Survivor Kaoh Rong

Survivor: Treasure of the Survivor Madre

Here we are, down to the penultimate episode of this season of Survivor. Last week we cleaned out the last obvious target for the majority in Jason and now we’re left with the final five. Everybody in the game has been plotting or should have been plotting about whom they want to be sitting next in the finals, some better than others, and in a couple of cases not plotting or thinking at all.

I said earlier in previous episodes that this jury has the potential to be one of the more bitter, random juries we have had in Survivor. You’re going to have Scot and Jason who I’m going to guess are going have horrible logic and reasons for voting for someone and they will probably attempt to bully other people in their way of thinking which is just bad for everybody. Maybe I’m wrong about them and they will vote for who played the best game, but I don’t have a lot of faith in them. It’s time for whoever is going to win the season, to grab their crown….Who will that be? It should only be two of the five players left. Let’s take a look at everybody’s hopes here:

Aubry: From a pure game standpoint she is our number one contender, although for like the third time this season, last episode she kind of got told how to vote and didn’t really feel good about it. This last vote will be the one where Aubry looks back at and whether she wins or loses. Maybe that was the key moment for her. She let Cydney bully her into getting rid of the toothless tiger, Jason. Now Tai is going to be asking questions he wouldn’t have been asking if Michele would have been the one to go. Aubry has some damage control to do with Tai as well as trying to get rid of Tai, because she doesn’t want to be sitting next to Tai in the end, you would think. Aubry probably, or I guess not probably, does feel more comfortable playing this out with Cydney and Joe, meaning her target tonight is probably still Michele since Tai will be playing his idol tonight I’m sure. I don’t think Aubry will be a primary target for somebody, but at this stage of the game anybody and everybody could be a target all depending on who wins the immunity challenge. Aubry is still our number one contender to win this thing, though.

Tai: So Tai very coldly wanted Michele gone, and now that that didn’t work, Tai is back to the drawing board. Thankfully, if you’re a Tai fan, then you’re breathing a sigh of relief that he has that idol to play with, because that could put him in the driver’s seat. The million dollar question for Tai is if he realizes that he needs take out Aubry???? Aubry is the only person in front of an IMPARTIAL JURY that could make a stronger argument than Tai in the finale. Tai, from the previews it appears, is potentially going to try and work with Michele, which may not be an awful move if Michele can guide Tai into trying to take out Aubry. Maybe Cydney will be on Tai’s mind too as a possible target? Regardless, Tai will survive tonight 100 percent, the only player we can say that about with any certainty. Tonight is a great opportunity for Tai to make a move that he can then point to in front of the jury as a move that put him over the top.

Cydney: So Cydney is an award winner for the player that most behaves like Humphrey Bogart in the Treasure of the Sierra Madre as each episode passes.

Cydney hasn’t gotten a little more belligerent, paranoid and a little crazy as the last five episodes have progressed. With all that said, she is still in the final five. Cydney also showed the ability to bully people into doing what she wants to be done, so clearly she is here now because she deserves to be here. Now where does that leave her heading into tonight? Well, she sits with Aubry and Joe who have been tighter longer than she and Aubry. She seems okay with Michele, and clearly, she is fed up with Tai. So for Cydney to survive and advance, she needs to do or go with whomever gets her past tonight. Will she be the target? It’s plausible, she is a threat that has done good in comps and probably has a couple friends in the jury….then again, it’s impossible to tell where this jury will lean, but for argument sake, let’s say that she does. For her, I think more than anybody (other than maybe Michele) she needs to win the immunity challenge tonight. If Tai aligns with Michele, let’s say, and it’s Joe and Aubry, that makes Cydney the swing vote or the target depending on things. I think Cydney has done better this season than I thought she would have, and she has been behind many big moves this season, so she deserves a lot of credit, but I think tonight might be her night to go.

