Each week on Survivor Pop Culture Recap, Scott Gallagher timelines an episode of Survivor as he watches it. His summary includes pop culture references to explain what he means and commercial break rants or reflections.
Survivor Pop Culture Recap: Game Over
Welcome back for this week’s mish mosh of rarely coherent thoughts on the game we all love. Last week nothing too monumental happened other than the evacuation piece when the weather got a little hairy. I still would have liked to have seen where they took everybody. I mean, did they go to a hotel? Did they get to order room service? Did they all get separated? Did they hide an immunity idol clue in the ice machine on the seventh floor? Couldn’t we have gotten at least one clip of Will trying to order porn in his hotel room discreetly? Don’t all of these seem like legitimate questions?
The episode itself maybe has a deeper meaning than I thought. I mean, Generation X did everything “right”. They took the long-term supplies over the short-term gratification. They built their shelter first thing when they hit the beach. And guess what? They still lost. The Millennials built the worst shelter in the history of
The Millennials built the worst shelter in the history of Survivor, which on its own is already very impressive. The players within the team made the most divisive, obvious alliances with one another. They were just a total trainwreck all the way around, but then when it counted, they won the immunity challenge and avoided weakening their team.
The Generation X team seems like one big cliché team. I mean, almost every player is a complete cliché to yesteryears of Survivor. We’ve got the confused with the younger generation overweight, big, middle-aged cop in Bret. We’ve got the old hippy guy making his “I walked seven miles in the snow back and forth to school” speech in Paul Then there’s Ken, the forty-something model clearly cast from a modeling agency, not from an open tryout and down the line we could go almost with everyone from the cast. Honestly, I don’t see a winner on this team. I look at Sunday and she looks like she is going to have a mental breakdown at any moment (I think it’s the look in her eyes). There is no one on Generation X who at this time looks capable of winning the game. The whole team seems outdated.
Honestly, I don’t see a winner on this team. I look at Sunday and she looks like she is going to have a mental breakdown at any moment (I think it’s the look in her eyes). There is no one on Generation X who at this time looks capable of winning the game. The whole team seems outdated.
Not that the Millennials seem like world beaters themselves–it’s just in comparison to the Gen Xers. None of the Millennials look like they have the tools to win this season, but somebody is going to emerge. It’s just tough to see who that is going to be. There is nobody that sticks out other than possibly Mari. Everyone else seems like lightweights in this game. I would say Zeke as well, but he seems a little too much into being a “character”, and whenever someone goes out of their way to focus more on forcing Survivor “moments” than playing the game, I find it hard to believe in that person.
This could be one of those seasons in which the producers panic, pull the plug on the original teams, and merge faster or mix up the teams if the Millennials win again this week and next week. Maybe I’m wrong, but I sense doom for this gimmick. I could be wrong, and I often am, but it seems like this season is not going to be for the seasoned Survivor fan.
With all those positive thoughts said, it’s time for the show. It’s 8 pm Portland, OR time!
8 pm
Previously on Survivor: We reflect once again on how bad this cast is at Survivor. I mean, people agree with me, right? This isn’t just some snarky blogger thing? I seriously feel like this is a very, very poor cast of Survivor players.
8:01
We jump right in with the Gen Xers, who apparently still haven’t started a fire since they have gotten there? What the hell, Paul? Where are you with that Gen Xer world famous…something? (What’s the word I’m looking for here?????)…I thought this would have been Paul’s thing…
Paul then summarizes that CeCe and David are on the outs with the tribe because they’re dumb according to Big Paul…or something like that. The Tao According to Paul.
David then shares with us that he feels like he is doing a horrible job at survivoring. He takes a stab, though, at the fire.
And Bam! David gets the fire going…to the dismay of Chris who has one of those “I don’t like those types of people”(non-masculine males) vibes…And he tells us that David is still going to be the next to go.
8:02
David goes idol clue hunting, and after little to no time, he finds something. Wow, just like that, David has found the first immunity idol of the season. That was one of those “The producers know this season is going to stink, so we need to make sure one of the ‘characters’ in this cast finds an idol” type of hiding spots. So David follows the arrows off-camera that point him directly to where the idol is and boom he finds it.
8:05
Commercial Break
Holy sh*t! Matt LeBlanc is back on network T.V? I guess he got pardoned by President Obama from his ten-year ban from network TV sitcom sentence. He also looks like he’s wearing George Clooney’s hair from Oceans 13. Well, I’m sure this will be new and fresh and reflective of the 2016 world. Let’s just take a quick look:
Yikes….So the plot is this crazy never before done premise of “Mom goes to work/Dad stays home and runs the household”….Wow, this looks as edgy as Breaking Bad or The Wire….Look how silly it is. I mean, think about this for a second: a dad being the room parent at his kids’ elementary school?? What kind of hijinks is that going to cause? How many moments is dad going to have with mom about how he had no idea how being a stay-at-home parent could be so dang hard and challenging? Look, Michael Keaton is one of my favorite actors ever and Mr. Mom was a staple for me growing up, but that movie came out in 1982, and by 1990, that premise was stale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La8yBDhj34c
(Still love it, though).
