The following is a guest post about Big Brother 14 (and Seinfeld) from Rob Has a Website Contributor and Legendary Live Tweeter, @TheeSoopNazee
“Sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit’s gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it’s like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing’s getting through. You’re stupid.”
Shane must be like Elaine. He’s not getting laid in the Big Brother house (although not due to a certain Two Face’s lack of trying…) and has just gone completely stupid. There’s no other explanation for what happened this week, and why Shane, who complains about having to work alone, would try to backdoor one of only two people who have agreed to work with him. But, fortunately or unfortunately, the first 165 hours and 45 minutes of this week meant nothing. So you can stuff your sorrys in a sack mister, because we’re starting from the end!
Since “Giddy-Up,” I’m pretty sure just about everyone with any kind of Big Brother knowledge knew that the Coaches were entering the game. Obviously, this is completely unfair to all of the newbies, and even more unfair to Shane because they basically threw away his week, but in the same vein I do like how they saved Frank with the twist, giving the newbies some kind of hope. Outside of Frank, you have Danielle flying over the cuckoo’s nest, Shane’s turned out to be a mimbo, we don’t even know who the DING “Jenncity” is, Ashley ate one too many containers of glue putting that Dream Board together, JOE HAS NO SHOT IN THIS GAME AT ALL Y’ALL, and Wil, well, I’ll leave that one for Patrice (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Ian at least has some shot, but as a fan, I fear he’ll be too easily manipulated by the veterans.
Overall, this is not a Spongeworthy twist. There’s no way that four Big Brother greats (well, three, but I’ll include Britney in that count anyway) coming into the game after a month of safety and information gathering can be classified as anything but outrageous. But, for the sake of my own sanity, I’m not going to get too worked up about it. After all, it does add drama. And what the hell do I care, I’m not in the game. So I’m taking the Costanza road here, because “Every decision I have ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I wanted to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, is it something to wear, something to eat, it’s all been wrong.” I will do the opposite!
The Bizarro Edit Redux
I touched on this quite a bit in my last blog, but Wednesday’s episode took the Bizarro Edit a step further. While the editors have to make the story fit into an hour long episode, nobody can honestly tell me that every scene they put on is gold, and even if in the brief moments that I’ve watched the feeds this week, there was a lot of gold left out.
In the initial Ring conversation that you saw excerpts of, Janelle was striking out worse than Joe Pepitone facing Kramer’s pitches. She tried throwing Frank under the bus by saying he was the one who flipped, and Shane just kept responding with “Yeah, but he was on the block. You were the ones who said you were with us week one, then you turned on us.” Despite Janelle’s continued efforts, Britney continued to shoot her down when she started talking about how big of a threat Frank is by simply responding, “If you wanted Frank out, you should’ve gotten him out week one. Instead, you flipped on us.” Evidently Janelle’s continued persistence paid off, but her strategic clumsiness came through at the start of the week and would’ve made for some Spongeworthy television.
The other great scene that was left out came during Wil’s birthday/sushi party when Britney and Ashley made out. Talk about Spongeworthy! I thought us viewers would have our soup, but alas, the producers shouted “Next!”
The Plan That Sucked
Shane’s HoH run started off fairly well. A wrench was thrown into his plans when Janelle won a competition that couldn’t have been more suited towards her “skills” and saved Wil, but his nomination of Joe and Ashley was, in my opinion, the only right move. He wasn’t going to nominate Danielle, and couldn’t nominate Wil. He already had a deal with Frank and Boogie, so nominating any of their players would’ve been pointless and would’ve just caused the back-and-forth that we see between the strongest players every season. Shane kept it simple, and would’ve gotten his soup if he didn’t overthink everything.
Then came the middle of the week. Unfortunately I was away from the feeds for the past few days, so, for all five of my loyal readers, I called in the experts. Coming to you live, from his apartment, worlds are colliding as the only Soop-Approved BB Correspondent, Brian Lynch, brings you his take on this week’s action! Regarding this week, the LynchMob (shout out to RTB for the name) wrote the following excerpt, The Anatomy of Betrayal. Giddy up!
