This past week I went on a pretty intense Lost binge on Netflix rewatching the whole show and at one point debating whether to even pretend that the sixth season ever happened. But I thought: What the hell; I will give it another chance. For those of you who have forgotten or didn’t watch Lost, Lost was famous for having character flashbacks, flashforwards and then I think the first ever flash-sideways. Basically, flash-sideways were like a parallel universe (Spoiler alert: In Lost’s case, basically a purgatory world) where the same characters we had gotten to know are in this new but same old environment or world.
At first, the characters don’t know each other in the flash-sideways but yada yada yada they figure out that they really do. Look, a lot of people like to pretend that they were totally cool with how Lost ended and that all they cared about were the characters, something bullshit. We wanted answers because that is what hooked us in the first place. I mean, it wasn’t Jack’s character arc that got us all hooked– it was the Hatch, the numbers, and Jack’s awful beard in season 3 …Never mind, I’m ranting again.
My point here is that this season of Survivor is like a flash-sideways. The cast all come from an island, where at different times they had this crazy experience. Now they’re in this surreal world where everything is going to feel familiar yet will be totally different in most cases. Everybody kind of knows what they’re doing…well, for the most part…..(I won’t name names yet…).
These “all-star” type of seasons usually make for great, interesting seasons of Survivor, so you’ve got to be excited for what is to come. I’m writing this on Wednesday before the start of the show, so let’s hope I’m not jinxing the whole season or anything. I’m looking forward to tonight, especially since this was literally the worst season of Big Brother that I can ever remember. Oh, wait…last season was just as bad too. Seriously, at this point, if Big Brother was a race horse they would have taken it out back by the fifth week of this season and shot it. Survivor could not have come at a better time. I’m really confident that this season will not be a dud. You have so many proven players in the game that you know everybody is going to be ready to roll from the start. I hope I’m not jinxing it….Let’s just get to the show!
8 pm
And….we’re back! Jeff brings us back into the season with a pretty slick voiceover video package. Maybe a little dramatic about “how the past can haunt us”….
8:01
We see season 1 runner-up Kelly W…looks like she has aged well. Is it rude to think she had a facelift? Is that inappropriate to state here? Can I get a ruling on this, please? I don’t want to be inappropriate one minute into this season.
We next go to Andrew as he tells us that he is still haunted by his previous Survivor exit…He’s also wearing a tie, because I guess, we still have to go through this contrived first episode wardrobe thing where people from different backgrounds are playing this game….I mean, seriously, why is he wearing a tie? This is really annoying me.
8:02
My pick this season, Spencer, makes his first appearance, telling us that he is in a better place to play this game this time around. He also looks like a marine in civilian clothes now. Did someone frisk him to check to see if he has a 22 taped to his ankle?
8:03
We get a shot of everybody walking through a temple with some monks. I think this is supposed to symbolize something deeper, but I’m failing to grasp what that is right now.
We get more twenty-second clips of literally every player telling us how they are different now, and how they are going to play the game differently. We get it…
8:04
We get Jeff, who also had decided to show up in a tie, again, to tell us that in the real world he is in the corporate world. Why don’t they just go all the way and show up in a tuxedo?
8:06
We get the two main villains here next with Kass and Abi. Kass actually says something I agree with: that she needs to change the perception that people have of her to survive this game. I agree with her, and I think if she doesn’t, she could be the first to go.
We next see Abi who takes accountability for her “anger” issues. I think that’s great, even though I don’t think there is a chance in hell that she has better coping skills now to manage her emotions. We will see.
8:08
Finally, we catch up with Jeff. Jeff gives us the lowdown and for the forty-fifth time already this episode says the words “Second Chance”. Everybody sits there awkwardly on their boats as Jeff fires some questions at Joe and then at Kelly Wiglesworth.
Kelly tells us that she thinks about her last time playing the game every day of her life. You’ve kind of got to pull for her, right?
8:11
Jeff tells everybody that the first challenge is essentially right now as there is a boat with supplies that they get to rip apart. Everybody dives off their little boats and here we go.
8:13
We get a race for the big basket of rice. Woo gets it for his tribe that I don’t want to try to spell the name of…You watched the episode… You know which tribe I’m referring to.
8:15
We get our first commercial of the evening. Can’t wait to see what piece of crap drama CBS is going to be trotting out this fall season.
