With the most recent season of Survivor now finished- and Brawn apparently being named the ultimate winner- and the new X-Men film about to be released, it seemed somehow appropriate- though, of course, wholly unnecessary- to combine the two. Comic book mutants come in all shapes and sizes, with all different types of powers. Some are mental powers, others purely physical. Some are cursed with ugliness as a result of their mutation, while others are blessed with a majesty and beauty that few are able to attain.
So I pictured a world in which we had a sort of Mutant Survivor, in which millions would gather around their televisions every week to watch a handful of mutants compete with one another on a secluded island (perhaps it could take place on Genosha) for a million dollars, and maybe even a chance to be widely accepted by the non-mutant populace.
After several years of this very successful series, the producers have decided to split up the most recent batch of survivors into three tribes: Brains, Brawn, and Beauty. There have been worldwide debates about which mutants are the most powerful, and now the producers of Survivor– along with the government- have found a way to figure out which types of mutants should be most feared; information that the security forces of our government would most certainly find useful.
After much deliberation, the producers have split up the tribes accordingly.
- Brains- This tribe would be made up of psychics, geniuses, and strategists. These people are arguably the most cunning and would pose the biggest mental threat. Some of the higher profile mutants such as Charles Xavier were disqualified for various reasons (we don’t want another Onslaught situation, do we?). The Brains tribe would consist of Mastermind, Scarlet Witch, Mr. Sinister, Jean Grey, Beast, and Psylocke. Sinister could be the strategic leader, with Mastermind, Jean Grey, and Psylocke toying with the minds of the other teams (and perhaps one another). Scarlet Witch’s ability to manipulate probability could certainly help out in those close immunity challenges, and Beast’s genius for innovation would prove invaluable in putting together the best possible shelter and dominating in puzzle challenges. This team could seem virtually unstoppable, but the likelihood of implosion is very high, especially with Mastermind and Mr. Sinister around. However, if this tribe could work together, none of the others would stand a chance.
- Brawn- When stranded in the middle of nowhere with no food to eat and no shelter, it’s important for tribes to be physically strong, especially where immunity challenges are concerned. So here we have a combination of speed, agility, durability, and brute strength. Making up the Brawn tribe would be Nightcrawler, Lady Deathstrike, Wolverine, Spiral, Juggernaut, and Rogue. While Juggernaut isn’t technically a mutant, his presence in the mutant community can’t be denied, and his raw, unstoppable power would make him a force to be reckoned with, much like Rogue whose strength and flight would be a valuable asset in challenges along with her ability to absorb other mutants’ powers, provided she gets close enough. Nightcrawler’s teleportation and general acrobatic skills would make short work of any speed-related challenges, and Spiral, with her cunning and multiple arms, could tear through puzzles. Wolverine and Lady Deathstrike each share a raw brutality that would make hunting and catching food- not to mention general challenge intimidation- a non-issue. There are some arch enemies within the Brawn tribe, which could lead to some pretty rough in-fighting, but if they can pull themselves together, this tribe would go into the merge completely intact.
- Beauty- This tribe was hard to put together, but the producers managed to find a group of charming, charismatic, attractive mutants that would look very good in bathing suits. They would also have their work cut out for them, as they have neither the psychic powers that could make for great strategy nor the physical strength required for challenge domination. However, their social game could very well take them all the way to the end. The Beauty tribe would be made up of Angel, Mystique, Pyro, Dazzler, Gambit, and the White Queen. Some of their powers would prove quite useful- such as Angel’s flight or Pyro’s ability to manipulate fire- but this group was picked primarily due to their pleasing aesthetic. These are some good-looking people that are used to getting what they want when they want it. Their confidence and social malleability could take them far, with a special advantage for Mystique whose powers of transformation make her a one-woman spy shack, able to get in nice and close and have the strategies of other players told directly to her.
So, there we have it. The cast of Mutant Survivor’s Brains, Brawn, and Beauty season. Obviously, there were plenty of people that could be included in each tribe, but should the season be successful, they can always do it again. In the meantime, whom do you think would win? Which of these mutants would be the Sole Survivor?
