The following is a guest post about Big Brother 14 (and Seinfeld) from Rob Has a Website Contributor and Legendary Live Tweeter, @TheeSoopNazee
“What were you saying to the Rosses over there, anyway?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I told them her death takes place in the shadow of new life. She’s not really dead if we find a way to remember her.”
“What is that?”
“Star Trek II.”
“Wrath of Khan!”
-Conversation between Costanza and Jerry in “The Foundation”
The big news this week in the Big Brother House came in the form of Dan’s “Big Brother Funeral.” In a way, Dan the Big Brother player did die this week. Gone is the player who drafted such a horrible team on Day 1. Gone is the player who threw challenges when he couldn’t get evicted and would never be a top 4 physical threat. Gone is the player who made his underling cry for no reason (now, there is a reason!) This week, Dan died, but his death took place in the shadow of new life as Judas rose from the Big Brother ashes and put on a display for the history books. In arguably the greatest move in Big Brother History, the new Dan saved himself from the jaws of evictions and turned the tables in one crazy stunt. He listened to his katra, and now, he’s dominating the dojo! This has indeed become the Summer of Dan.
New Dan knew he was in a bad position. The HoH wanted him gone, his antics in the Pandora’s Box challenge started to reflect on him, he showed selfishness in the PoV competition, and he was stuck in solitary confinement for 24 of the less than 48 hours between the PoV competition and the PoV Ceremony. Things were looking bad for Dan. Then, while in solitary confinement, he came up with a legen- wait for it, dary, move. He acted sick, acted distant, and then called the house meeting. He told Shane how he was basically Captain America and how there would be an amazing woman waiting for him outside of this house (one that doesn’t belong in a strait jacket), which somehow made Shane cry. When you see what he’s been stuck with this summer, I’d probably cry too. He moved on to Joe, whom he said was a 40+ year old kid that taught him a lot about being a husband, Jenn whom he thanked for being a lesbian, and Brit for helping him get through being a newlywed in this game. He told Ian not to berate himself, and Frank that he was a good Big Brother player, and his nemesis. Then the Death Blow came. In one of my favorite Big Brother moments of all time (even if it was fake), Dan told Danielle that she was nothing like Memphis, and was dead to him. Danielle didn’t know it at the time, but having Danielle react realistically helped show everyone that Dan was being sincere (even though he wasn’t).
While the Funeral was the flashiest part of New Dan’s move, the aftermath was what secured him a spot in the Top 7, and in the Big Brother record books. Dan used Funeral to say that he had to apologize to Frank, but didn’t want to do it in front of everyone so that he could get some one-on-one time with Frank without people being suspicious. Then Dan basically revealed everything, garnered Frank’s trust, and used Frank to use Jenn. The whole thing was a thing of beauty that left the rest of the house looking like they needed a dunce cap.
For the past 7 seasons of Big Brother, no PoV ceremony has come close to touching Dr. Will’s “I hate you all” speech in All Stars. Until now. The PoV ceremony that took place on this week’s show was nothing short of amazing. Everything fell into place from Jenn and Frank’s speeches to the incredible reaction shots from the stunned Quack Pack.
Jenn’s speech was nothing fancy, but I like what Jenn has done here. Sure, she was manipulated into doing, but she’s now stumbled ass backwards into a very good situation. She’s aligned with Frank, Dan, and Danielle, and is the smallest target among those four. Even though she was basically guaranteed a spot in the Final Three since Week One, now at least she has something to hang her hat on should this season play out like Big Brother 11 and she be in the Final Three with Joe and Danielle, ala Jordan, Kevin, and Natalie. She now has some fire power should that time come and can use this move to leverage favor with the Jury. While it may not be much of an improvement, she’s gone from 8th on the Power Rankings to possibly 6th by taking Rob’s strategy and sleeping until September.
Frank’s speech was a little flashier, and was fantastic for anyone on Team Frank, and probably mind-numbing for anyone who’s not. You couldn’t help but feel a little bad for Ian, who had a tortured look fall over his face as soon as Frank said that he was going after Ian’s closest ally, and how apparent he let it be known who that was. By targeting Britney, Frank still gets a huge target out of the house, and at the same time increases his chance of survival. Had he not stumbled into this move, he would have been 100% targeted these next two weeks. At the very least, he’s decreased that number. While he may have found a small level of comfort, the most important thing he got out of this deal with Dan was information. Frank now knows everything that has happened in the house, and despite being nominated more times than Shane has said something intelligent, has found himself to be in a good position to take a run at the end game.
