Hey welcome back. If you need to kill some time check out my blog I wrote for Rob’s other website, about the most awful names in Action movie history (shameless plug..I know)
I’m super pumped. Its Survivor night and I have the next two days off from work because I always take the first two days of March Madness (college basketball tournament) off. My goal is to eat to 7,000 calories a day and go for the Jesse Pinkman “I’m being held at Uncle Jack’s compound” beard look, as well as an aversion to light, vibe. With that said, let’s get into our live running stream of consciousness for tonight:
Previously on Survivor (Jeff Probst voice again while you read this part) – Sara wanted to screw over Cliff but then the producers rigged a competition where a professional basketball player got to play basketball for a competition that ultimately saved his survivor life. Spencer somehow has not gotten any sun and Tony is scaring everybody, including the production crew… Finally J’Tia exits as the worst competition competitor in Survivor history.
Black and white survivor starts off with Spencer dodging a huge bullet. Spencer is so white that he actually looks tanner with the black and white vision. I’m 78 percent sure that was a compliment.
Kass– Gives a hard analysis of the brains tribe so far calling them the “crap team”. Tough to argue with Kass on that point. What type of Lawyer do we think Kass is? Are we thinking the mean lawyer from Ghostbuster’s 2?
Or the seductive lawyer from Presumed Innocent that gets killed by Harrison Ford’s dummy wife? (spoiler alert)
Tree mail comes. Who drops off the tree mail? Is there an actual mail man with really high shorts who comes by to drop it off? Does this fictional mail man stop and make small talk with the players in the game? Could I apply for that job? I’m sure Rob has some connections, if he can’t get me on the show, at the very least he could get me the Survivor mailman gig right? Tasha gets excited about the food challenge coming up because their rice did get burned by a crazy person. R.I.P J’Tia
Shocker, were merging! I did not see this coming….oh wait…we did see this coming.
Jeff and Kass continue their trend of matching their shirts. Is this a clue? Are they in cahoots? Would a Kass/Jeff affair be the least likely affair ever? What would we call them, “Jass”? “Keff”?
The brains team can’t drop their buffs fast enough. Sarah is reeling. Why does Sarah’s hair look suspiciously like it was just styled by a team of four hair stylists?
We get the official meet and greet of the two new tribes, always a pleasant experience. Somehow the Brains tribe looks to be in the best position right now, because they all stayed together post merge. Huge turn of events for those three.
Jefra says something that I didn’t quite understand. Thinking back, who would be on your all-survivor thick accent team?
We get a physical contact competition. This seems like a bad idea. I really hope that nothing pops out of Morgan’s shirt…………….no response from any of you? You all thought it too…
What’s with the flag thingy things all around the little arena here? They look like those wacky waving inflatable tube men at car dealerships and other random places that has them.
Somehow Spencer and Jerimiah are going to try and drag Cliff…This should be fun…Spencer just can’t catch a break with Cliff, as he’s either having to shoot basket’s against him, or having to defy physics by attempting to drag him twenty yards. What’s next, “A who wears the biggest shoe competition”?
LJ and Trisha do something that can best be described as uncomfortable with Alexis. I felt like I was watching something that happened with Julie Roberts that caused her to flee in Sleeping with the Enemy from her real creepy, abusive husband. www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fiZRbezP_I
Commercial-Let’s be honest how awful does the show #FWBL look? If you’re going with a hashtag in your title, an in attempt to look cool and “with it”, then your show is dead on arrival. I know I’ve covered this before, but Sitcoms just don’t work anymore. There too fake, too formulated and contrived. Modern Family is the only watchable 30 minute sitcom-ish show on T.V right now. Anytime I see James Van Der Beek I just can’t get passed this:
Trisha is excited with L.J being from Massachusetts. L.J reacts like Trisha just told him she has a venereal diease..
L.J then tries to sell us on his connection with Trisha, but it literally looks like he’s squinting at cue cards off camera that has the lines he is supposed to say on them.
Lindsay keeps her streak alive at four episodes in a row where she made a really negative comment. She comments on Trish hitting on a twenty year old L.J. If L.J is twenty then I’m eleven years old and at least that would explain my horrible grammar. A depressing Trombone should play every time she speaks moving forward:
Cliff and Woo are bonding again. It’s really beautiful to see. I really, really want Cliff to chill at camp in one of his uniforms, complete with his old 1991 offensively high shorts. Is that too much to ask?
Morgan gets thrown under the bus for going for the idol in the first episode. Morgan handles it with the grace and integrity of a young Nancy Regan.
Spencer clearly has a hop in his step now that he’s not marked for death. He’s feeding off Alexis and Morgan girl-ling out and turning on one another. Although spencer saying that they lack social skills is a little the pot calling the kettle black, considering his tribe had some members that potentially could spend some quality time in a psych ward. With that said, Spencer really has gone from the outhouse to the penthouse with this merge. Maybe Spencer will be the Jon Snow of Survivor…(thinking does that reference work…screw it, let’s go with it)
We get ten solid seconds of Tasha making some bizarre facial expressions and hand gestures…that was entertaining. I wonder if Tasha is starting to go a little batty. If so, then down the road Tony and Tasha could have a “crazy off” which would be a win-win for all of us.
