A Celebrity Apprentice guest post from Jordan Kalish
Don LaFontaine was the guy with the deep voice who you used to hear on all those movie promos. Unfortunately he died in 2008, but this is what it would sound like if he made one for this coming Sunday’s finale of The Celebrity Apprentice.
Season MVP: Aubrey O’Day
You heard it right. Arsenio Hall, not Aubrey O’Day, made it to the finals to face Clay Aiken in the last task. Aubrey, who by far provided the most entertainment this season and was a much more valuable player than Arsenio, was snubbed of her rightful spot in the final two. While Aubrey was called transparent by Marlee Matlin, it was really Donald Trump who was transparent in his decision. I’m buying into the conspiracy theory that Trump is trying to restart Arsenio’s career. Although I called her the only non-celebrity in the competition before the season started, Aubrey put herself on the same level as other minor celebrities who have graced the boardroom. I expect to see more from her in the near future. Please visit www.AubreyGotScrewed.com for more information.
Mel Kiper Jr. projected that the first pick would be Lisa Lampanelli, while Todd McShay thought it might be Penn Jillette, but with the first pick of the Season Five Celebrity Apprentice Draft, Team Arsenio selected Adam Carolla, Podcast Host, Los Angeles Valley College. While I think this was a great pick due to Carolla’s brilliance, creativity, and humor, it was as surprising as it would have been if the Colts had picked Ryan Tannehill instead of Andrew Luck. Hopefully his production team didn’t screw up the Magic Johnson video as badly as it appeared on this episode. If they actually did make that mistake, I would hope that the RHAP interns are smarter than Carolla’s guys. If they’re not, we can expect to see a lot of Rob’s profile on the webshow.
As for the rest of the draft, I give the edge to Team Clay. He snagged Penn in the first round, despite their prior conflict. Having a guy like Penn, who will perform with Teller at the charity event, is a major asset. He may have slipped up in the second round by picking Debbie Gibson, who is not only a ‘great’ singer but apparently has a family of renowned muralists, but redeemed himself with Dee Snider in the third round. He obviously knows how to win the final task after helping John Rich last season, and can easily write a song for the event: “NATIONAL INCLUSION, STILL KEEPING IT REAL!!!”. Clay’s strongest team member is the one he didn’t even have to pick. Somehow, Aubrey O’Day became the Miss Irrelevant of this draft when Arsenio chose Teresa Giudice over her. While Arsenio has Lisa and Adam, two strong players, his last two picks were Paul Teutel Sr. and Teresa, two people who don’t really do anything. Paul already used all his big donors in the first task of the season, and Teresa has the business sense of a four year old. If this competition comes down to who has the better team, Clay will be hired.
A Walk in the Park
A decent portion of this episode revolved around Clay trying to find a quiet, grassy area to shoot his video. One place had a train going by and another had a baseball game going on. After what seemed like a long time, he finally found a small courtyard next to a building. Somehow, it never occurred to Clay that there is a pretty large Park in the Central part of Manhattan. Conveniently, it’s called Central Park. I know Clay isn’t from New York, but they’ve been shooting this show for 13 weeks now. You would think that he would have at one point stumbled upon one of the largest parks in the world.
Unintentional Inappropriate Comments
Lisa about Arsenio: “I’m not gonna be that chick who’s on top of him all the time.”
Adam to costume store owner: “I’m just curious why you have such a huge penis.” (To be fair, this was most likely not unintentional.)
Aubrey: “All we have to do is get dirty dog deep.”