So here we are again, Survivor night in America. Once again, a week I take off, turns out to be one of the best episodes of the season. It was like I turned my back for a second and I missed a slightly less dramatic purging of the five families in The Godfather:
We lost Ciera, and then in even more dramatic fashion, we lost Stephen. Somehow Joe is still alive even though he is completely capable of running the table in immunity challenges all the way through to the finals. Spencer, my original pick to win it all, is still going strong as is my confidence that I am in fact not the worst picker in the history of Robhasawebsite.com.
This season is impossible to handicap because every week it seems like different blocs of people get together for one week and then disperse the next episode. The only way to basically know who is safe is to know who has an idol. I think we know Jeremy is safe for now and we know Kelley Went is safe (pending them knowing that people are going to vote for them and that they play the idol). After those two, I have no clue who is going. In fact, this all-star season is like the game of Clue (one of my go-to references, I know), but it really is like the movie Clue!
You got all the shady characters, whom you know you can’t trust, all of which are capable of cutting each other’s throats, and like the movie, it’s kind of fun to see them each work their “plan”. Clue was basically an all-star cast, having to at times work together, but basically it was every man/woman for themselves. Any of the suspects can end up being the “one” and this season of Survivor, any of the remaining players with the exception of one can win the game! It’s completely up in the air still. I have to do this. Just for fun let’s see who is who:
Jeremy: Mr. Green
He is the man in the movie who basically comes out on top, the one that kinda out-thinks the rest of them; this is Jeremy this season. He has been able (so far at least) to rein in his natural crazy tendencies to play a very good game. I don’t think we have heard his name come up at all so far this season as a possible target, which is surprising considering that he has basically been viewed as one of the players controlling the game for a while. Jeremy seems to be the “hero” this season.
Tasha: Miss White
The coldest person in the movie, goes towards the (semi)coldest woman in Survivor…okay maybe a little bit of a stretch, but I wasn’t sure who would be the best fit for Tasha and so I went with this. Tasha seems to be willing to make any cold-blooded move needed, but I think her downfall is going to be that she doesn’t seem to have a “ride and die” type of peer in the game. I think she is going to get picked off before she makes it to the finals.
Spencer: Professor Plum
The “brains” of the movie…kinda…sorta, I mean he was a doctor and all so yeah. Mr. Plum always struck me as being kind of socially awkward, like he was a part of the group, but out of everybody in the movie, he seemed the least liked and for no specific reason either. Spencer kind of has this trait I think. It seems that people tolerate him and will work with him, but it seems like he isn’t exactly the most popular. With that said, like Plum, Spencer is completely capable of being a killer in the game. I think I have said it before, but Spencer has been left for dead in this game a couple times already, so it’s tough to gauge what his stock is worth at this time. I think he goes farther if he sticks with Jeremy, but the flip-side to that is that he would lose if he sits next to Jeremy. If he actively tries to take out Jeremy, his chances of survival are slim but the reward if he survived could be the ultimate prize…..
Kelley Went: Miss Scarlet
She is probably the most dynamic of the women in Clue. Miss Scarlet is a beast in the movie and Kelley Went has been a beast on Survivor. Finding idols is huge part of today’s Survivor game and she has found two this season. Without the idol, she would already be gone, but whether luck or skill, Kelley is still here and now she has another idol that could spring her towards the finals of the game. I do think she is more likely to be a target by a majority bloc of people in the game, but with that idol in her pocket, if she chooses the right time to play it, she can really make this game FUBAR if she targets someone like say…Jeremy….?????? Watch out for the Miss Scarlet of Survivor this year.
Joe: Mr. Body
In the movie, Mr. Body really never stood a chance. He thought he was in control, that he had turned the tables on everyone, but really all it took was everyone kind of having an unspoken agreement that he had to go and boom, lights go off and Mr. Body is gone. I think Joe is basically Mr. Body…Everybody else kind of has an understanding that even though they are plotting against each other, getting Joe out will be something the whole group can agree on and they will get rid of him. Joe will be gone soon….
The cute maid that was a part of the group…but not really a part of the group. Eventually, Yvette thinks she is outsmarting the group, but no…she is not… and gets taken out in the movie. This is where Abi finds herself in the game. She is alive only until she is no longer needed in the game. Cold of me to say…yes, but I think it’s the truth. I think Abi is a supporting player, not a real threat to win the game. There is no way she wins..none….zilch.
Keith: Colonel Mustard
The good Colonel, always wanting to be the proud, traditional man’s man, but always seeming to be a little behind everyone else. I love Keith and always root for him so I don’t say that with malice– I love Keith. I think we can all agree that from a social game standpoint, Keith doesn’t always know what the hell is going on back at camp. Keith does have good moments, where he performs in competitions and everyone seems good with having him on their team so you can see Keith continuing to hang around. It’s just tough to see him winning the game. Keith has made it pretty far, though, once again and so you have to give him props.
