The Celebrity Apprentice

Guest Post: Purple Andretti and Aubrey O’Fairplay

A Celebrity Apprentice guest post from Jordan Kalish

With March Madness starting, we’re going to start hearing a lot about upsets.  While in the tournament they’re exciting, this is not always the case in the Celebrity Apprentice.  This week, we had a colossal upset as Adam Carolla, by far the funniest celebrity so far this season, was fired.  I have a bad feeling that without Adam, this season could turn into the Colts without Peyton Manning.  At least there are still a few good characters left, including this week’s MVP.

Episode 4 MVP: Aubrey O’Day

In my Episode 1 blog, I predicted that Aubrey O’Day has the potential to become an all-time great Celebrity Apprentice contestant.  If she keeps performing like she did this week, my prediction would be an understatement.  We all know that she has more Twitter followers than anyone else on her team, but we had no idea about her Fairplay/Thunder D-esque lying capabilities. In fact, the way she sold the story of her mother dying in a car accident to the Buick executives was far more convincing than the infamous “She died dude.”  Anyone who’s able to bring back memories of one of the greatest moments in Survivor history deserves to be the MVP.

Aubrey also was fantastic in her confessionals, basically tearing Debbie Gibson apart.  The fact that Debbie has sung badly in every single episode so far has been a recurring theme on the podcast, and Aubrey has obviously noticed this as well.  She called their Buick presentation Debbie’s comeback tour because she wanted to sing “’In Her Dreams’ or whatever the f**k song she says is so amazing.”  Aubrey then said she was always more of a Tiffany fan, but I guarantee Tiffany would sing ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’ on every episode if she were on the show.  I’d much rather watch funny no-name “celebrities” like Aubrey O’day than 80’s pop singers trying to remind us that they still exist.

Celebrity Apprentice 5 LVPE (LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER EVER)

Obviously I’m talking about Michael Andretti.  This guy was seriously the most boring person I’ve ever seen on reality television.  Even Penn Jillette complained that he hated working with somebody who said so little, and couldn’t wait to reunite with Teller, who’s much more vocal.  His firing will have absolutely no effect on the show going forward, and he completely deserves his new nickname: Purple Andretti.

The Trump Factor

I can’t really get on the Trumps for firing Adam Carolla.  He would have been safe if he took Lou Ferrigno and Purple Andretti back to the boardroom, but instead decided not to bring anyone back, giving The Donald no choice but to fire him.

Donnie Douche actually said something this week that caused me to laugh with him, not at him.  After Adam said that he lost his virginity in a Buick Regal, Donnie quickly responded with “last weekend, right?”  I guess Don Jr. has finally progressed from repeating his father and giggling in the boardroom to making actual jokes.  I wonder if a Regal is also useful for chasing leopards and then shooting at them.  Donnie Douche might also know the answer to that.

Behind the scenes:

– Since Debbie Gibson was hitting so many cones while test-driving the Buick Verano, she was pulled over and subsequently given a DUI.
– For the next task, Trump is considering a race between the ‘cool van’ and the uncool van’.

Things to consider for episode 5

– Will Penn regret making fun of Victoria Gotti when he actually finds himself in the trunk of a car?
– Will the inevitable drama caused by Lou Ferrigno and Teresa Giudice fill the enormous gap of Adam Carolla’s absence?

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