So far, no previews yet, except for the new Steve Jobs movie starring Michael Fassbender in the title role. No offense to the man and may he rest in peace, but that would be like George Clooney playing George W Bush.
Here we go, CBS…The first new show preview of the Survivor season… “ For 24 years she blended in…Now, it’s time…to stand out……Supergirl”. I’m sure men 18-40 years old can’t wait for a woman superhero show. I know me and my friends are putting this on our calenders now to have watch parties with some wine and blankets. Can’t wait. I’m psyched.
8:20
Back to Survivor. We get some peaceful music as Woo shares how happy he is to be getting to camp. It’s been a tough off-season for Woo. He had a huge smear campaign leveled against him, questioning his ethics and literally calling him a weasel.
8:21
Kelly Wig gets everybody to start building the camp. She shares how important working is at camp. Everybody appears to be on board so far.
8:23
Terry talks about wanting to have a better social game this time around. He talks with Spencer about how his son made him a file on every player playing this season. I feel like Terry’s son should put that on Ebay. I would bid on an intelligence file on every player this season.
Spencer shares that he is looking out for only himself. You can’t hate on him for that…only Spencer kind of has a psychotic look in his eyes as he is talking. To keep with the Lost theme, he is like Keamy now, that hired mercenary who isn’t here to play games. Imagine this scene
with Spencer dragging out Ciera and threatening everybody that things are going to go the way he wants or else….
8:24
Trouble is brewing here as Abi can’t find her “gold” bracelet. Everybody else looks annoyed. So far, Abi is holding it together, but it looks like that dam is going to explode soon already.
8:25
We join the other team and so far Ciera tells us that everything is calm and positive there.
Keith joins us for the first time tonight. He tells us that he is going to “tweak” his game this time around. I like the sound of that. How can you not root for Keith?
8:26
Jeremy agrees with me and immediately approaches Keith. He also talks to Tasha and Savage. Savage shares that he doesn’t have a good feeling about Stephen, as everybody at Rob Has A Website looks on grimly, afraid to move. They get Joe on board too, so this team already appears to have a power alliance.
8:29
We get a shot of Savage knocking down a tree as everybody cheers him on except for Stephen, who looks on like he’s witnessing a child being abducted. He shares with us that he feels inadequate again. We get a shot of him wrestling a twig unable to break it or god knows what the hell he is trying to do with that. He tells us that he thinks he is either going to “run” his tribe or he is going to overplay and “flameout” quickly. This is not boding well for Stephen fans here.
8:30
Commercial break: We get another new CBS drama preview, which looks like Code Black is desperately trying to be the new ER of today’s world. Do we have another ER in us? ER was on for what, thirty-seven years? Do medical dramas really work in today’s cable drama driven world? Who watches shows like this, or the CSI’s of the world, because I swear to god, I have never met someone who regularly watches these types of shows. How much money do you want to bet me that the first episode of Code Black involves some plot of a straight out of medical school rookie doctor coming to work his first day at the emergency room, at first being happy and cocky only to find that it’s way harder than he expected. I’m guessing there will be a “mean” grizzled veteran doctor that will be curt with him/her and at some point say something like: “ This isn’t medical school; here we play for keeps. People either live or die here…It’s all up to us to choose which one it is.”…Yuck.
8:36
Back from commercial, we get Vytas telling us that he is used to playing Survivor with women and how he can manipulate them. We get shots of Vytas charming each girl on his tribe.
Of course Shirin is immediately anti-Vytas. She originally approaches Spencer and Jeff to throw Vytas under the bus. Jeff is feeling like Shirin is moving superfast. He is rattled by this brand of Survivor. What he doesn’t realize is that this is just how Shirin is. I’m sorry, but Shirin is just annoying. I can’t tell you why in a logical way, other than she strikes me as someone that gets a little too mouthy on things.
8:40
Abi finds her bracelet in Peih-Gee’s bag. She again is trying to hold it together as she vents to anybody that will listen. Finally Peih-Gee confronts her about it and tries to make peace. We will call this an uneasy truce for now.
8:43
Next, we join the other tribe as Stephen is missing. Kimmi guesses that he is looking for the idol, which he is. So far, it is not good for Stephen whose second chance is quickly imploding….The wheels appear to be coming off.
8:44
Joe gets the fire started and people seem to be impressed. Everybody loves Joe right now.