Kimmi: Mrs. Peacock
The elder statesman of the game. The overly dramatic Mrs. Peacock has her moments of being the big villain (in one of the endings), but in the other two, she is kind of just more of a set piece. Kimmi the OG of the game now (with Kelly Wigg gone) seems like she could fit the Mrs. Peacock profile. Kimmi… let’s be honest…doesn’t have a chance in hell to win the game. Look, she has made it this far, so that does have to mean something, as she outlasted the Monicas and Kasses of the world. I just think when it comes down to it, she can’t win…Although I could see her being taken to the finals as someone to be defeated by a Jeremy or a Spencer….Props, Kimmi….and you have no chance to win…
So there you have it, Survivor: Clue Edition. Now watch tonight as Jeremy gets voted out and I look completely idiotic… Let’s all hope that doesn’t happen.
It’s 8 pm Portland, Oregon time. Let’s see how this all unfolds tonight!
Previously on Survivor: We get flashbacks of Spencer’s soon to be Emmy winning performance when he and Jeremy were bonding and he said, “My girlfriend said ‘I love You’… and I couldn’t say….it….back”…Really one of the more powerful, dramatic moments in Survivor history. Let’s all hope that Spencer learns how to love….
We join Jeremy and Spencer having a talk on the beach, feeling each other out. This feels like this is an important moment. It’s like when Pacino and De Niro sat together in Heat:
I really want Jeremy to say: “If it’s between you and some poor bastard that you’re going to turn into a Survivor widow, brother, you are going down”.
Spencer: “There’s a flip side to that coin. If you got me boxed in, I will not hesitate…not for second…even if I have to take out Keith.”
They look at each other with mutual respect and move along.
Kelley and Kimmi talk about Joe going home next if he doesn’t win immunity and then decide that they want to jinx themselves as they talk about the remaining four women joining forces to form an all-girl alliance. A distraught Monica was not able to be found to comment on this development.
Kimmi shares the plan with Tasha next, who for right now, appears to be on board with the plan.
Is there anything worse than trying to send a stressful text with the stupid feature that tries to anticipate the word you are spelling, only for some reason it never picks the right word? It’s like trying to defuse a bomb; you’re frantically trying to construct a fast text– only when you try to write a word like “immediately”, the stupid phone spells “imminent” and you keep having to go back and forth, deleting and swearing intensely. I hate it.
Back from commercial and it’s time for the reward challenge. Jeff points out that we are at the 30-day mark in the game.
Jeremy is too overcome by emotion to talk about what it means, as Jeff toys with everybody by taunting them with whether their families are coming or not. It turns out the family members are here. Jeremy finds out that he is having a boy. If this was an old war movie, we would know that Jeremy would be killed now in the war and we would get a scene of Spencer returning from the war, visiting Jeremy’s wife and promising to be in his son’s life.
Spencer’s girlfriend comes to see him. She looks maybe a day over 14, which is kind of awkward. Again, we get the Spencer “can’t say I love you” moment with him as he finally says, “I love you”. Quite the moment to be a part of…Thank you, Survivor…Thank you.
Abi and her mother reunite. Abi’s mom tells Jeff that Abi is her “Angel”…Everybody there looks away, clearly in disagreement with her assessment of her daughter.
Everybody else gets their visit, nothing really major to point out, other than Kimmi had her dad come out and he looks maybe five years older than her.
We get into the competition, as the family members look on and root for their loved one.
Kelley Went wins the comp, which equals a nice reward of a barbecue. Kelley gets into the position of choosing four other people to go. She goes with Keith, Abi, Kimmi and Joe. Was this strategic or not? It happened so fast I’m not sure. It’s interesting that she didn’t choose Jeremy whom you would think would have been chosen due to his standing in the game…unless I’m overstating his standing in the game, which is definitely a high probability.
We got the Star Wars movie coming out in about sixteen days. Everybody here is excited for this, right? I’m really nervous about Harrison Ford being able to hold up, as let’s be honest, the last time he was good in anything, he was Dr. Richard Kimble trying to find the one-armed man that killed his wife.
After that film, he just acted perpetually stoned for the last twenty years. If I see any hints of that Harrison Ford, I’m going to be praying to God that the next scene is him taking a lightsaber to his groin.
Back from commercial, we join the fun-time barbecue. Everybody is bonding. Joe’s dad reveals that he never had a friend like Joe. Not to be cynical or anything, but is Dad auditioning for a role on Days of Our Lives or what? I’m not sure what is happening here.