Let’s just call this what it is– a money grab for Matt LeBlanc and a show that probably will not survive past May.
8:07
Okay, back from break and we join the Millennials. Taylor and Figgy are getting flirty and completely making it obvious to everyone around them that they need to be split up very quickly.
Later that night, we get footage of Figgy and Taylor making out by the fire right in front of Michaela. This can’t be good for them.
Next morning, Michaela calls them out in front of other players. Taylor then somehow tells us that this is okay because this is what Millennials do??? Okay, Champ. Sure. This is followed up with Figgy telling us that “Nobody cares” like it’s fine, like it’s not going to put a gigantic bulls-eye on their backs.
8:10
Zeke for the second week in a row tells us how he really isn’t a Millennial and that hooking up like this is totally a Millennial thing not a Generation X thing…Yeah, I’m sure none of the Generation Xers had any blacked out hook-ups in their 20s….This is strictly a new thing that the Millennial generation started.
8:10
Jay seems to get it– that his alliance is about to be eviscerated by Taylor and Figgy’s forbidden love. Jay and Taylor bro-out. Jay tries to give Taylor some tough love about his situation with Figgy. The bro-out appears to have sunk in with Taylor for now.
8:12
Next, we go to some live action fishing with Ken as he spears an octopus. I guess it’s calamari night for the Gen Xers. Ken then compares himself to David…I mean, physically and appearance-wise it’s hard to argue with him there. Ken shares that his childhood was filled with him being a spaz so now he can relate to David who is still a spaz. Ken makes an alliance with David, and for some reason, I feel like David is going to run to the alphas on the Gen Xers and rat on Ken.
8:13
David, I guess, is so far is down with trusting Ken. Maybe they might form a very unlikely duo, in honor of CBS’s other, old premise TV shows they are trotting out this season.
8:14
Commercial Break
I feel like I have been taking a lot of shots at CBS’s TV line-up, but really if you look at it, it’s just completely littered with old sitcom formulas and police procedure drama shows. I guess there must be an audience for these shows, though, because they keep throwing them on there at prime time. I just want to know who these people are because I’ve never met a person that watches any of them. I take that back– maybe the Criminal Minds show(s).
Are these networks physically incapable of making a fresh, edgy– or not even edgy– but a real show that could become appointment television? I get it. They can’t swear really or be edgy in certain ways with language or nudity. But can’t they at some point try and take a risk with something????
8:19
Back from break, we join the Millennials with Mari telling us how life on Survivor is tough for their generation– the fifty-seventh time some sort of generational reference was made by a cast member. WE GET IT! Do the producers really have to continue to hit us over the head repeatedly with the premise of this season?????
8:20
Once again Michaela catches Taylor and Figgy flirting off in the corner and she is not happy. She starts getting borderline hostile as she makes tribe bonding time awkward for everybody when she starts making comments about attacking Figgy.
8:21
Back with Paul. Paul tells us that he wants to be in control of his tribe and this game.
As we hear Ken and CeCe talking about the problems with Paul. We see Paul in some sort of discomfort. Shortly after this, Paul is lying down on the ground and the producers are intervening…Paul looks to be in bad shape as we head to commercial.
8:23
Commercial break
You hate to see anybody get medically evacuated from Survivor, even if they are annoying or you think they have no chance of winning the game. Lord knows how hard it is to get cast on Survivor, and so it’s always unfortunate for someone who probably has been dreaming about this for twenty years to get taken out of the game. To finally make it on the show and then to get taken out by something medical: I can’t imagine how much that would suck. I feel like if I ever get on, I would get bit randomly by a spider that causes paralysis. Not the fun, cool spiders, the bitey kind would get me.
I don’t know what’s going on with Paul as this is really a live minute-by-minute blog, so maybe this is just a panic/anxiety attack and Paul will be fine, but it didn’t seem as if it was nothing.
8:27
Okay, back from break, we join everybody as Paul is being evaluated by the medical team. Jeff shows up a little late to the party this time.
Paul gets a heart monitor test and it looks like Paul is going to be okay.
David then shares that he was secretly hoping for a heart attack there? Wow….surprised they left that in the show. I mean, I get wanting to advance in the game, but secretly pulling for a heart attack is a little rough even by Survivor standards…Let’s just move on I guess.
8:29
Immunity challenge time. Looks like this challenge is strictly physical–no puzzles this week. The winning team avoids Tribal Council and wins a tarp or two.
8:30
Wow. Chris starts this swimming challenge coming close to beating Michael Phelp’s world record 100-freestyle record. I didn’t see that coming.
8:33
Once again, the Millennials are dominating this competition with a huge lead as David is swimming like he has a fifty-pound ball and chain attached to his leg.
Just as I say this, though, Ken starts dominating this comp for the Gen Xers to bring them back into this.
8:35
The Gen Xers show a little heart this week and come back strong as we are basically tied heading into the final portion of the comp, which is the ring toss.