“While CBS has edited the flip in a way to make it seem like a conversation between Ian and Britney ultimately led to Frank’s eviction, it is clear to anyone watching the live feeds that Shane is trying to scapegoat Ian. On top of the alliance that Shane and Frank had already agreed to, Shane made a final three deal with Frank and Danielle which was dubbed “The Three Amigos”. Less than 24 hours later, Shane had made the decision to target Frank. Janelle’s efforts to save her team began with an attempt by Ashley to get Shane to use the veto on her, but Shane was not impressed with her argument. Shane found Joe and Wil’s pitches to be more believable, but Janelle’s willingness to give up her wedding ring was the main factor in Shane believing Team Janelle. As soon as Ian had told Britney that targeting Shane was “not in the foreseeable circumstances,” Shane felt like he had all the ammunition that he needed to follow through with the betrayal of Frank. In the end, Frank’s “nice guy” strategy has fallen short of saving him this week. Shane is busy trying to convince everyone, including himself, that he kept his word with Frank. But Boogie and Frank were willing to make the deal with Shane because they felt that he was an honest guy. If Shane has accomplished anything this week, other than throwing his shield asunder, it has been in exposing to the house how dishonest he can be. Combined with his willingness to bully Ian in a variety of ways, Shane has exposed his jugular to the house. And if we know anything about Big Brother, it is that vampires do not pass up the opportunity to feed on vulnerable prey. Unfortunately for Shane, as soon as he fails to win a veto competition there will be a feeding frenzy.”
The Notes About Nothing
• Dan may be one of the smartest people in the history of Big Brother, but asking “Are these from Vermont?” after analyzing a can of snacks in Shane’s HoH room will only hurt book sales, unless it’s “How A Normal Guy Learned Geography From Household Snacks.”
• Joe’s “Royal Breakfast” was too stupid for words. Next!
• After the Dream Board conversation, it’s getting harder and harder to defend Ashley.
• Apparently there’s a woman on this season name Jenncity, and she’s a lesbian. While it was supposed to be an emotional moment, all I could think of was “ “I always get the feeling that when lesbians are looking at me they’re thinking, that’s why I’m not a heterosexual”
• The 50 Shades of BB Coaches’ Comp seemed a little unfair to Boogie, Britney, and Dan. Obviously Janelle is extremely familiar with the Tour Bus Thrust and using her tongue.
• Shane has officially matched Britney’s challenge record of 1 HoH and 3 PoVs, despite only being in the house for three weeks so far. Why would he listen to Britney’s challenge advice again?
• While @BoogiesEgo has its own Twitter account, @ShanesEgo is in the running for one.
• Dan finally delivered for us this week, as not only did he give a shoutout to RHAP, he also dropped an amazing line; “I’m not losing $100K over your high school crush.” Soup For You!
• Janelle tried to take some coaching from Rachel Reilly as she channelled her fake tears and tried to put on a show for Wil. He and Patrice didn’t buy it, but this debunks my theory that Janelle doesn’t cry because the plastic surgery has taken that ability away from her.
• Why did Boogie vote against coming back into the game? My only guess is that he thought Kara could come back and he’d have another game of spin-the-bottle.
The Sein: Awarded to the player who placed their order just right, this week’s Sein goes to Janelle, mostly because of everyone else’s stupidity. Janelle’s Ring Deal saved her team this week, and even though that didn’t matter by Thursday night, that’s enough to get your order of Soup! (Disclaimer: Bread is still $2.00, unless it’s @DawnsBread, which is free on Twitter!)
The Costanza: “Awarded” to the player who couldn’t get their order just right, this week’s Costanza goes to Shane, for being completely manipulated into “backdooring” Frank. As I stated, Shane started off well, but let Team Janelle completely mind-ding him. When Joe said that he would go against his own team, major red flags went up for every Reality TV fan who knows that you can’t break someone’s trust to earn someone else’s. Unfortunately, Shane is having trouble thinking straight as tries to avoid being “RHAPed” by Danielle, so No Soup For You Shane!
Well, let’s start the insanity! The Coaches are in, and there’s no reason to believe that one won’t win HoH and nominate two newbies. There’s no reason for them to turn on each other, and my prediction is Janelle will win HoH and nominate Frank and Ian, possibly Shane. Since it’s an endurance challenge, the feeds will be on all night, and I’m willing to bet anyone $150 right now that I’ll last longer in the live-feed endurance contest! (Note: Like Kramer, I’ll probably be out before the check gets here.)
Be sure to follow me on Twitter, @TheeSoopNazee, as well as the Bizarro Big Brother Blogger, Andy Baker, who is @GetOnSurvivor. Don’t forget to also Tweet Jeff Probst as #RHAPSupportsJeff, and Jef Holm, winner of the Bachelor as #RHAPSupportsJef. Until next week, No Soup For You!