Survivor: Worlds Apart

Survivor: Time to Purge?

Hello. Welcome back. Let’s get right down to business this is the week: I hope that we get the first step towards the Blue Collar purge, like they’re Jedi in episode 3 of George Lucas’s legacy-killing prequel trilogy:

I think it would be cool if Tyler showed up this episode in an all-black robe, ordering Carolyn and Jenn to execute some order that resulted in the Survivor deaths of Rodney, Dan, Sierra and Mike. What I’m saying is that I hope Jenn picks herself up from the floor and that Tyler and Carolyn see value in keeping her around to start the backend of this season by attempting to start taking out Mike’s crew.

My impression is that there hasn’t been a clear line in the sand drawn yet with the majority of the players, only the No Collars have been the targets the past two weeks. Can we say it’s safe to assume that Sierra will go with Carolyn and Tyler the second they ask and possibly have numbers to strike?

In my universe, they would need Will and Shirin, which doesn’t seem likely, but doesn’t seem impossible. Unless maybe they see a path where they would want to work with Rodney and then would get Will as well. Maybe that isn’t the worst strategy ever because Rodney is itching to jump ship and would be a more attractive, obvious target down the road. The problem with bringing Rodney into the fold, like I said last week, is that he’s basically one more bad break away from this:

Would the producers intervene if they caught Rodney dragging a lifeless body into some hole he dug a mile away from camp? You know, in some episodes of Survivor, they show the players doing random, odd things at camp, some people sleeping, some people making things, fishing… What if, in that montage of camp life, they then show Rodney dragging a human carcass quietly, would you be completely surprised? … I say no.

The other side of the coin is if the Blue Collars stick together and now turn their target towards Carolyn, who kind of got kicked around last week with Mike and I forget who. I mean, there is a reality, like it or not, where Mike continues to get stronger and stronger each episode, which has actually happened this season. Mike has evolved from a scorpion-eating outcast to almost the king of the island.  Mike is like Danny Mcbride in This is the End:

Mike has come a long way this season, a bull in the china shop with no tact whatsoever, yet he has somehow maneuvered himself into one of the top spots. How did he do it? How did he/we get here? I mean this respectfully, but this season has been one of the weakest from a cerebral stand point that I can remember probably since Rob’s tribe on Rob vs Russell.

I think we can agree that Mike hasn’t gotten where he is now because of shrewd moves, but more from just saying “I’m in charge” and for some reason the majority of his tribe has followed him. He just named himself the Boss and people are just like…. “Cool…Cool, bro”.

8 pm

Previously on Survivor:

The 1919 Chicago Black Sox who threw the World Series tried harder than Jenn last week. Joe took the loss, and with that, the challenges are wide open, as Joe was like Turbo from American Gladiators compared to everybody else in the challenges:

8:01pm

Right away Rodney is advocating taking out Mike, with Will, Carolyn and Tyler. Rodney, being the great player he is, decides to do this scheming right in earshot of Mike who is standing fourteen feet away.

8:02 pm

Mike acknowledges that he knows he is in trouble. This is an opportunity for Mike to really show his mettle. Can he Survivor-out enough to save himself without having to play his idol?

8:03 pm

We go to the reward challenge. It’s the auction comp. At this stage of the game, if I were in their shoes, I would pass on four immunity idols for two Double Doubles with Animal Style Fries from In-N-Out with hesitating.

The first item is covered up, but that doesn’t stop Will from betting everything.

8:04 pm

Will’s prize, is getting 86’d from the competition and sent back to camp… Not money well spent.

8:05 pm

Everybody gets the option to buy a love letter from home. They agree to each spend $20 dollars, so they will all be even going into the bidding for the advantage items. Clearly Mike is plotting to play along, but then will screw everybody like he’s Dark Helmet from Spaceballs (2:45 mark of clip).

Frankly, do I blame Mike? …No… I mean, I get how it would be cool to get a letter from a loved one, but it’s not like they have been castaways for seven years like Tom Hanks. No, they’re on Day 20, right? I mean, it’s a letter, so props to Mike for playing the game. Yes, it’s kind of a scummy move, but you’re there to play the game, not to cry over letters from home after being gone for three weeks. Everybody who bids on letters needs to grow a pair and man up.