Michele: Michele escaped last week, even though voting her out was probably the smart play, but this season hasn’t been filled with smart players making smart moves, so here we are. Michele would be smart to align with Tai because Tai has a gun he gets to bring into a knife fight with his idol.

Michele, after being perpetually in the middle all season, finally faced the fire last week and came out on the other side, so now is the moment for her to pick who she is going to ride and die with. As a fan, I would like to see her roll with Tai and go for Aubry or Cydney, and I think that is what she will do if she is smart at least. She knows Tai has an idol so he’s not going tonight, so that means gamewise, she has to see how this will play out for herself, and then know that she can’t win sitting next to Aubry (with an impartial jury at least). If Michele can win the immunity challenge that would be huge because then we put Aubry to the fire in choosing between Joe and Cydney. Either way, I think Michele is playing for second place at best. She’s come a long way but I don’t think she has the resume to win it all.

Joe: Oh, sweet Joe. Joe has been the guy at the poker table that folds at the start of every hand as person after a person goes bust and then you look up and he’s one of the last people at the table. Joe is here and now. He seems resigned to be the guy that comes in third place. I don’t even know if it makes sense for Joe to do anything at this point, like literally, he should just chill by the fire and wait until the finals. It doesn’t really make sense for him to be a target because who wouldn’t want to be sitting by Joe at the end? When you’re in the place where you know you haven’t really done anything major in the game and then it gets to the point where it’s too late to really distinguish yourself in the game, what do you do? I guess maybe Joe could be a default target, but it would seem like a waste of a vote. Not that I don’t respect Joe– it’s just tough to say that Joe deserves to win the game.

 

So that is how I am seeing things heading into tonight. Gun to my head, I would guess that Cydney goes tonight. She seems like the most logical target for more people in the game. Now I have been wrong only about 97 percent of the time, so there is also that. I guess we will see. I bet tonight is the family comes to visit episode and my guess for the most hysterical player when that happens is Aubry….I don’t know why—I’m just going with that. With that said, its 8 pm Portland, Oregon time and let’s start this episode!

8 pm

Previously on Survivor:

Why did Jason vote for Joe again? Like seriously can we stop and analyze how idiotic that move was?  Like can he get kicked off the jury for that? I also have a sinking suspicion that Tai’s idol play or lack thereof is going to be anti-climactic.

8:01

We start the show right after the last vote. Joe tells everybody “Well done” and tells Tai “It was the will of the people”…Everybody looks confused and then Tai shares that he is in shock by the vote.

8:02

This turns into a process group as Tai and Michele both air their grievances.

After this talk, Tai approaches Aubry to confront her about her not coming forward to him about which way people were going to vote. Aubry is trying her best to flip the blame back on Tai. Joe randomly stumbles into their conversation and we don’t really get a resolution. Is this the start of the Tai vs Aubry match we have been waiting on…Maybe the most anticipated fight since Pacquaio vs Mayweather.

Commercial break: I feel that we need new special TV miniseries. There was a time when there used to be some pretty big ones when I grew up, and for some reason, they were horrifying. The obvious one being IT

which my lord, was that scary back then and now it still feels creepy as can be. Try watching that as a ten-year-old. Nothing is worse than demonic clowns that prey on kids…except maybe being a seven-year-old watching the Alice in Wonderland miniseries and this scene pops up from nowhere:

Seriously, I mean I had only known the Disney cartoon Alice in Wonderland movie at the time, so you can imagine the PTSD that this scene caused me for the duration of childhood. Nothing good came from that. Something creepy about the 1980’s puppet type of deals…

8:09

We’re back and it’s time for the reward challenge. They are trying to get sandbags into a designated little box. The winner gets to spend the night in a bed at a spa. I guess we don’t get the family reunion tonight?

8:10

So far Cydney is killing the running portion of the comp, but the throwing of the bags into the little areas is leveling up the field as no one has really taken a huge lead.

8:14

Everybody shot their wad and maxed out on their allotted sandbags without winning, so that leaves Joe who is like fifteen minutes behind everybody else to get a chance to steal this comp. Can he take advantage of this??????

