Ok, so last week I went into writing my blog without reading what the other 17 Robhasawebsite bloggers had already written. Of course somehow I picked a topic that was covered two days before my blog came out, done really, really well and really well thought out by @roundhoward. Luckily I was feeling forgiving and so when @roundhoward and I met to hash things out, well they were actually filming for the new robhasawebsite reality TV series, so why don’t I just show that here (I’m the one with the gun FYI):
This week I’m going to warn you now; you will need a Kleenex, because we are going with famous death scenes in cinema history. I had a sad week, as my beloved Oregon Ducks lost to Stanford in Football, ruining their chances at winning a national championship, the second year in a row they lost to those nerds. So I want you all to suffer how I have been suffering this week! I have chosen famous deaths scenes that I will compare to the potential future “survivor deaths” of each player’s game and how it will be perceived by the viewers….aka me. My view on deaths in movies is that I can take almost anything except a dog, child or mom dying. Honestly, I would rather see a human die then watch a dog die in a movie, so when I compare a Survivor player’s potential death in the game to a dog, trust me I don’t mean it in a demeaning way. Before we get to the tearjerker’s, here are a couple thoughts about this week’s episode:
1. So the producers basically said, “We don’t want John to get back in the game, so what’s the best competition that will be completely unfair to him”. I mean am I crazy to think that holding on to a Pole is completely unfair to anybody who is tall, has a shoe size larger than a 4 and weighs more than 148 pounds? I mean I get it that John doesn’t exactly have the charisma of Frank Sinatra, but that comp seemed as fair and balanced as a Fox News Obama story.
2. Tribal Council freaked me out, because and I’m not certain about this, but I think CBS used a Jeff Probst Hologram from 2003. He looked ten years younger and appeared to have shorter, darker hair. I thought at any point he would cut out and we would hear “Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, your our only hope”.
3. I called it at the start of this season; this is the “Season of Tyson”. I think finding the immunity Idol cements it for him. Anybody want to bet me he doesn’t make it to the finals?
Let’s get to the most emotional blog you will have ever seen:
- Johns death via Terminator 2:
Up until tonight, John was the Terminator of Redemption Island. I feel like John left the game with more dignity then what he started the game with. CBS was like the steroid-ed out Linda Hamilton in this clip, lowering him to his death for the betterment of making this season more interesting, by keeping Laura M over John. John had a good run, Godspeed to you John. You were the terminator of Redemption Island, but then the T1000 came in Laura M.
Speaking of Linda Hamilton, has she been in anything else since Terminator 2? I think she looked and acted so fracking crazy in this movie that it scared off everybody in Hollywood from ever casting her in anything ever again.
- Tina’s death via Terms of Endearment:
Ok this is one of the most horrific things anybody could ever watch. Basically my mom has to live to be 117 years old, because she has to outlive me. I can’t watch that clip ever again. When it’s Tina’s time to leave the island, my reaction to it will be similar to this clip. I mean she’s a mom, so just by that fact her demise will be hard to watch. Tina is going to be very interesting to watch after this last episode, because what direction is she going to go to? Is she going to go to Tyson and align there or is she going to go on the offensive and try to get numbers from another faction of the island? Tina has to protect her daughter, so will that cloud her judgement?
- Hayden’s death via Turner and Hooch:
This one really hurt. For some reason I never saw Hooch’s death coming. I mean why? Why? And he was killed by F*****g Coach(Craig T Nelson)? Anyways, I picked this for Hayden, because I see him now as a loyal companion to Tyson, that is probably going to be killed in the line of duty doing something heroic. This is the stance I’ve taking on Hayden the past three weeks, that he will be loyal and help Tyson purge all the non-followers and then when the numbers drop Hayden will get a noble survivor death.
Side note: Bill Simmons the Editor and chief at Grantland has talked about Tom Hanks and Michael Keaton being neck and neck on who would have the bigger career from the 80’s through the 90’s with Keaton taking the early lead back in the day, who would have thought that Hanks would become what he became? I miss Michael Keaton and will fight to the bitter end arguing that Mr. Mom is one of the most underrated movies of all time.
- Tyson’s death via The Champ:
If Tyson were to get voted off, I would be Ricky Schroder in the clip above, “Get up Champ….Get up!” I stuck Tyson in the middle here, but really I should have put him on top, because I have him as a 2/1 favorite to win this damn thing now. Will Tyson even have to use the immunity idol at some point this season? The fact that he got Aras out so easily shows a lot, because Aras is no slouch and he was completely played by Tyson’s gang. Somebody who doesn’t agree with my view that Tyson is walking away with the trophy here, tell me how he is not, because I really don’t see it. #TeamTysonsinceday1eventhoughihatehashtagsandpeoplewhohashtagthiswarrentsitbtwcanyoubelievehowbadHomlandhasbeen?ImeanfirstShowtimehad theworstseriesfinaleeverinDexterandnowhomelandisabigjoke.
- Aras’s death via Backdraft:
Backdraft, I feel is really underrated, In fact for coming out in 1991it still holds up pretty well and doesn’t seem that dated. Anyways, can’t you see Aras’s near lifeless body whispering proudly as Vytas comes close to winning an immunity competition puzzle, “Look at him, that’s my brother goddamn it!”? Tyson’s move on Aras was good, but isn’t it a little strange that Aras didn’t see it coming? I mean I love Tyson, but it’s not like I would really trust him or better put trust any thing that came out of his mouth… ever. I think Aras’s legacy takes a little bit of a hit here, because of how easy and quietly he went out. With that said, Aras seems like a good dude and I wouldn’t mind seeing him play again and of course he does have a chance to get back into the game in Redemption, but to me, he seems defeated already.
