobby Brown made for the movie and well…look who makes a cameo at the one minute mark of the video:
That’s right, it’s the Donald! And wow, look at the acting chops there. He looks very presidential there. Would he be the first president ever to appear in a Bobby Brown video??? Could somebody check that for me? Geez, this video is good. Christopher Reeves is in it riding a bike and looking very youthful, which then becomes depressing in hindsight. Back in the day of the late 80s all the way through the 90s, blockbuster movies would always have music videos like this, where the words to the song would match the plot of the movie, filled with cameos. I wish they still did this today. I would have loved to see a music video by Kriss Kross for The Revenant.
8:21
Back from break, the Millennials try to stay positive about their demoralizing defeat to Chris. Michaela shares that she loves to win and sums it up with: “ You guys are going to see some tatas today”..I think quoting Jane Austen?
8:23
Adam is going to go for the idol. He goes looking for some shell that is supposed to be marked. After some time he finds it and bang! Adam finds the idol and opens it up…but before he can fully enjoy it, Hannah creeps up asking him how the “idol search” is coming. He plays it off like he hasn’t found it and Hannah being dumb smiles, gives him a thumbs up and walks away.
8:25
Adam gets emotional about his mother and her battle with cancer. If you weren’t rooting for Adam already, it’s tough to not be now.
Commercial Break
Really, Tom Cruise, we’re going with the sequel to the gigantic smash “hit” Jack Reacher with Jack Reacher: Part Two? We get the preview for this… sure to be masterpiece. What the hell is going on here? How old is Tom Cruise?…Okay, hold on I’m going to check…..Okay, he’s fifty-four years old. Speaking of the Millennials, do they have any idea how big Tom Cruise was once? Like literally, he was good for twenty years just about. Just automatic– he puts a movie out, and people are going to see it in large numbers. Why is he wearing Liam Neeson’s hair from Taken now? Does his current wife have to wear the ankle chain bracelets like Katie Holmes did so she doesn’t get away? I need A Few Good Men Tom Cruise back in my life somehow. I don’t need Jack Reacher Tom Cruise. Can we all write letters to someone to make this happen?
8:27
Back from break as the Gen Xers are enjoying their feast. David and Lucy go off talking. David asks her who she plans to target this week, but Lucy isn’t ready to name any names at this point and clearly she thinks she is top dog here.
8:28
A minute later Ken has been CGI’d into this scene with Lucy and David and now Lucy is telling them that Jessica is the target. As she tells Ken this…the look Ken has is hard to describe. I would say it’s a cross between being told that Donald Trump is very close to becoming president mixed with being told that you have herpes. Ken, baby, let’s work on that poker face. Capice?
Ken shares that he is not in love with Lucy’s “rules”. He can’t really hide his contempt for her.
8:29
It’s time for the Immunity Challenge. The Millennials have to sit someone out and Adam chooses to not participate…I would have chosen Hannah, but that’s just me.
8:30
So the comp requires one person from each team to sit on a board that is raised up by the rest of the team, so naturally the Gen Xers choose the biggest, heaviest person on their team Chris to be the person they have to lift?
Somehow this strategy is working so far.
But just like every other comp this season, the Millennials are coming back stronger and have almost drawn even with the Gen Xers.
8:34
We are basically even here as it comes down to the puzzle. Jeff tries to shoehorn the generational differences between the two teams and their strategies.
8:36
Since almost this whole episode has been focused on the Gen Xers, they lose the comp and somebody from their tribe is going home. This should be an interesting vote…Will Lucy prove she is the top dog and get Jessica 86’d tonight?????
Commercial Break
Okay, screw it. To prove my point earlier about music videos for movies….Here’s Digital Underground(Featuring Tupac) for the movie Nothing But Trouble….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocS2GFICJoY
A movie that was colossal bomb when it came out. Obviously, the movie studio thought this was going to be a huge hit because Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd and John Candy are all in the video. Yes,Tupac and Dan Aykroyd in a music video together. Not only do you get that combo, but just the fact that this was something that actually happened to begin with is just amazing. I’m sure there are readers of this now (all five of you) that have no clue what the hell I’m talking about. This movie is really creepy by the way…I highly recommend giving it a view if you haven’t before.