Trish and Jefra meet to strategize…Not exactly Roosevelt and Churchill talking about the allies here. Even though I don’t want to see Cliff go, I can see the logic from Trish’s point of view, because instead of being at the bottom of that alliance she can potentially put herself in a really nice spot for the next few weeks.
Random Social Media rant for this week: You know what really grinds my gears? Men and Woman in the same house at the same time engaging in Facebook Post’s and replies. Example would be a husband posting something like this:
“Hey Julie(while tagging her name) I just want to say that you’re the most amazing wife, mother and women in the world. I can’t imagine going on this crazy journey of life with anybody but you. I can’t wait to grow old together and watch our kids blossom into the special people we all know they are. Every twist and turn in life’s big rollercoaster has been special to ride with you… Luv ya.”
Granted it’s a very sweet thing to write, but when your wife is sitting in the kitchen seventeen feet away, instead of posting something that is douche, why don’t they just say it to the person, face to face? I see something like this almost every day on Facebook and I just don’t get it. What’s even worse is that after the husband posts his meaningful sentiments, the wife, who is right next to him, decides to reply on her laptop and posts it on Facebook, instead of saying it to him in person. So instead of having the opportunity to have a beautiful, personal and private moment with your spouse in person, we instead have to watch it unfold on F***ing Facebook. This really is not an exaggeration either, because I see this everyday with friends and family. Facebook isn’t CheesyHallmarkcardlikemessages.com, its Facebook pull it together, we all get it, you love your spouse, were all proud of that for you guys, but if you love them so much, say it to them in person and not on a social media website where you’re only doing it to show off and/or be a douche.
Immunity Challenge time and Jeff breaks away from Kass with his Navy Blue button up, probably with one button un-done, leaving the rest up to our imaginations. Where does Jeff Probst rank in the all-time tenured hosts? I think third behind Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak. Not a horrible spot to be in right? He also looks like he hasn’t aged at all…like suspiciously so. I don’t want to make any baseless accusations here, but let’s all agree to keep an eye on this development?
We get a fierce paper-rock-scissors match with Morgan and Alexis. Morgan goes with scissors for some inexplicable reason. In general everybody leads with Rock in a 2/3 paper-rock-scissors off, nobody opens up with Paper…the lesson, always start off with paper…and always bet on black..
Quick, speaking of Wesley Snipes, what is his best movie(Not counting Major League, because that would be it)? White Men Can’t Jump? He used to headline blockbuster movies, and now….? Where is Wesley Snipes now? I can see him popping up on a Fox pilot, where he plays a high class private investigator for the rich and famous, with a specialty in martial arts.
Immunity Competition: Apparently the comp is jamming humongous number 2 pencils into breakable wood. You would think this favors the team with the majority of the brawn tribe.
Somehow the team with the weaker players wins a competition that is 100 percent physical. Did they throw the comp and just not tell us before hand?
Tony the Gollum tells us that L.J is done. Is he still at the camp with the Spy shack? Can the Spy shack be mobile and go with him? I wonder if it looks like the bottom floor of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house, with dead things hanging and meat cleavers hanging everywhere….
L.J is sensing that his days are numbered.
Cliff and Woo confirm L.J’s suspicions. I’m glad there together again; I couldn’t take another week of Woo plotting against Cliff. They need to stick together no matter what.
Trisha tells L.J that she wants to get Cliff out. L.J is confounded that the remaining brawn team doesn’t want to play their numbers against everybody else. Trisha gives us an evil cackle. We haven’t had a good evil cackle in a while, so good for Trish for bringing it back.
Tony– calls Trisha bipolar, but he appears to start swinging towards her view on voting out Cliff. Wait! Stop the presess….Somehow he has a mini ax in his hands…how did he get that? What the hell is going on out there? How in the hell did Tony find a mini ax? I really want to know what goes on inside his head, because I bet it’s not pleasant. Plus he has his precious, the idol. I bet he carries the idol and a hidden weapon everywhere he goes on the island. I really think this will end in spectacular fashion for Tony.
Portland Trailblazer fans cover your eyes; this could get grizzly for Uncle Cliffy. It’s like a horror movie twenty minutes in, when the actor you’ve never seen before who probably came from a soap opera, trying to transition into movies, goes to investigate a strange sound and you know he’s not seeing the next morning.
Jefra…Does anyone who thought Jefra was going to be a really good players this season feel wrong yet? From the guy who picked Garriet to win it all. L.J seems like the only really complete player from the beauty tribe but I may be grading on curve…TBD
Tony has a crazy look in eye that is really troubling to look at, as Cliff’s name is called out for eviction….crazy move.
Really this move catapults Trisha into a really strong position, and was really a smart move on her part, because she just picked up L.J and Jefra and for the time being Tony, who is clearly the definition of a “wildcard” and will most likely stab her in the back next week if given the opportunity, but for the time being Trish is in a real good spot.
Overall a pretty good episode. Survivor broke a seven year streak of having a competition with a puzzle involved in it, which was emotional for all of us to see end. In my opinion, this season will still come down to the females taking charge of things. I thought Sarah was the top dog so far this season, but after the merge the top dog crown is a little foggy. Last season was so easy to see who the real potential winners were going to be, because there were only like three real possibilities. This season as of right now, is wide, wide open. So, I will see you all next week! Thanks for taking the time to read this!