We haven’t had a real Big Brother fight since The Hantz took on Frank back in the first week. In that fight, Frank probably won and was making the most sense, and this week, that didn’t change. It wasn’t the edit we were looking at, that’s basically the way it went down, minus multiple “Oh yeahs!” and “That’s fine…” from Ian. What came back to bite Ian the most was the fact that he told Boogie to “Get to steppin’” as he walked out the door. Ian got caught in Big Brother Fan mode and tried to make a good moment, when in reality it just proved to Frank that he had planned this all along, and had a line ready. Frank, as he has been all season long, was the only person making much sense, in part because Ian was downing his “day beers” after the PoV Ceremony ended. This week was Ian’s self-destruction, and it made for intriguing TV. This should show the BB Producers that alcohol is a good thing for this show (see; ABC, Bachelor Pad).
The Notes About Nothing
- In the HoH challenge, Frank had a huge advantage of being the low seed and practicing on Dan, Jenn, and Joe. Frank had done the course a total of five times before he got to Shane, and his practice showed.
- Before The Move, I thought Dan was losing it like Elaine in abstinence mode. During the Pandora’s Box challenge, Dan almost blew it when he told Ian that he would rat him out in a second. Although this later helped Dan’s case, it was a major slip at the time, and didn’t go unnoticed by the other hamsters.
- Joe’s yelling has officially gone into everyday life, not just the DR, as we could hear him yelling during one of the conversation talks in Sunday’s episode. He’s a loud-talker, alright.
- Like the Tweets Big Brother airs, they used the worst drawings for the Draw Something Challenge. Mine is way better. No Soup For You!
- Jenn continues to move up my Power Rankings as she follows in the footsteps of Ashley and Frank and drops a Seinfeld line. During her DR, she shouted “It’s go time!” Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
- During the Funeral, Dan actually took his first shot at Danielle when he told Shane that when he leaves “There’s going to be a girl that you don’t expect, you’re not even gonna see her coming.”
- Shane gives us his single most insightful quote of the year when he asks “Where did Jenn come from?!” That’s the only good thing to say about Shane, as he basically makes a spineless move and votes out Britney, when keeping her would cause a huge divide in the house and make him the fourth biggest target at best.
- After the PoV Ceremony, Brit flew over the cuckoo’s nest. When Danielle looks at you like you’re crazy, you’ve got a problem.
- The Brigade Bar Talk was very Seinfeldian, as they basically sat around and talked about nothing for 5 minutes. I do like how Enzo is basically Kramer though… (Side note: Be sure to catch Hayden in this year’s RHAP Fantasy Football League!)
The Sein: Awarded to the player who got their order just right, this week’s nomination is the most anticlimactic of the season. Dan wins this one easily, and if you need to be told why, then No Soup For You!
The Costanza: “Awarded” to the player who couldn’t get their order right, this week’s Costanza goes to Ian. Ian was in such a terrific spot where he was simultaneously aligned with the Quack Pack and Chilltown, giving him the most information out of anyone. He could’ve sit back and let those two sides battle it out, but he got too close to Britney, and even worse, he let that fact be known. The reasoning behind Ian not using the bonus Veto was that Britney would be going up, something Ian simply referred to as “collateral,” but what everyone else saw as a dead giveaway. While Ian has played a good game up until now, it’s No Soup For You this week Ian!
Another week in the Big Brother house ends in a success for fans. While this season has gotten quite a bit of flack online, I’ve been thoroughly entertained, and just about every week has been great (minus that one time that the dude with the extensions left, that was kind of boring).
This HoH is really anyone’s game, except for Jenn and Joe. I could see Danielle, Dan, Ian, and Shane all staying up for a while. I predict that this will come down to Dan and Shane, and that Dan will throw it and let Shane get more blood on his hands. If Shane wins, he’s probably best off nominating Dan and Frank, but we all know that’s not happening. The most interesting outcome here is that Dan wins and we get to see which side he aligns with, so for tonight, #TeamDan!
Be sure to follow me on Twitter @TheeSoopNazee, check out the Baker’s Dozen blog, and come back next week before the NFL season to read the official RHAFFL Preview Blog so that you can follow the action all season long! Until next time, No Soup For You!