Another week another episode of America’s favorite guilty pleasure, “The Bachelorette.”
We made it! Our little adventure that started in May has now drawn to a dramatic conclusion. We’ve seen all the drama (and boring stuff), the deceivers (and boring stuff) and heard every cliché in this series’ history. And now, we’ve reached the end of our journey.
All I can say is…THANK GOD. And when does the new season of “The Bachelor” start (January)? That’s much more entertaining (“The Bachelorette” isn’t the Bach season you deserve, but it is the one you need…to get you to the next season of “The Bachelor”). Before we get to the season finale, I wanted to share a couple thoughts on last week’s episode.
Last week was probably the most realistic break up I’ve seen on a reality TV show. It had all the classic elements of a break up that each of us has experienced before:
- One of the people involved didn’t see it coming.
- There was some confusion as to how one person (Desi) truly felt for the other (Brooks).
- One person (Desi) should have been more forthright in how they really felt.
- It was broadcast on national television.
Okay, so only a small percentage of us have been broken up with on national TV, but some of us have been broken up with in public (not me of course) and that’s pretty much the same thing. Right?
Brooks did the right thing.[/caption]
Anyway, Brooks did the right thing. If he wasn’t feeling it, he should go. Or perhaps, maybe he was into Des but he started having doubts about how she felt for him. That last sentence actually makes more sense, especially if he comes back in this last episode, which is what I’m expecting (keep in mind I wrote this before the show aired).
Let’s look at this from Brooks’ perspective. He’s competing against two other guys. He has strong feelings for Desi but isn’t sure if they’re reciprocated. Since he doesn’t really know what kind of relationship he’s in, he begins to doubt his own feelings. The doubt leads to him not wanting to be hurt, so he decides it’s best for him to leave the show (and maybe it was also a test to gauge Desi’s feelings). Brooks’s move makes sense. At least from a guy’s perspective.
Desi looked truly hurt and last week’s episode was tough to watch because it was so genuine. I don’t want to knock the woman while she’s down (I’m sure she’s fine now) but I actually had issues with how she handled things.
First of all, she said this during the incredibly long break up:
“What sucks is that for once in my life I was hopeful. I mean, I have never felt completely loved by anyone and it sucks. It sucks. It just sucks that I loved you. I do love you regardless, I do. I can say it, I don’t care. I don’t care if you broke my heart, I do love you.”
For once in your life? How about twice in a little under a year. We saw you fall for Sean last season. Falling in love doesn’t seem that hard for you. Also, you’re 26ish, I think you have some gas left in the tank. Let’s not overdo it.
Secondly, Desi brought a lot of this on herself. Chris Harrison asked her weeks ago if Brooks was the guy. He was, but out of obligation or curiosity or the urge to go to Antigua, she dragged it out. Desi could have just ended things right there, left Harrison and went straight to Brooks and said, “This is over for me. You’re my man. Let’s listen to some Robin Thicke and get funky.” But she didn’t. Or, she could have gotten him to the side when a camera wasn’t around and said something to give him a clue he was the One. She could have done ANYTHING but just play by the shows rules.
Granted, maybe she felt obligated to stick to the traditional Bachelor schedule. Maybe a producer even told her she was required to continue the show’s normal routine. Who cares? Desi was the one with all the leverage. If she’d made up her mind, she could’ve told producers she’d walk if she didn’t end it when she knew no other guy was in the running. What would they do? Fire her? Sure ABC would have had a number of episodes left to fill but its not like they’re not good at that already.
So while I felt bad (a little) for Desi last week. I got over it quickly.
And that’s my rant for this week.
Okay, enough jibber jabber. Let’s get to this week’s 3-hour (THREE HOUR!) episode. I’ll try to hang in with the After the Rose as long as I can but I offer no promises. I can only sit on the couch with lit candles and drink wine like my hero Swat from “The Bachelor Pad” for so long.
And, as always, be sure to check out the flavor filling links.
7:00 – 7:03 – This preview sure makes it look like Desi leaves the show empty handed. Nice try ABC producers! I’m not buying that. I know your editing tricks! You think I’m not getting a happy ending? Ha! I know your game.
7:05 – Desi is sitting down with Harrison the day after Brooks dropped the hammer. The girl is crushed. I almost feel guilty for watching someone go through this on TV. Almost.