Once again, Ken dominates and singlehandedly wins this for the Gen Xers. They win immunity.
Mari takes us to break saying it’s time to send Figgy Newton home.
8:38
Commercial break
Since May I have been in a full break up with my girlfriend, so I’m going to get in the best shape of my life until that moment I can run into her awkwardly and give her that nod of a “How do you like me now?” look. Being down thirty pounds since May, it’s amazing to me. I work out 6 days a week. I’m running and lifting weights, but the hardest damn part is eating consistently healthy. I don’t think there is anything more mental in life than eating healthy, especially for someone like myself that can barely boil water, and even in those cases, the fire extinguisher is always on standby.
I have a never-ending 3-day rotation of eating chicken breast and vegetables, some sort of lean meat and vegetables and sushi–and not the good Sushi either, but the kind that is just a slab of tuna or snapper or albacore on a little bed of rice with no sauce. I literally do that rotation all week, except for one day a week, where I decided I get to act like a Survivor player on Day 34 who just won a reward challenge in which they get to pig out on something. Eating healthy has to suck, I guess, or it wouldn’t be worth it and everyone would be able to do it and all of us would be fit and look good. I guess that is just out of the question for whoever designed this world.
8:40
Back from break, we are in the back stretch of this week’s episode and it looks like Figgy, right now, is the target. Zeke again talks about all the Survivor experiences he wants to have and is being a little too excited about heading to Tribal. Zeke seems like the type of guy who is going to wear his Survivor buff seven months from now when he is out and about.
8:41
Jay, Zeke, and Adam talk and it seems like Figgy is screwed.
8:42
Jay shares this news with Michelle who is like: “Dude, you understand we can’t let this happen, right? Jay seems confused by this and we quickly leave this scene.
8:43
Jay talks to Figgy and Michaela, who are apparently together right now this moment. Figgy makes her plea to Michaela who seems like she might actually be hearing her…
8:44
Michelle and Will the high schooler talk…Michelle throws Mari’s name out there as a replacement vote. No, not Mari…Don’t do this…not the one person I have singled out in this season as the only real potential Survivor winner in this cast…Please, god, not like this.
8:45
We head to Tribal. Jeff immediately asks a generational question…because this point hasn’t been hammered home enough yet.
We go around to each player about how the season is going, and so far it’s boring until we get to Michaela.
Michaela starts talking, but we get distracted by Michelle whispering to Hannah that she is voting out Mari. Dear lord, tell me this isn’t going to happen….(and kudos to Michelle for even making this interesting) Why would Hannah be buying this sight unseen?
8:49
Michaela and Figgy start bickering with one another, as Michelle and Jay are trying to sway Hannah. Hannah is acting dumb and annoying like she is buying what Michelle is selling.
8:50
Wow, we go to the vote. Is this really going to happen? Tell me Hannah is being dumb and is not going to swing this game.
8:51
Hannah is about to make her vote, but we get one minute of her deliberating over the vote with some incoherent, crazy reasoning that nobody could possibly understand.
8:53
We go to the votes:
Figgy
Mari
Figgy
Mari
Figgy
Mari
Mari
Mari
The second person voted out of the game: Mari!
Recap
Wow, I hate this season. Yes, maybe I’m bitter because my pick to win this season just got ousted by these dummies. Judging by the previews of next week’s episodes, the producers agree with me, and like I predicted, are already going to jump ship and send some Millennials over to the Gen Xers or something like that is happening. I don’t know where or what is going to happen, but the bad guys won this week, because under no circumstance, should a couple that is just publically making out in front of people and making real no effort to hide their relationship be left in the game like this. It speaks badly of the rest of players to be that poor at Survivor to not on pure principle vote one of them out. Maybe I was overselling Mari’s acumen to this game, but come on, you’re going to leave the couple untouched when you have a perfect opportunity to knock one of them out of there?
I have no frickin’ clue who is going to win this game…none..nada. I can’t think of a single Gen Xer at all like I said at the start of this night and as far the Millennials go, nobody is sticking out except for maybe Adam. Adam seems like the only one with enough of a brain and the poise to go far. Every other player is deeply flawed. Zeke seems naturally smart and not a bad player, but I think at some point he’s going to get too emotional and implode.
Why would Michaela not vote out Figgy…Wait, I’m digressing…Sorry. Can someone with more Survivor knowledge tell me what is going on here, please? I just don’t see the gameplay being at a level that we are used to when it comes to this game. Or am I being too critical here? This whole blog is reactionary by nature and moment-to-moment opinions change, but I would be hard-pressed to think of a weaker cast, game-wise than this year’s cast. From top to bottom it just seems very, very, very weak.
Like I just said, it looks like something is happening next week, where some of the Millennials are going to be shipped off to the Gen Xers. Maybe that will make things interesting? I don’t know, though.
Somebody tell me if I’m crazy here. Who are your top three right now? Thanks for reading. See you next week!
Thanks for reading. See you next week!
For the complete schedule of Survivor blogs: RHAP Survivor Blog Schedule.