Back at camp, the people who didn’t win the reward are stewing over not being picked. Maybe this will kill the all-girl alliance plans now, with Tasha being with the guys. Tasha, Jeremy and Spencer make a final 3 deal. Tasha feels like she has two options with these two boys and the all-girl alliance. They agree to take out Joe next if they can get a chance. Taking out Joe does seem like the smart move.
I will say this again, but there is nothing worse than a once funny sitcom/show hanging on too long wherein every character turns into an over-the-top predictable mess. Modern Family has reached that point. When Manny turns from the cute, chubby “kid” into an awkward, chubby adult it’s really sad. You know the writers have no idea what to do with him and it’s just painful to watch. They continue to dress him up in ridiculous clothes and give him dialogue that is funny when it comes out of the mouth of a 9-year-old, but now that he 37 years old, it just seems forced…..Sad day for Modern Family fans across the world.
Immunity challenge time. Right now…gun to my head…would I bet on Joe or the field to win this comp? I feel like the producers want Joe to win, so they are gearing the comp toward his strengths, as it’s a balancing game, where clearly Joe is a huge favorite to win.
Jeff drops a bomb that there will be two winners tonight, a man and a woman…interesting. I say Kelley takes the women’s division tonight.
Kimmi and Abi drop first. Not exactly shocking.
Tasha falls next which means Kelley Went wins immunity for the girls.
Spencer and Jeremy fall back-to-back. Down to Keith and Joe…Could Keith possibly pull this out?
An hour and twenty-six minutes later and it’s still Joe and Keith battling. Just as I wrote that, some invisible sniper shoots an invisible dart into Joe’s neck and he goes down in a heap. Keith wins Immunity, but everybody rushes to Joe’s aid as Jeff frantically calls for medical. I can’t be sure, but I thought I saw a shooter in the book depository building just off-camera.
Somehow we are back into the holiday season again. It seems like we went from September right into Thanksgiving and now December. That reminds me… I work at a youth non-profit residential treatment center if you are feeling in the holiday spirit this year, send me a message to help out some kids.
IF you want to help me out specifically, it would be great if you could get me Eva Mendez’s phone number.That would be great. I’m positive she would totally be cool with a cold-call from me. I feel like we would be best friends and lovers in no time.
Back from commercial, we come back to an intense scene as Joe seems to be out cold, but he is slowly coming around. Jeff,while holding an umbrella for Joe, tells Joe that the good news is that he doesn’t have to get pulled from the game. The bad news is that he most certainly will be voted out tonight.
Props to Keith for pulling this one out…Granted it took a horrific incident happening for him to take out Joe…but props nonetheless.
Kelley shares with Abi the plan for the all-girl alliance. Abi just remembered that she was on an island playing Survivor is on board with this plan.
Joe and Jeremy talk. Joe’s plan of attack is to say that Abi is the most “dangerous” player in the game. I guess the reasoning being that she is an easy win if you take her to the finals, which is 100 percent true. He is convinced that Jeremy was buying what he was selling.
Next we get Tasha telling Jeremy and Spencer about the all-girl alliance. Naturally, they are annoyed and are contemplating whether to vote out Joe or instead gun for Abi. Tough to get a good beat on where we are headed tonight.
We head to Tribal Council, where I’m glad that Savage is sticking with his “bassist from a 1994 grunge band” look that he has had going on the past couple of weeks. He should just add a Stone Temple Pilots T-shirt into the wardrobe next week for good measure.
Everybody seems to have a moment to share this Tribal. Everybody pretty much confirms it’s either Joe or Abi going tonight. I love/hate how they clearly take a close-up of someone’s reaction and try to edit it to look they are reacting to something else. Like Joe will say something and then they will cut to Kelley Went making a face that doesn’t match a natural reaction to what Joe just said. Does anybody else notice how they do this or am I crazy?
We go to the votes:
Twelfth person voted out is Big Joe.
Okay… pretty predicable episode. Joe had to go. As much as I don’t want to see an all-girl alliance, Joe had to go. Just like in Clue, all the suspects for a moment set aside their own personal plans to come together to get Joe the hell out of the game. What’s left now is no clear easy target. It’s on from here on out. I think whoever said it is correct: the voting blocs are done with, and now is the time that you go with who you think you can trust the most in the game to try to get you to the finals. I think right now there are only three possible people who can win the game:
Book it…One of those three is going to win the game. The only questions are who will it be, what weapon will they use, and in what room. Gun to my head, I’m going with Jeremy, in the billiard room, with the candlestick.
Am I wrong? Who else can possibly win this season? Let me know. Thanks for reading!