7:08 – Harrison brings up Drew and Chris to Desi. She seems about as interested in them as she does if she was asked to go on a vacation with her brother. This. IS. OVER.
7:09 – And again, if you’re Drew or Chris and are watching this you KNOW it’s over. In the preview it looked like she left them both hanging at the final rose ceremony. I really hope she doesn’t do that. That would be a dick move. Can women make dick moves? A vagina move just doesn’t sound right. A boob move? Nah.
7:14 – Rose ceremony time. With this much time left in the show, it can’t be good. I think she’s sending them both home. I hope Juan Pablo jumps out and says, “Juan who? Juan Pablo is the new Bachelor!”
7:16 – A weepy Des is talking to Drew and Chris about Brooks bolting. Just judging by how she’s acting, these guys should both know they’re in trouble.
7:19 – Desi’s two rebounds accept the roses Des had to offer. I’m pretty sure they accepted them just to be nice because it’s clear she’s heartbroken about another dude.
7:25 – Chris Harrison is talking to the studio audience. I spot three males among all the ladies. And yes, if invited I would go. Don’t judge me.
7:26 – Two audience members have told Harrison that they thought Brooks was coming back. We’re ALL on to you ABC producers. Everyone in America is.
7:33 – Desi is actually going on dates with Chris and Drew. That’s right, she has to pretend she gives a crap about two other guys that were Plan B and C. This should be awkward.
7:35 – Well that didn’t take long. Desi is going to let Drew go. They got on horses, got to the beach, and she’s ready to drop the hammer. I guess Brooks looks better on a horse. Sorry Drew.
7:37 – And Desi just pulled a Brooks on Drew. Drew didn’t see it coming, his heart was torn out Temple of Doom-style and he’s utterly confused. Maybe Desi’s heart will be complete when she eats Chris’s heart next.
7:48 – Now it’s Chris’s turn. I expect Desi to Brooks him too. I just turned Brooks into a verb!
7:49 – Whoa, much different mood with Chris. Could he really be The One? Will ABC producers pay Brooks to come back and make this more dramatic? Let’s hope so.
7:54 – The Chris/Desi date couldn’t have been framed any better. It was fun, it was romantic and Desi said all sorts of complimentary things about Chris. Wait a sec, how the heck did we go from Desi being heartbroken to her now being really into Chris? That’s clever editing, denial on Desi’s part, or clever editing. Guess which one I’m going with?
8:00 – Time for the evening part of the Desi/Chris date. I’m hoping there’s no poetry involved.
8:01 – Here’s my theory on what Des is doing with Chris. She’s looking for a way to rationalize picking him. She’s looking for something about him that says that Brooks was actually the wrong guy. I think she’s going to find it. Unless Brooks shows up, which would be AWESOME.
8:05 – Well, that sealed it. Chris is the guy. He just gave her a journal that had all his lame poems in it as well as a quote that seems incredibly appropriate for Desi’s situation. The justification to pick Chris has just been delivered. Amazingly, Desi has managed to get over the heartbreak of Brooks in about 48 hours. That has to be some kind of record.
8:12 – 8:18 – Harrison talks to some old Bach contestants. First up was Catherine and Sean. Then Jackie, Lesley and Lindsay. No one said anything interesting but I still found it funny hearing Sean say all sorts of stuff about how much he loves Catherine in front of the woman (Lindsay) he dumped at the final rose ceremony.
8:23 – Time for Chris to meet Desi’s family. PLEASE do something douchey Desi’s brother Nate. PLEASE!
8:30 – Chris killed it with the family visit. Chris was calm, doesn’t blink when he talks to people and looks people in the eye. He also handled Nate (who despite asking a lot of questions seemed heavily sedated by ABC producers) very well. I’ve got one foot in the Chris bandwagon. He was impressive.
8:31 – Nate brings up Brooks and asks Desi if she has any regrets about him not being there. Nate is good because now Desi is rethinking her Chris justification. Nate should have his own talk show. He’d be the new Roy Firestone.
8:41 – Things are winding down. Chris picks out a ring. Desi is all dressed up. Looks like Brooks is not going to be showing up. Damn.
8:48 – Here we go. Chris has just pulled up and stepped out of the limo.
8:52 – Chris has to be freaking out. He just laid out an emotional sermon and was about to kneel when Desi stopped him. Gah!