Remember when Kurt Russell was a “thing”? He had a hell of a career in the 80’s, highlighted by one of the most criminally underrated movies of all time(yes I think a lot of cheesy movies from the 80’s are underrated) in Big Trouble in Little China. He was Snake Plissken for Christ sake and don’t tell me you didn’t love Overboard!
- Laura B’s death via Rocky 4:
Ya…that’s the clip I chose. Apollo getting beat to death was basically Laura B’s survivor experience, as she got to hang out on the island but when it was time to play the social game and the physical game she got destroyed. I kept waiting for Rupert to scream “Throw the towel…Throw the damn Towel” at Jeff Probst. Laura gave it her best, so I don’t want to be a d bag towards her. I hope her and Rupert have a good life together, rocking out at Jimmy Buffet concerts for years to come.
Rocky IV: Rocky ended the Cold War you youngsters, I bet they didn’t teach you that in history class but here we give you the truth. Rocky ended the Cold War…your welcome.
- Gervase’s death via Top Gun:
Why Goose…why did you have to take Goose from us? Why not Hollywood, or Wolfman or even Slider? Why did it have to be Goose? He was the best damn RIO at Miramar. I chose this for Gervase because he is Tyson’s “RIO”. He is flying with Tyson to the end, unless he try’s something sneaky, but I don’t see that happening right now. Gervase looks to be in a very good place, as nobody seems to see him as a target right now. Even though I’m openly rooting for Tyson, if I was Gervase I would have to start thinking about long-term plans, meaning turning on Tyson…Not yet but something to chew on… maybe two blogs away.
- Katie’s death via Cliffhanger:
Cliffhanger Awesome! So basically this is how I see Katie’s death coming. I see her getting brought along to a point that is way over her head. Everything will seem fun and exciting to her, when suddenly she won’t be of use to anybody and will fall to her death in the game of Survivor. Does anybody else not see this coming??? I think she is lacking the ability to observe what is happening around her, not getting the dynamics or the vibe of the tribe, which better change or her survivor death is going to be sudden and gruesome.
Cliffhanger quick thought: So that clip above is from the start of the movie. Daryl’s brother from Walking Dead plays a douche that brings his girlfriend, who has never climbed a mountain before, to the top of the Matterhorn or something like that and then when her rope breaks trying to slide into a helicopter, he inexplicably blames Sly Stallone? The rest of the movie is still pretty sick. The star of Cool Running’s is in it too, only he plays a real evil dude and then 4 months later he’s playing the most likeable character ever in Cool Running’s…Acting!
- Caleb’s death via The Untouchables:
Great clip, I hope you actually watched it! I chose this, because I see Tyson in the Al Capone role, with Caleb as one of his underbosses who when he least expects it, will get a bat to the head of his survivor game. I still don’t remember him talking in the last three episodes, which really isn’t the worst strategy in the world, as maybe he is doing the Buster Bluth Milford Academy plan of being neither seen nor heard. I think if Caleb wants to truly win this game, he needs somebody who Tyson truly trusts and get that person to flip..aka Gervase. Watch the clip below; because this is the talk Gervase would need to have with Caleb for all this to come together.
The survivor way:
Wouldn’t it truly be great to see Gervase say “That’s the Survivor way” with a thick Irish accent? I think that is the only way Caleb is getting far into this game, with a lot of help or a very bold, aggressive move, which does he have another one left in him?
- Ciera’s death via The Neverending story:
One of the most depressing horse deaths in all of our history’s. For some reason I can see Ciera getting really depressed when things start to go bad and giving up mentally, like that stupid horse in the clip above. I think Ciera may be another candidate to be a Tyson hostage that will get dragged potential to the final three due to the perception that she wouldn’t be able to win the game. I will say that her social game has been getting better week to week.
- Laura’s death via Old yeller:
Really, Old Yeller was the first culturally relevant tear- jerker in history? Why would Disney ever make this movie? Does anybody go into a Disney movie thinking its going to end with a Dog getting F’ing Rabies and needing to be shot with a rifle? Why did they do this to us? I feel like I lost my innocence the first time watching that movie. Anyways, I chose this for Laura because she appears to be very loyal and willing to stick her neck out there for her people, but she also has the potential to get rabies and need to be put down if Tyson sees fit. I think Laura needs to open her eyes, link up with Tina and hope they can get numbers on their side, which they won’t, but at least try.
Old Yeller thoughts: The star and his little brother in the movie were both in Swiss Family Robinson and about 34 other Disney movies then completely vanished from Earth. Did Disney just euthanize their child actors back in the day when they stopped being cute or got to old? Just a little food for thought, that is all.
- Vytas’s death via Point Break:
“The Ride is overrrrrrr Vytas”. Like the immortal Bodie, Vytas has been cunning, using his Zen to somehow convince the all-female tribe not to vote him off and then this episode he wins the first post merge immunity challenge game of Memory. Secretly do you think Vytas took some delight in his brother’s downfall? I mean he wasn’t exactly inconsolable when the votes came out. Does Aras’s exit actually help Vytas’s game in the long run? I would say potentially, depending on which way he goes next episode. He seems more aligned with the girls then the boys, which could spell curtains for Vytas in the near future. If he is a force in competitions like he was in this first one, then he is going to be seen as a bigger threat.
Point Break: So Johnny Utah lets Bodie surf to his death, throws his FBI badge into the water..then what? Is he just going to travel the world and surf? Is he going to hook up with Bill, hop into the phone booth and go time traveling? What happened to Johnny Utah, somebody tell me please!!
So here we are again, at the end of a completely random blog. I think I will start a power ranking to end every blog, with the order I think people will finish the game, with number one being the winner. So thanks again for reading and without further ado:
7.Redemption island comeback person