8:46
Jeff again tells us that he feels like the game is too much so far. He talks with Peih-Gee about the dynamics of the game. They talk about who to vote out first. Vytas’s name gets thrown out there, but Peih wants to get Abi….hmmmm didn’t see that coming.
8:47
Commercial Break:
Looks like we get another Peter Pan movie. Really, though, can any of these movies live up to Hook?
http:www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s8ZEFUSYAI
Yeah, I’m being a smart-ass. I’m 35 years old now, so maybe one of the other five Peter Pan movies that have been made since Hook have resonated with people, but I can’t think of one.
8:51
Back from commercial, we hear from Kelley Went, who talks about something called a “second chance” and how she is going to take advantage of it this time around. She goes idol hunting. She finds it twenty seconds later.
8:52
Wait, never mind, she found a clue for the idol. Wow, the idol is going to be hidden at the next challenge. I like this twist.
8:53
Okay, we join the Bayon tribe. Kimmi reads to us that it’s time for the first challenge.
8:54
The next shot is my favorite so far this episode, which consisted of Joe leading a yoga group as Keith looks on horrified. I guess Keith doesn’t belong to a yoga group back home.
8:55
Back at the other camp, Vytas shows Shirin some yoga moves. Kelly Went looks on not impressed, telling us that she does not like him and wants him gone.
8:56
Vytas catches on that Abi is not feeling him. Terry and Vytas talk about voting out Abi first if it comes down to it. Looks like tonight is coming down to either Vytas, Abi or Stephen going home.
8:57
Commercial break:
Another preview for the new season of Blue Bloods and Hawaii Five O, two shows I haven’t watched a second of ever. I just miss Tom Selleck in my life being seen as a serious actor, not this star of crappy TV shows and made for TV movies that he has become. Couldn’t they do a new Three Men and a Baby movie or something? It’s not like Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg are busy.
9:03
Back from commercial and it’s time for our first immunity challenge. It will be interesting to see if Kelly Went guns for hidden immunity.
9:05
I guess they are doing a throwback to a season 1 competition. Everybody seems very excited by this announcement….
9:09
The comp is going on. Kelly knows where the idol is but so far hasn’t made a run at it.
9:11
As the comp is going on Kelly picks the perfect time to snag the idol and it appears that nobody saw her. You’ve got to admit that was a pretty cool new wrinkle in this game.
9:12
The Bayon team wins immunity. It looks like it could spell curtains for either Vytas or Abi…..
9:12
Jeff and Kelley Wig talk about her blowing this challenge, and things get a little emotional. Before we can process this, Jeff drops a bomb that we are going to Tribal Council right now.
9:13
Commercial Break:
Wow, another little wrinkle tonight…Could Vytas really be the first one to go? Was his yoga teaching just too much for everybody to handle? I feel like Vytas has a passionate following, so this could be quite the dramatic Tribal. Personally, I think at this point in the game, you’ve got to go with the people who are going to help you win challenges, so I would 86 Abi. Usually, with these all-star type seasons, they go after big-dogs from the start, so Vytas could very well be in trouble.
9:18
Back and here we go, right into Tribal.
Abi again is telling us how she is better at managing her anger, but she looks like Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own trying to hold it together when the blonde outfielder misses the cut-off man again.
9:23
It still looks like it’s either Vytas or Abi. I’m leaning towards Abi, but Shirin looks a little excited, so who the hell knows.
9:24
We go to the vote!
First Vote: Vytas….Abi….Vytas….Abi….Vytas…..Abi….Vytas….Abi…Vytas…..Vytas…….Vytas is your first Survivor player voted out.
9:26
Wow….Woo looks…perplexed…confused….disoriented…whatever the word is that describes someone that has absolutely no clue what happened and may not know where they are is the word that describes Woo right now.
Recap:
So screw challenges. Let’s just get out threats, which appears to be the philosophy tonight, unless it really was just a case of Vytas giving everybody the willies. In the first episode, it’s really tough to get a good read for the dynamics on the two teams, especially tonight when three-fourths of the episode consisted of every single character telling us about their “second chance” and how this time around things will be different.
I picked Spencer to win this thing, so right now I’m going to stick with that. You’ve got to give props to Kelly Went for taking the chance at the idol as I’m sure that will pay off at some point this season. Can I just say that I really hope Shirin gets taken out of this game horribly sometime soon in the most awful way possible? That is what I want at this time…Why? I don’t know…She just rubs me the wrong way.