8:09 pm

Commercial: It’s really weird to see and hear Julia Roberts doing commercials. It’s easy to forget how big of a star she was from 1990-1998. I mean, was there a bigger star then? Can you imagine if Twitter and social media were around back then when Julia Roberts broke off her wedding plans with Kiefer Sutherland and then married Lyle F**king Lovett out of absolutely nowhere?

That would have broken the internet if it happened today. It would be like Kim Kardashian breaking up with Kanye West, and then a week later, being married to Travis Tritt:

8:11pm

Back from commercial as the aftermath of Mike’s backstab is being processed by everybody. Carolyn decides not to take the letter now. Dan is looking at Mike like the prospector looks at Humphrey Bogart in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

He is seeing the power of greed corrupting…

8:11 pm

After Carolyn threatens not to take the letter, Mike gives a wonderful performance that his conscience won’t let him do this and then he does, in fact, buy the letter from home. Let’s just say if Carolyn doesn’t do that, I don’t think Mike would have been “overcome with emotion”.

8:11pm

We get the advantage up for grabs between Dan, Mike, and Carolyn. They have to draw rocks to see who get’s it.

8:12 pm

Dan reacts like he’s Tiger Woods and he just hit a thirty-foot putt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s57nhhePFiI

8:13 pm

Dan shares that Mike broke his heart with his shenanigans and he doesn’t know if he can play with him anymore… Very interesting first fifteen minutes of this show tonight.

8:14 pm

We join Will as he laments his choice at the auction until he discovers a clue to a hidden idol.

So, it’s not actually an idol he gets; it’s a ration of snack food. Will decides he is going to share with others. Good for Will… He hasn’t had a lot of moments this season to shine.

8:15 pm

Mike is trying to do some serious damage control. Out of nowhere Mike then calls out Rodney about the talk he had earlier with Tyler and Carolyn.  Mike’s plan works somewhat as Rodney immediately snaps and randomly starts shouting, “You better relax…You better relax…You better relax!!”

I also would like to understand exactly when Mike started dressing and looking like one of the Hispanic gang prisoners from American Me:

8:16 pm

Commercial: Let’s finish our little talk about Julia Roberts. What the hell has happened? I guess it’s kind of sad and true that women who age in Hollywood really get pushed aside, except for Meryl Streep.

This isn’t planned or anything (this topic). I’m literally sitting here during this commercial break, trying to think of the last movie Julia Roberts starred in that was a hit (not counting Oceans movies). I guess it was Erin Brockovich, right?  That was over fifteen years ago. That is crazy. I mean, not as crazy as Julia Roberts playing a hooker that looked the way she did and was drug-free with all her teeth, as well as allegedly being disease-free… I mean, this was at the height of the Aids crisis, and millionaire Richard Gere was pretty cavalier with his life by hooking up with a prostitute over and over again… I think I’m getting off topic.

The last movie I really liked that Julie Roberts was in was that movie about the Gong Show host who alleged he also worked for the C.I.A.…Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.

8:19 pm

Back from commercial, we rejoin the argument at camp. Sierra talks for the first time this episode. She sums up that Mike’s timing sucked and this special moment of reading letters from home needs to be protected at all cost… because it’s been two and a half weeks since these people have seen their loved ones…Yuck.

8:21pm

Rodney, seeing an opening, decides to take a run at Dan. He even tolerates an awkward-face hug from Dan…commitment to the game Rodney…Well done…Well done.

8:22 pm

Dan is not telling us yet if he’s going to flip on Mike… tough to tell. Next, Dan opens up his “advantage” and we learn he gets an extra vote at a future Tribal Council. Is this a first? I don’t remember seeing this ever, but I’m probably wrong, and I hope one of you will correct me.

8:23 pm

Commercial: It’s been an exciting night of Survivor so far. You know what’s really not helping it, though…these commercials for CBS’s The Odd Couple. Sitcom worlds are so dumb and unrealistic, and I know I have hammered this point over and over again, but seriously, is there anybody that truly still actively looks for sitcoms to watch? Is there anybody here who has a sitcom in their top 5 shows they watch today? If you are one of those people, stop what you’re doing and reach out for help. Hell, I will help you. You can call me and we will talk this through.

8:26 pm

Back from commercial, we join a calm Mike and Jenn. Mike, of course, is paranoid that Will is hiding something else from the group. Jenn and Shirin join this theory.

8:28 pm

Tyler informs Will of this, and Will then attacks Shirin. Will gets a little personal with his attacks towards Shirin.