Wow…in the most dramatic moment for Joe of the season, it comes down to his last sandbag: make it he wins, miss it and everybody gets back into the comp….and Joe sinks it! Joe wins the challenge.

8:15

Joe gets to choose someone to come…and without hesitation he chooses Aubry. He gets told to choose someone else. Aubry campaigns for Cydney and Joe tells her to decide, so Cydney gets to go to.

So this draws a clear line in the sand, not that it wasn’t going to unfold like this anyways, but it looks like Aubry is choosing to stick with Cydney to the bitter end and I’m a little surprised by this. I guess the thinking is that she needs protection to get to the finals so Cydney is her ticket there?

Commercial Break:

I see Russell Crowe has a new movie coming out.

It’s been a minute since we’ve had a Russell Crowe movie in our lives that had any impact. I don’t mean the smaller roles– I mean the “I’m angry Russell Crowe starring in this movie” Russell Crowe. I think Russell Crowe pretty much tarnished his reputation when he became an A-lister and started throwing hotel phones at hotel staff and doing other actor-type of entitled things. There is nothing better than when actors play “tough guys” in all their movies and then slowly start acting like their tough guys in real life, even though any actor I’ve ever seen in real life is never over 5’5’’. I mean have you ever seen how Joe Pesci carries himself in real life? He’s been in too many mafia movies and now carries himself like he’s John “The Dapper Don” Gotti. Not that I would have handled fame well myself– I would definitely had been the Robert Downy, Jr model of needing a few “wake-up” calls before I pulled it together; plus, I’m awful with money. I would be doing movies for money which usually leads to this:

Anyways, here’s hoping that Russell Crowe gets back on track.

8:20

Back from break, we join Joe, Aubry, and Cydney at their “spa” as they enjoy some food and drinks.

8:22

Joe wants to fortify final three with these two and makes a comment about him and Cydney just being “along for the ride”–basically saying that Cydney can’t win the game….so Aubry comments that maybe she has overlooked Cydney as a real threat to win the game. Hmmmmm. Maybe this sparks something?

8:24

We next catch up with Tai and Michele who figure out they are on the bottom of this thing and need to make up and work together. Can they pull a rabbit out of their hat to get Aubry maybe? Doubtful, but hey, anything can happen.

8:25

This leads to Tai giving Michele a massage on the beach. The creepy rooster comes over leering over the sensual massage that Tai is giving to Michele.

8:26

They agree to agree to talk about a way to work together. Okay…small steps, guys.

Tai tells Michele about his idol. He tells us that he feels betrayed by Aubry and tonight is the night to make a move. I really hope that happens–might as well just completely shake this season up all the way.

Commercial Break:

I’m trying to eat healthy right now. Every food commercial I see here is just killing me. Is there anything worse than eating healthy 24/7? I boxed for seven years and did what I had to do to stay at a certain weight, but it’s just not fun. Everything sucks to eat. Of course, this has turned into another “bet” for my friends and me. My buddies Marc and RJ are going to attempt to do a “biggest loser” contest. I’m hoping my ability to gain and lose twenty pounds in a jarring amount of time like when I boxed will still be the case, but being 35 now, I’m not optimistic. I run every day at least five miles. I lift weights. It’s just my diet and there nothing worse, but once you make a bet, then of course for me and my friends it turns “fun”, because betting on basketball, hockey and having a hotdog eating contest isn’t enough I guess.

We’re probably a couple of weeks away from scouting little league baseball games to bet each other on. In those cases always look for the kid that hit puberty two years before everyone else, the eleven-year-old  with the mustache who smokes in between innings is usually the team you want to bet with….but I digress. Is there anybody with any really easy food recipes for someone who can barely boil water? They would be greatly appreciated.

8:32

Back from commercial, we join Tai being reflective about how hard playing Survivor is. I guess I root for Tai because I think I picked him to win this season back at the start so maybe I’m biased, but I’m pulling for him.

