Big BrotherBig Brother 14

Baker’s Dozen: Three Evictions and a Funeral on Big Brother

How Dan Gheesling is Running the house on Big Brother 14 Dan is dead. Call me Mr. Miyagi. Teacher say, student do.

Andy BakerThe following is a guest post from Rob Has a Website Contributor, Andy Baker

 

Now that Hurricane Isaac has finally allowed our fearless leader to return from his Dominican exile, it’s time for me to cook up a new Baker’s Dozen! Heed the nutrition label, however: this Big Brother Baker’s Dozen (and all that follow until we reach the finale) will CONTAIN SPOILERS! You’ve been warned…

1) As it so happens, this brief blogging hiatus has coincided with my yearly BB burnout. When I hit the end of August, I simply can’t muster any enthusiasm for the remaining houseguests; for me, September in the Big Brother house is about watching people lose rather than waiting to see who wins. I don’t know what this says about me, but it can’t be good.

2) So, about my prediction that the Coaches were going to control the game after the reset…

3) And yet, the game IS being run by a Coach. All hail Dan Gheesling! I have to admit, the fake funeral was a thing of beauty: He blew up his alliance to appear powerless, abused Danielle on national television to generate sympathy for her, sold out Ian and the Quack Pack, got Frank to commit to a final two deal, and arranged for Jenn to save him with the Power of Veto. Let’s call it what it is: a game-changing tour de force which will rightfully be enshrined in the Big Brother Big Moment Hall of Fame.

4) That said, it feels like Dan is doomed to third place unless he can win some endgame competitions: Shanielle will bring one another to the F2, there’s no way Ian wants to face off against Dan, and I can’t see Joe or Jenn handing Dan $500k if they float their way to the end. Sure, Frank might bring Dan with him to the finals out of some misguided sense of loyalty, but sadly, I don’t think he’ll be around that long.

5) I have to admit, I’m a sucker for “Who Wants It More” challenges like the “Draw Something” PoV competition. That said, what was up with the scoring system? Might as well just announce, “We’ll assign points based on who we want to win.”

Time for some rapid fire thoughts on the remaining houseguests!

6) Shanielle: If the real Captain America was this passive and indecisive, the Marvel universe would be ruled by the Red Skull. And if Danielle wins this game, y’all, she’s going to spend the entire $500k on therapy and snacks.

7) Ian: Clearly, Allison Grodner and CBS want him to win “America’s Favorite Player.” Please, please, please, don’t let this happen. Dan and Frank deserve it more… and I worry that Ian will spend the prize money on an unmarked white van.

8) Joe: OVER THE LAST THREE WEEKS HE’S FOUND ALL OF JENN’S OLD HIDING PLACES AND ALMOST NEVER APPEARS ON THE SHOW OR THE FEEDS. THIS MAKES ME HAPPY.

9) Jenn: To quote Shane, “Where the [bleep] did Jenn come from?” Welcome to the jungle, Jenn City! Do I think you’ll win? No. Do I think you’ll make it interesting until you’re evicted? Hell yeah.

10) Frank: The only player other than Dan who would be a worthy winner. Admittedly, he’s arrogant, crude, and narcissistic, but he’s also articulate, perceptive, and amusing. Here’s hoping this cat has a few lives left.

(Here’s a petrifying thought exercise for you: Imagine if Frank and Dan were the next two to leave the BB house. We’d be left with Shanielle, Joe, Jenn and Ian. I’m relatively certain that would be the worst final five in reality show history.)

11) Fortunes rising: Survivor. Wait, what? Let me explain: I know Mark Burnett and Jeff Probst have faced their own accusations of producer manipulation, most notably Boston Rob’s gift-wrapped win in Redemption Island, but can you imagine the viewer outrage if they had the audacity to protect returning players from the first four tribal councils? Just wanted to put this season’s “twist” into perspective.

12) Fortunes falling: Despite being a production darling (and a lock for All-Stars 2), Frank looks to be living on borrowed time. Unless Dan wants to fall just short of Will Kirby on the All-Time Player list, he’s going to backstab Frank at the first opportunity, for one simple reason: Once Frank is gone, Dan will be able to toy with the remaining houseguests. Seriously, who’s going to stop him? (I still think Dan gets taken out at F3 unless he wins the final competition, but he’s going to coast through the next few weeks if Frank gets voted out.)

13) Prediction time: Ian, our newly crowned HoH, has promised Shane and Danielle safety this week, so they’re off the table. Given that Ian is in desperate need of an alliance, I’m guessing he’s going to team up with Shanielle, a temporary union which also involves Joe, who, despite being annoying and otherwise useless, is the critical third vote: whomever those three decide to vote out is headed to the jury house. Which is another way of saying that Dan will pick who goes. There’s almost no point in trying to backdoor Frank at this point – six players vie for the Power of Veto, and there’re only seven houseguests left – so it’s almost inevitable that Frank goes up against Jenn (with Joe as a potential replacement nominee). Once again, Frank will be fighting for his life – and should he dodge another bullet, his only true ally left in the game, JennCity, will float no more.

That’s it for this edition of The Baker’s Dozen – I’m going to be cutting back to one Big Brother blog entry per week as I gear up for Survivor: Philippines, so I’ll see you next Friday. Until then, show some love to @TheeSoupNazee and check out his blog!

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