8:29 pm

Jenn and Mike console Shirin. So, I guess my hope of Jenn seeing the light and joining forces with Tyler and Carolyn is not going to happen. She broke the other way. Maybe a smart move, but I was hoping she would go the other way.

8:30 pm

Immunity Challenge time: Everybody joins Jeff, but before we get started, Will asks Jeff if he can sit out the comp and have his letter from home instead. Jeff is cool with that plan, IF every other player says yes. This is pretty much setting up Shirin to get her revenge for Will’s prior verbal assault on her… Or maybe Shirin will take the highroad.

8:31pm

And no, Shirin doesn’t want to take the highroad tonight, as she dramatically raises her hand. It’s like the scene from Big, when the guy raises his hand and says “I don’t get it” to get back at Tom Hanks for earlier…and everybody else in the room is rolling their eyes (02.25.30 mark of clip. Sorry for huge link, but it’s all I could find)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3d0q9IlmMvc

This should be interesting. The competition is grabbing balls with large scissors and then walking on a balance beam to stack them up…You know, your everyday normal competition. I think maybe this is a Rodney, Tyler or Mike type of comp to win.

8:36 pm

And just like that, Mike wins the competition with ease. His first hug comes from Shirin, who’s definitely not making friends tonight.

8:37 pm

Rodney comments for the 98th time this season that his plans are ruined now that Mike has won the competition. Rodney is definitely going to be in the running for irrational angry jury member speech at the end of the game. At the very least, he probably will be the one to make the most incoherent, douchie metaphor about the final three players. I can’t wait.

8:38 pm

Commercial: Anybody else check out the new Star Wars Trailer?

It’s crazy that Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill were both available to do this movie… Let’s hope Harrison Ford has better success flying the Millennium Falcon than he does regular airplanes…Wait…Was that too soon? I miss the cool Harrison Ford with swagger; it’s been a while. I mean, probably since this:

8:42 pm

Back from commercial, we join a camp devastated by Mike’s win at the comp. Rodney suggests to Will to get Shirin out, but Will wants to torture Shirin a little longer, but wants to take out Jenn.

8:43 pm

Meanwhile, Mike, Shirin and Jenn talk about getting out Carolyn. Shirin smartly points out that the other side wants to split the vote, and so Mike points out that he can get Dan, and then they can pull off a major move.

8:44 pm

Mike makes his pitch to Dan. Dan seems like he is on the fence. Mike delivers a five minute monologue about trust and how they built this game together. Yeah, it was more awkward watching this than reading about it now.

8:47 pm

Who knows how this is going to shake out! We head to Tribal Council. Props to Joe showing up as a jury member dressed up like he’s the oldest member of Menudo:

8:48 pm

Will starts us off, recapping his fight with Shirin. Will says his side, and then Shirin takes it to the next level, crying, talking about past verbal abuse within her family. Everybody else looks on horrified, not knowing how to look or act. Mike literally has a “Wait. There is probably a camera on me right now, so I should look really empathetic right now, only I don’t know how to fake that” face. Jeff just moves on.

8:50 pm

Dan talks next. Every Tribal, Dan has a mission to sound overly like “Average Joe”. It’s like he’s permanently auditioning for a role as a 1987 construction worker, who gives life lessons in a fun, enthusiastic way.

8:51pm

Next, Mike talks, but Rodney cuts him off and starts shouting for no reason, but it’s entertaining. Rodney and Mike are not BFFs in case you were still wondering.

8:53 pm

We go to the votes….Nobody plays an idol.

Jenn…Shirin…Jenn…Shirin…Jenn…Carolyn…Shirin…Jenn…10th person voted out: Jenn!

Jenn goes out happily, it seems, telling everybody to play nice.

Recap:

So what has taken me a long time to learn for some reason is the game of Survivor is out of my hands. I can’t make players do what I want them to do. At the start of tonight, I had some dumb theory that Jenn would join forces with Carolyn and Tyler and run the game, which seems so utterly idiotic now. Like, was there even a four percent chance of that ever happening? Why would I even think that? It looks like Jenn hated Carolyn.

This is a weird season. There is no clear favorite even at this point in the game. I know Mike is the person who seems to be on camera the most, but it seems hard to picture the jury voting for him. It’s hard to see the jury voting for anybody not named Tyler, and only because Tyler appears to not have ruffled any feathers yet. I feel like it’s wide open. Right now, I say Tyler is the favorite to win, but if you look at all my predictions this season…I suck.

Thanks for reading. See you next week!

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