8:33

The spa winners come back to camp, Aubry is paranoid and knows she needs to patch things up with Tai. She also hints at maybe targeting Cydney. Aubry is certain Joe will go with whatever she tells him to. Will Tai take this bait??? Tai can’t really afford to piss off another jury member in Michele if that actually happens.

8:35

Tai and Aubry talk. Aubry gets Tai to break down and cry…Aubry is playing smart. You can’t hate on her game, but come on, Tai, you can’t be sitting next to Aubry at the end…Make a move!

8:37

Joe, meanwhile, is giving a play-by-play of every bite of food they had at the spa to Michele…I’m sure Michele really appreciates this because nothing is better for someone that is malnourished than getting to hear about all the awesome food someone else got to eat.

And Cydney picks up when Tai and Aubry came back from their talk that it probably wasn’t a good talk for her game.

Cydney and Michele then talk alone and kind of cut a deal to stick together. Michele thinks she is in the catbird’s seat of getting to choose who goes home between Joe and Aubry….This episode is heating up.

8:38

Joe tells us that he can’t pee. Hopefully, he is okay. Joe shares his symptoms to Aubry and it pretty much sounded like the worst thing in the world and I’m squeamish watching this.

8:40

Michele, smelling blood in the water, is hoping that Joe gets pulled from the game. We get some ominous music in the background, and my lord, will this be super-lame. Strictly from a game standpoint, this would be awful.

It’s 8:40 already and we haven’t gotten to the immunity challenge…That is not good…That usually means we’re not going to Tribal….I hope I’m wrong…

Commercial Break:

They’ve made another Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie? I’m not sure how the series ever survived this:

How did Vanilla Ice come up with such a quick rap in the moment that perfectly summarized the whole Ninja Turtle plot? How did the turtles already have a perfectly choreographed dance in that moment? Why is it when goons get punched or knocked out that we never see them again? I mean, if they weren’t killed or seriously injured to the point that they needed urgent medical care, wouldn’t they just get up again and fight? Why do I even care?

Well, I have five minutes to kill for this commercial break, although truth be told, I think I would prefer the old puppets to the CGI that they use now. Maybe I’m just old fashion but if I wanted to watch a cartoonish Ninja Turtle product I think I would just stick with the Teenage Mutant Turtle cartoon:

8:45

We are back from commercial and still no competition…This is not looking good.

Joe is still in a huge amount of pain and it appears that Joe will be leaving us.

8:48

Jeff and the doctor return to look at Joe. The doctor explains what Joe is going through…and I don’t ever want to get old…It just sounds awful.

8:49

The doctor officially pulls Joe from the game. I’ve been giving Joe a hard time for lack of action in the game, but it still doesn’t feel good to see someone go out like this.

Jeff takes Joe’s pain as a moment to give us a life lesson about living your life hard every day. We get it, Jeff…We get it.

8:50

Joe says his goodbyes to everybody. Jeff points out to us that this season has had more medical evacuations than any other season in the history of the show.

I guess that is how we are ending things tonight.

Recap:

Wow…it’s really lame tonight because this was shaping up to be one hell of a Tribal tonight with a really tough choice being made by someone. Would we have seen Tai go back to Aubry or would he have tried to do the smart move by trying to take her out? It’s tough to tell, right? I mean I guess it all would have depended on who won the immunity challenge? It’s so interesting to think what could have happened tonight. Maybe Aubry has the Survivor fates on her side or maybe Cydney does?

Regardless, whatever happened, happened and here we are heading into the finale with the final four of Aubry, Tai, Cydney, and Michele. That is the order right there of ranking for me. I think Aubry is getting the winner’s edit and it appears that she is going to win this season. Like I said, I’m pulling for Tai, but my head says Aubry has played a more complete game by a fair margin. Is anyone else seeing things differently?

Thanks for reading. See you for the finale!

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