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Guest Post: The Unintentional Comedy Gold of Teresa Giudice

Teresa Giudice is the Unintentional Comedy MVP of Celebrity Apprentice

Teresa is Fabolina on the Celebrity Apprentice (photo courtesy of NBC)

A Celebrity Apprentice guest post from Jordan Kalish

Picking this week’s MVP is not an easy task.  The logical choice would be Lisa due to her lashing out at Dayana.  However, she won it last week for basically the same reason, except for the fact that it was Lou Ferrigno who incurred her wrath.  I wouldn’t want to become predictable.  Aubrey had some funny comments as always and Clay was pretty good during the puppet show, but I’ve decided to give the award to someone who I never thought I’d talk about much on this blog.

Episode 9 MVP: Teresa Giudice 

Teresa Giudice might be the dumbest person I’ve ever seen on a reality TV show.  Given that I’ve been watching members of the Monono tribe play Survivor for two months, this is quite an accomplishment.  When this season started, I thought we’d be getting an abrasive character like NeNe Leaks.  Instead we have this Real Housewife who has the personality of a bewildered three year old.  I don’t think anyone else in the world would have been so excited by the idea to name a puppet ‘Fabulina’.

While she isn’t intentionally funny like Adam Carolla, Lisa, and Aubrey, her dim antics had me laughing throughout the episode.  While trying to come up with puppet ideas, she originally wanted to go with a ‘different’ name like Rhianna or Beyonce.  Yes, naming puppets after two of the biggest current music stars is very creative.  She would have suggested naming it Debbie Gibson as well, but wanted to avoid a four-alarm dump during the show.

Teresa proved she doesn’t know how to count while learning how to use the puppet.  I still don’t think she knows that the word ‘seven’ has two syllables.  Somehow, while trying to improvise about cleaning supplies, her best attempt was coming up with a parmesan cheese roller.  If she thinks that cheese is a cleaning supply, I wonder if she uses Windex as an ingredient in her cookbook.

Until now, The Celebrity Apprentice hasn’t been a game in which strategic play determines who stays and who goes.  As Richard Hatch alluded to in the Reality Rally interview with Rob, Trump tends to fire people on a whim.  However, Teresa’s strategy of naming her daughter Milania*, after Trump’s wife, seemed to be one of the reasons he fired Paul Sr. instead.  Pregnant celebrities should take note.

*Teresa most likely named her daughter after the Italian city Milan, which according to her cookbook ‘Fabulicious’, is her other daughter Gia’s favorite city.  Therefore my previous paragraph about Teresa coming up with strategy is moot.

Subtle Editing Jabs At Dayana

While Lisa was pretty mean to Dayana, the editors weren’t much kinder.  After Lisa told her that she was too hard to understand to be in the show, she got subtitled in her next confessional.  Later, they showed a close-up of her while Lisa and Clay were puppeting about vapid models.

Unintentional Inappropriate Comments

-Trump to Penn: “You were pretty big, I would say you’re pretty big.”

-Trump to Clay: “You’re actually not a small guy.”  Clay: “I used to be small.”

-“Puppet Up!”

Rob Cesternino

Rob Cesternino is a two-time Survivor player and reality TV aficionado. Rob gives his thoughts on his favorite Reality TV shows as the host of "Rob Has a Podcast" More From Rob Cesternino »

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  • apple pie and coffee

    ok J_K now you are just being mean :) first of all technically seven is NOT two syllables it IS a sliding dipthong, and if we could see a dip [like Teresa] in a thong we would probably get a David Healy which if you want to be useful explain what the hell David Healy has to do with an erection :)

    • Jordan_Kalish

      First of all, I don’t think Teresa in a thong would give me a david healy. Second of all, even if seven is technically a sliding dipthong and not a two syllable word, you still have to move your mouth twice to say it, proving that teresa does not know how to count.

      • apple pie and coffee


        • apple pie and coffee

          actually i think there is no such thing as a sliding dipthong :)  

  • apple pie and coffee

    AND you totally missed the crucial scene where Teresa calls her cha cha CHUCKALINA and says she holds [something?] under her chuckalina when she pees :)

  • Don’t forget that when asked to give an adjective Teresa said, “MONSTERS!”  Did she never watch Schoolhouse Rock!?

  • NO

    thanks for your kind words in the Spreecast today Jordan, just remember that the people who called your game play boring were NOT paying attention :) BOREDOM = NOT paying attention, which follows from the ultimate observational caveat

    EVERYTHING is in the eye of the beholder :) 

    this is why any observation by anybody about anything is really a statement about their own point of view, however that point of view only pertains to the observers FANTASY about what they are observing !!

    confusing corollary:

    NO human can prove that they are the authority on REALITY, which cannot be defined any more than any other aspect of life :)

    Alan Watts was right in my opinion, ALL human definitions refer ONLY to themselves NOT to any aspect of REALITY which unfortunately humans CANNOT define nor even prove to exist !! 

    REALITY of course DOES exist, we are just NOT able to define it :)

  • NO

    simple example of my philosophical stupidity:

    is ANYTHING more boring than someone saying they are BORED :)

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