8:54 – Says Desi, “I was torn apart by Brooks leaving. I loved him and throughout my journey I was torn between the two of you. I feel like I was blindsided by my feelings for Brooks and feel that the one thing I really needed was right in front of me. You never lost sight of what we could be and I was very grateful. I love you so much.”
And that’s how you make both you and your future fiancée feel okay about the person you were really in love with leaving the show.
8:55 – Chris takes a knee and proposes. Desi accepts. Cue the cheesy music; we got some Plan B love here!
8:57 – As a Desi/Chris relationship montage plays, I can’t help but think two things: 1) These last two episodes were some of the best in Bachelorette history and 2) This also might be the most unfulfilling Bachelorette finale because the “winner” feels like a last minute replacement. I’m conflicted.
Bonus Bachelorette coverage! It’s time for the After the Final Rose show where we learn REALLY important stuff.
9:03 – As Desi talks to Harrison she brings up a legit point. After having her heart broken she had to put things into perspective about what she really wanted and needed. Maybe she wanted Brooks because he was always the guy she usually fell for and she honestly couldn’t see what Chris had to offer because of it. Or maybe I’m just falling for Desi’s rationalization.
9:06 – I’d like Harrison to ask Desi (with Wonder Woman’s truth telling lariat tied around her) what would have happened if Brooks had stayed and she would have had to choose between him and Chris. Sadly, I doubt that will happen.
9:11 – And out comes Brooks to talk to Desi. She looks REALLY uncomfortable. I think he’s bringing up some old feelings in her. #awkward
9:17 – That was very awkward. Brooks handled it very well, much better than Desi. Brooks acted like it was a tough break up but that it was necessary. Des was acting really hard to look like someone who was totally okay sitting next to a guy who broke her heart. She even rubbed it in that things went “really well” after Brooks left. #justification
9:24 – And out comes Drew. Thirty seconds into his chat with Harrison and Desi and his voice is cracking. Ouch.
9:27 – Wow, the chat with Drew is a bit heartbreaking. He asks Des what he could have done differently. I feel really bad for this guy.
9:30 – Man, that segment with Drew was tough. Every time he talked he sounded liked he was about to break down and cry. Yeesh.
9:31 – ABC just aired an extended trailer for their new show “Betrayal.” I’ve watched the pilot (I’m a media columnist, I’ve watched all of this fall’s pilots) and it is VERY good. I highly recommend it.
9:35 – Just saw another trailer for “Super Fun Night.” Very funny show, I highly recommend it. Sorry, my inner media journo can’t help himself.
9:36 – And out comes Chris. Yawn.
9:41 – I gotta give both Chris’ credit. Harrison asks a tough question (FINALLY!) and asks Chris if he can trust his love for Des after seeing how she felt about Brooks. Chris brushes it aside like LeBron gliding past a defender, smoothly and with little effort. He looked completely unfazed by the questions. Bravo.
9:50 – We’re about to learn who the next Bachelor is. Please don’t be Brooks or Drew. Please don’t be Brooks or Drew. Please don’t be Brooks or Drew.
9:51 – And the new Bachelor is Juan Pablo. I’m about this level of surprised.
9:54 – I have to admit, the next season of “The Bachelor” has fantastic potential. The show is always good, but a Bach that has a sense of humor and a crazy accent? That just adds to the potential of the show.
9:55 – By the way, things that I plan on making fun of about Juan Pablo next season – 1) His Spanish accent 2) His crossed eyes 3) The ridiculous notion that a professional soccer player with a sexy accent has a hard time finding women to date and 4) The times his voice goes from Ricardo Montalban to Kermit the Frog (don’t tell me you didn’t notice it). I’m very excited about the Juan Pablo season.
Final thoughts – It’s nice to see a 30-something Bachelor. Juan Pablo is currently 32 AND he has a kid. Looks like my good friend, Bachelor casting director Lacey Pemberton, took my advice…I think Desi and Chris will be okay. However, you know years from now she’ll look back at Brooks as the one who got away and will later have an affair with a guy who looks just like him…
That’s all I got folks. I want to thank you so much for going on this ride with me. It’s been a lot of fun. If you enjoyed these running diaries, I think you’ll like my Bachelor ones even more. They are so much richer in content. It’s like hitting beach balls with a baseball bat, so damn easy and fun. I hope you guys have had as much fun as I have this season. Thanks again.
See you in January!