8:40
Okay, here we are, back and into the back stretch of this episode. The Gen Xers all seem paranoid about who is going.
Lucy and Chris talk. Lucy assures him that she has the numbers to take out Jessica. What did Jessica do again to deserve Lucy’s wrath???
8:41
Ken and David talk, and Ken wants to blindside Lucy. Ken thinks they can get the votes.
David lets CeCe knows the plan and CeCe has the “I don’t care what name we write down as long as it’s not my name” face.
8:42
Ken then solemnly tells Jessica about Lucy’s plan. Jessica, being a dummy, runs right to Lucy and tells her what Ken said.
This leads to Lucy and Ken having a confrontation at camp. Now what the hell is going on???? Why would Jessica do that? I hate her now…I know its not rational, but yeah,I hate her and her stupid face….(Yeah, that felt good to get off my chest).
David thinks he might have to play is idol tonight for some god awful reason. Please don’t David and let’s just leave it at that.
8:46
We go to Tribal. I’m not sure who is going or why tonight. The elephant in the room gets brought out. Lucy basically confirms the plan to vote out Jessica, but this seems to fly over Jessica’s head.
Jessica asks Ken if she is supposed to trust what he is saying, which leads to Ken creepily looking deep into her eyes and saying “yes” and not breaking eye contact for ten seconds and then remaining to stare at her intensely even when she turns her head away from him.
I have no idea who is getting voted out tonight as we go to the votes!
8:49
Oh my god! David is going to play the idol….He asks to make a speech now. He decides to play the idol for Jessica…OMG why!!!!!????????
First vote:
Jessica
Jessica
Jessica
Jessica
Jessica and her stupid bewildered face..
CC
Lucy
Fourth person voted out: Lucy!
Okay so actually a ballsy move. Let’s jump to the recap
Recap
Seriously, f**k Jessica. Because she is so idiotic, David had to burn an idol to take out Lucy, which again David just jumped up very high on my approval list, even though I thought it was stupid in the moment because of my new hatred of Jessica, but bravo to that guy. It’s the move of the season so far (obviously).
I just feel bad for David now, even though the move benefits him no doubt, he still had to burn an idol because Jessica is a moron. I mean, I would have just let her get voted out if I was David on pure principle and then next week make my move on Lucy (If I didn’t know the merge or tribe swap was coming next episode of course). I mean, there Jessica was voting for CeCe and running to Lucy to tell her what Ken said, which even if you don’t believe Ken, what would her thinking be of going to Lucy to ask her? Was she hoping to appeal to Lucy’s sense of fair play in Survivor and trust whatever she told her? I’m sorry, but you can’t win the game if you make a move that dumb.
I’m fully pulling for the David-Ken duo now. It would be awesome to see them ride this unlikely partnership to the end. I know the chances of Ken not imploding before that are .01 percent, but hey, a guy can hope, can’t he? We know next episode that we are getting a tribe swap, so I’m sure the dynamics will completely change from where we are at tonight and it’s hard to forecast what will happen next without knowing what the teams will look like. I will just say that the Gen Xers are far more entertaining to watch then the Millennials.
There is nobody on the Millennials that I think has a chance in hell at winning this game other than Adam. That is it– Adam and nobody else. On the Gen Xers, I think the potential winners are David (I can’t believe I’m typing that) and ….well, there’s also…I really can’t think of anybody else and even writing down David, I wouldn’t exactly bet the house on him to hold it together. So yeah, my lord, who is going to win this season? I swear to god, nobody else in the game feels like a Survivor “winner”. Who do other people think? Last week I was high on Jessica and now I hope she goes next. I have no clue. Someone help me. Who is a real threat to win this game????
Thanks for reading and I will see you next week!
For the complete schedule of Survivor blogs: RHAP Survivor Blog Schedule. This week, we will have a special feature from Dan Heaton.
