Big Brother

Baker’s Dozen: Are the Coaches on the Outs on Big Brother?

Andy BakerThe following is a guest post from Rob Has a Website Contributor, Andy Baker

Forget the preamble – let’s jump right in! Remember, this blog is always SPOILER FREE.

1) I don’t know that I’ve ever been so happy to be so wrong about a prediction…
I’m positively THRILLED that Janelle has been evicted from the Big Brother house. Everything about this three-time failure feels fake: her emotions, her interactions, her augmentations, all of it. I know it’s a fool’s errand to search for substance in reality show contestants, but even within that narcissistic celebrity subculture, Janelle is an outlier: In her life, she’s spent at least 10,000 hours gazing at her own navel, and it’s left her with the inability to meaningfully connect with other people. The fact that she’s a fan favorite – she won America’s Choice votes in Seasons 6 and 7 – is truly baffling to me. Goodbye, Janelle – I know a lot of people will miss you, but I’m not one of them.

2) And yet… and yet… given her popularity, have we really seen the last of Janelle? Has the wicked witch been well and truly killed by the falling house named Danielle? Or is she going to be “voted” back into the game in a few weeks? I’m aware that there’s a time crunch (there are nine players to vote out and only five weeks left in the game), but would you be shocked to see Janelle return after several more weeks of eviction protection? I certainly wouldn’t. Now, I doubt it will happen… but I can’t shake the nagging fear that it will.

3) Thank you, Chenbot cue card writers, for REPEATEDLY reminding us that Janelle is “a Big Brother great” who is “one of the best players of all time.” We get it, producers – you love Janelle and you’re angry at the houseguests for evicting her. At this point, given how much Grodner has assisted Janelle over the years (including Britney’s recent claim that Janelle was paid more to return to BB this summer than she was), I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that Grodner is the father of Janelle’s child.

4) Speaking of the Chenbot, is it just me, or did the producers temporarily install an emotion chip in her motherboard? I could swear that the Chenbot displayed some personality during her post-eviction Janelle interview – she even asked some hard questions! Janelle, who appeared genuinely stunned that Julie would openly question her decisions, did everything in her power to keep her emotions under wraps (I think the Boogie goodbye message saved her from a meltdown; it gave her something to be mad at), but something tells me that she completely trashed the green room in a hailstorm of rage and tears once she left the soundstage.

5) There haven’t been many times in my Big Brother viewing history that I’ve agreed with Janelle, but she’s right: Boogie is a douchebag. His former partner in crime, Dr. Will, could deliver a withering farewell with charm and cheer; the good doctor was the one who put the chill in Chilltown. Boogie, however, possesses neither the grace nor the guile to craft and deliver a satisfying goodbye message; instead of flippant and funny, Boogie comes across as creepy and cruel. As well positioned as Boogie may be at this point in the game, every time he’s on the screen I can’t help but think, “I wish Dr. Will had come back, instead.”

6) Grodner picked up her second gold medal of these summer games – this one for “Most Audacious Attempt at Fixing a Reality Show” – with her “accidental leak” of Dan’s Diary Room conversation. I can almost accept a sentence or two being mistakenly broadcast into another room, but to have the DR audio pumped into the kitchen long enough to expose Dan’s final three deal with Frank and Boogie AND reveal the existence of the Silent Six alliance? That can’t be a simple mistake, can it? Leaking that information threatens to pit the Quack Pack and Silent Six against each other, and turn the Silent Six on itself – which is precisely the sort of discord Janelle needed in order to have a chance to save herself. Even if the DR leak was simply a Big Brother blunder, the fact that the blogosphere and twitterverse immediately blew up with accusations of producer manipulation shows just how far off the tracks the Big Brother train has careened, right?

7) Speaking of alliances, this season has given us both “Team Diversity” and “The Quack Pack,” two of the worst alliance names in BB history (“The Silent Six” isn’t half bad, though). What I’d like to see is some nomenclature honesty when BB alliances are formed: How about “The Floater Faction”? Maybe “The Coterie of Insanity”? Or “The Cabal of the Clueless”?

8) On Wednesday night, I was in full agreement with Frank: Why target him? It’s not like he’d been dominating the game; he had prevailed in ONE competition at that point. But then on Thursday night, he reminded everyone why he’s been on the block all summer: he’s a genuine threat. I understand his desire to be the HoH – it can’t be fun to be on the block all the time – but when the two previous BB winners are blatantly throwing the competition, shouldn’t that tell you something?

9) Can someone let Frank know that ‘70s tennis legend Bjorn Borg wants his hair back? Thanks.

10) Earlier this week, Shane had the “we’re just friends” talk with a devastated Danielle. On Thursday, we were given the hard sell on an Ian/Ashley showmance. Coincidence? I think not.

11) Fortunes rising: Mike Boogie. As annoying as he can be, Boogie put on a BB strategy clinic this week. It’s one thing to manipulate newbies, but Boogie, with the timely use of disarming honesty and diplomatic aggression, managed to make both Dan and Janelle look bad. Dan had no answer for Boogie’s accusations about the plan to blindside Frank, and Janelle was stunned into silence when Boogie tested her loyalty to the Coaches (I’m convinced that not being willing to sacrifice Joe or Wil is what got Janelle evicted this week). Boogie’s greatest weapon: his seemingly genuine declarations that he doesn’t care if and when he leaves the house. Until someone calls him on this bluff (and make no mistake, as the endgame gets closer, this stance will increasingly become a bluff), Boogie is going to be the prohibitive favorite to win the game a second time.

12) Fortunes falling: Joe. When you’re the only one who votes for someone to stay in the house, your days are numbered.

13) Prediction time: The nominations look like foregone conclusions, don’t they? Joe is an easy target, Wil is an expendable pawn, and neither one has a former Coach around to help rally votes the way Boogie did for Frank. There could be a curveball coming (if you were Boogie, wouldn’t you at least consider back-dooring Dan?), but I’m guessing Frank will want his second term as HoH to be as uneventful as possible. Add in that the speculation that this will be a double elimination week, which makes it a really bad time for an HoH to create controversy, and you’ve got the blueprint for boredom. I said it before, and I’ll say it again (and hope it sticks this time): Sorry, Joe, but you gotta go.

That’s it for this edition of The Baker’s Dozen – be sure to check out the blog written by @TheeSoupNazee, and feel free to follow me @GetOnSurvivor – see ya Monday!

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